It's Not a Fashion Statement

franks pov
Gerard pulls me up to bed, loosely holding my hand. As soon as I wrapped my arms around him last night, he’s been very… shy from contact since.
As soon as we both climb into bed, I wrap my arms around his waist, tugging my head into his chest. I was so worried today, when it was past dinner and he still hadn’t returned home, I freaked out and called mikey. We looked everywhere, his work, and the liquor shop, as many alleyways we could find. I have no idea where he was, but I don’t want to push it right now, because I can tell he’s very tired.
He folds his arms over my body, sighing whist i gently stroke up and down the side of his face. I just wish he’d look at me… is it something I did wrong?

He stares blankly at the wall past my face. He’s like a robot and I hate it. I just want him to look into my eyes again and tell me he loves me as he actually holds me to sleep.

“Gerard?”
“What?” he snaps, still staring blankly at the wall.
“Are-“
“Yes.” He cuts me off impatiently. He bites his lip and his eyes flicker, and I can tell he wants to make eye contact but he’s resisting the urge… for some reason.
He gulps and turns over, pushing me off his chest. It’s not aggressive like it sounds, it’s soft and gentle, but the way he flips himself over after certainly isn’t.
I lay still, feeling lost and rejected. What’s up with him? Has he just got tired of me?
I knew he’d get bored of me eventually. But what am I going to do? He’ll kick me out and I’ll be homeless and jobless and moneyless, and lonely… I love him so fucking much; I can’t let go of him like that. I’ll end up staying in the streets again, getting kicked around and just silently crying in the corner wishing to be with him once again, to smell him, feel him, hug him-

“I’m so sorry-“ Gerard whispers, so quietly I’m actually surprised I caught that.
“What for?” I stutter, hoping and praying he’s not planning on kicking me out.
He mumbles something, but I have no idea what it was, and I just take at as an ‘I don’t want to talk now, please leave me alone’.
-
I open my eyes and roll over, almost crashing into Gerard’s still body. His eyes are wide open and the bags under his eyes are now practically sinking into his head. Has he been awake all night?

I sit up and watch his chest rise up and down slowly. He doesn’t even blink.
I slide out of bed and kneel next to his side, gently patting his shoulder.
He grumbles in response, pulling his eye as he rubs a hand down his face.
Why is he suddenly like this?
I cradle the sides of his face with my hands, cupping his cheeks and staring deep into his eyes. His face is blank of expression, but his eyes tell me he’s scared and very, very sad.
“Gee, please talk to me-“ I sigh, holding back tears that rim my eyes. I might as well be talking to a gravestone I’m getting that much communication in return.
He flicks his eyes over, a frown on his lips. He doesn’t say anything.

I brush his hair out of his eyes and rub my thumb over his dry bottom lip. He tenses, but soon relaxes after a few minutes.
“Gerard, you know you can talk to me, about anything and everything.”
I whisper, running a hand down his covered arm. He shivers under my touch.
He turns to face me, sighing and rubbing his eyes.
“Can I hug you? Please?” I ask, desperate to feel his arms around me.
He nods his head, almost reluctantly, and I immediately shuffle into bed next to him, tucking my small body into his. He exhales and wraps his arms around me, tugging my chest into his.

“Gee, I know you don’t wanna talk about it… but what happened yesterday?” I start the subject after the moment of silence. I really don’t want to talk about it, and clearly he doesn’t either, but at the same time I need to know and he needs to tell me.
“I was at work, I told you that-“
“You’re lying.” I challenge, knowing full well he was not at work.
He sighs and rubs his forehead, looking around the room.
“I got drunk.”
He steers his eyes away from mine, avoiding contact at all costs. We fall into silence.

“Why?”
He bites his lips and shakes his head, shrugging.
“Gee, you know you can just tell me and we can take your mind off it… somehow. We can do something fun and I’d help you stay away from the stuff-“
“I know. I’m sorry.” He mutters, bowing his head in shame. Fuck, I didn’t mean to make him feel bad. I mean, yes, he should know it’s wrong, but I’m fucking worried about him at the moment.
“Why did you lie to me? I’m not mad, just… please don’t say you’re doing something else when you’re actually out drinking. I care about you so much…”

He tucks his knees into his chest, shrugging his shoulders again. I mentally slap myself. Good job comforting him, Frank.
“Why, though?” I push, needing to know the answer.
We stare at each other, dead in the eyes.
“What made you go drinking?”
And I still don’t know when to shut the fuck up.
He jumps off the bed and just shrugs, remaining silent.

“Is it that… you don’t like me anymore? I gulp, scared of asking and scared of the answer. If he doesn’t want to touch me, and if he doesn’t want to talk to me, if he’s lied to get away from me… it’s the only reason I can think of. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I feel my eyes watering and I try my hardest not to let the tears slip out of my eyes.

