It's Not a Fashion Statement

Gerard kept looking at me on the drive back. I didn’t know what to do, or what to say. I just stared out the window, trying to ignore the feeling of his eyes burning into me. I’m still upset, I mean the fact everyone thinks I’m a whore. And what Andy or whatever his name is said about Gerard wanting to… use me for sex. I’m actually shaking out of fear.

I mean, Gerard is hot; I’m not going to lie. I’m sure it’d be enjoyable. But not being a toy for him. Let's not forget I haven’t even kissed anyone yet, never mind being fucked in the ass until I’m unconscious by my fucking boss.

We pull up at his house and I’m still reluctant to look Gerard in the eyes. I trusted him, I know it's stupid, but he literally took me into his home, held me and told me I everything would be okay. He basically saved my life for fuck's sake, how could I not be grateful for that. It felt so genuine, and real. But now I’m starting to doubt that.

Everyone knows he’s strict, ruthless, demanding and high maintenance. Those thoughts of ‘oh it’s just an act’ started creeping into my head. But what if he’s being honest? What is he does actually care. I don’t know why, but he might. I can’t just ignore him after all he did the last few days and nights. He’s fed me, given me clothes, a place to sleep too. Plus, I don’t want to be rude.

“Frankie?... Are you coming in or not?”
I suddenly snapped out of my trance and walked through the door.

“Frankie… you’re shaking, please go take a shower or put on something warm,” I nodded and headed up the stairs into the bathroom. I locked the door and got a towel out of the cupboard and hung it over the rail.
Once again, I turn the shower on and wait for the spray to warm up. After about a minute or two I decide the temperature is up to my standard and I strip off and step in. Suddenly, I feel myself relax and un-tense.

After about an hour of contemplating and hair Lathing, I decide I should probably think about getting out the shower before my skin is all shrivelled up and raisin-like. I turn the shower off and wrap the fluffy white towel around my waist.

I’m just about to go into the room I’m staying in to get clothes, when I realise the door is locked. I’m going to have to go downstairs and ask Gerard to unlock it for me, basically naked bar a tiny towel.

I clutch tightly to the skimpy towel folded around my waist. Of course I had to pick the smallest fucking towel in existence.

“Erm… Gerard, my room is locked and I could really do with some clothes-“
He sat upright and hurried around a bit, I’m guessing in search for the keys. Who locks each room individually anyway?

“oh, yeah, gosh, sorry about th-that,”
I heard his breath hitch, and felt his eyes checking me up and down. I tried so desperately to cover myself up, but I soon remembered that my towel might fall down, and… you get the picture.

“sorry, right… erm yeah- this way,” he kept his eyes on me as I followed him up the stairs. He slipped the key into the door and twisted it, before taking it out and trying another. I stood waiting next to him, still holding onto my towel for dear life, when I felt myself being pushed up against the door.
I looked into Gerard’s lust filled eyes, and I felt scared. God, I should’ve seen this coming the moment I realised he was checking me out downstairs. Why didn’t I just take the key and unlock the door myself? For god sake frank you’re so stupid-
I felt something warm being pressed onto my lips. Fuck no.
Not now. Can I at least be changed? I tried to struggle away, but he had either arm by each side of my head, pinning me up. Andy was fucking right.

“Gerard no- please,” he kept a firm grip and pushed his lips harder into mine. I didn’t want this. Not in this way. And god knows what it might lead to.

“Gerard! Get off me please-“ I went to push him away, but instead i dropped my towel.

One of his arms left my side and slowly travelled up to touch where my towel just fell. I felt his cold touch and I sent a shiver down my spine, my eyes now welling up.

“MR. WAY, PLEASE IM BEGGGING YOU-“ I practically screamed, tears now dripping off my chin.

I felt so hopeless. Fuck, I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him.
I was about to just give in when to my surprise he jumped off me, a look of terror on his face. He slapped himself, and really hard too.

He glanced down at his hands, then looked back up to me, gasping and shaking, trying to cover my shaking image from his line of sight by blocking his view with his hands. I turned around and quickly turned the key in the lock, stumbling into the room. I slammed the door shut and put a chair under the handle, hoping he wouldn’t be able to get in. I looked around for some clothes, trying to calm my breathing, but instead I just broke down crying, gasping for air. I slid my back down the wall, hugging my knees.

After about ten minutes I wiped my eyes and looked in the wardrobe for some clothes. I didn’t want to go out the room, I just felt uncomfortable being sat naked in this fucking pedophile house. I picked out long sweat pants and a hoodie.

I threw myself onto the huge bed and rested my head on the pillow. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go back on the streets, but then again, I don’t want to be fucking forced into sex with my boss.

No frank, you’re thinking too much. It was only a kiss. Plus thinking back to his reaction… it was probably just in the heat of the moment… right? He was probably just horny or something. I mean he did stop.

I heard a faint tap at the door.
But then again, he could’ve taken it so much further.
But he didn’t…
But he could’ve, its like what Andy said…
But he stopped?

Oh my god I’m over thinking. Or am I?

“Frank, oh my god, I’m so sorry- I dint mean to, I don’t know what came over me… frank please, let me know you’re okay-“

I contemplated opening the door or not. I mean, he sounds genuine… but he could be acting. But then again, he’s letting me stay in his house… I feel so rude and unwanted. I can’t just ignore him…

“Are you going to do…that again?...” I choked out, barely a whisper.
I’m surprised he even heard to be honest.

“Never, I swear Frankie, I promise you I won't ever-“
“Don’t call me Frankie, please.”

I slowly opened the door, to find Gerard shaking and curled up by the ground. I’d never seen anyone this worked up before.

I kind of felt bad, actually.
No, why would you feel bad frank! He’s the one who did it in the first place.

God, I hate my sorry ass mind.

Notes