-
The next few days pass with very little contact between Gerard and I, especially considering we literally live and work and… do everything together.
It breaks my heart every time I look at him. I know something’s up with him and I’m determined to find out.
I’ve asked him if he just wants me out, but every time he’ll just reply with the same, quiet mumble of ‘no, please stay.”
I’m currently on my way to the shop to buy some food. Gerard hasn’t really moved from the couch, or eaten, so I figured that I’d have to do the food shopping. I keep my black hood pulled over my head and my hands in my pockets with my head down. I watch my feet drag across the wet pavestones, occasionally looking up to cross the road. It’s cold, raining and dark in the middle of December and I should’ve brought a coat.

“Oi, kid-“
I keep my head down, glancing to the side of me with my eyes. Just keep walking.

“Did you not fucking hear me?” they shout, as I feel a tug on my shoulder and I’m flipped around to come face to face with a masked man I’m all too familiar with.

I shake away from their grasp on my shoulder, spitting “get the fuck off me, creep,” giving them the dirtiest look I could manage.

I turn back around and pick my pace up, until I’m yanked back again. I knew it wouldn’t be as easy as spitting and walking away.
I feel a sharp blow to my face, causing me to yelp in pain. How fucking dare they?
I feel so aggravated and angry, I just can’t deal with this, and all I want is to get some fucking food.

I spin around, a rush of adrenaline cursing through me as I throw my fist into the masked face with great force. I wince in pain because I’m pretty sure it hurt my hand more so than them. How do people do this… like all the time? How do they even have hands left, it kills just to punch someone!
My thoughts are broken when I feel my wrist being twisted. I yank my hand away, probably just in time before it is broken, again.
Another blow to my jaw, as excruciating pain pulses in the area. I taste blood in my mouth and spit it on the floor in disgust.
“What the fuck is your problem with me? Like seriously, what have I done to you?”
I wince and shield my jaw with my hand, weary of it being smashed again.
“I’ve told you this too many times now,” they start, pushing me against the wall.
“I’m sorry you have to pay for your boyfriends mistakes.”

The words ring through my ears like the screech of feedback.
“I’m sure you remember where you’ve heard this?”
Their dirty hand strokes over the scar on my neck, causing me to almost gag, I don’t want this fucking creep touching me.
“What about that time… in France? Do you remember that? Because I know I certainly do”.
I feel a hand grasp at my ass, when all of the sudden the memories I swore to always forget flood my mind
Knowing there’s nothing in my power I can do to stop this, I sink to the ground in an attempt to shield myself with my thin shaky arms, even though I know it just makes me weaker.

I expect the worst, but after a good ten minutes, still, nothing happens. I carefully look up, only to find no one is there. Thanks god. I push myself off the ground, brushing my hands and clothes off. I look ahead; the shop is closer than just turning back now. I might as well buy a few things while I’m here.
I check my pockets for money, which thank god is still there.
I pull my hood back over my blood and tear stained face, looking down and shakily walking into the shop. I have 60$, so I might as well just spend it all.
I pick some fruit, bread, cereal, pasta, milk, cheese and stuff like that.
I go to pay at the till, placing my items in the checkout area.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” the woman asks, probably curious as to why I’m making sure not to look up.
I hum, unable to form any words. My jaw is completely numb and I don’t think I could move it even if I could feel it.
She continues scanning stuff until I move to pay and I think my face comes into view as she gasps in response.
“Oh my gosh, are you hurt?”
I hold my jaw and shake my head, not wanting to make a fuss. I just need to get home and clean myself up.
I hand over the money, and attempt to smile because of her consideration and kindness towards me, but it’s kind of hard to move my face.
I grab the several bags and walk out of the shop, on my way home. My arms ache and the bags are really heavy.

During my walk home, I contemplate telling Gerard and asking him a few things, not that I’m expecting an answer… just the whole “boyfriends mistakes thing’ is really getting to me.

I push open the door and walk into the warm house. I slowly close the door and make my way into the kitchen, walking past Gerard as I do. He watches me pass; his eyes following my shaking and shivering body. I’m dripping with cold water and my head is hung low, my face covered by my drenched hair.

I start putting stuff away in the cupboards, until I hear a small voice from the doorway.
“Put this on-“
Gerard passes me a thick jumper and sweatpants. I look up, as he gasps in shock.

Notes

soz, i'd say ive been busy but im just lazy and ive had this written for days but i just completely forgot about updating. IM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS I PROMISE I REALLT LOVE WRITING IT AND STUFF PLS STAY ILY.

and, i figured i dont really know much about yall so why dont u tell me your name and what your favorite bands are, and the concerts you've been to, any band members you've met, what you love doing idk what ever. just tell me about yourselves bc ur all really sweet and nice so yeah, and i'll read your stories too bc i love them.
anyone is welcome to add me on kik, @iergoaway, and skype is the same but i must warn you that i rarely go on that.


ANDDD it would be cool if you guys checked out a fic by one of my v good friends, heres the link, (its really good so far i promise you'll love it)
http://www.mychemicalromancefanfiction.com/Story/75607/the-sound-of-your-name-could-silence-my-demons/



THANK YOU SO MUCH IF YOU'RE STILL READING, AND ALSO, THANK YOU FOR 200+ SUBSCRIBERS OMFG