Sing It Out

"Gerard, talk to me please I'm so confused." I begged. It didn't take too long to patch up some of his injuries. A few bandages, pills and a bit of rest and he seemed to be okay. Even with all the bruises and cuts on his face, he still looked like the most gorgeous human I've ever seen in my life. Fuck I'm really turning into the girl in this relationship, but are we in a relationship? I can't rush to conclusions. 
He turned his head cautiously, ensuring that there wasn't any unnecessary pressure on the scar at the side of his face. 
"You're not going to like me after this, truth is Frank, I really like you. You're the first person I've talked to after I went through some.... Issues. But I really do like you and I don't want to loose you so fast like Ray." he said as his eyes became clouded with tears. 
"I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on."
"Oh, okay. I'm assuming Ray told you him and I were friends before?" 
"Yeah, I know that." I confirmed. 
"Right, Ray and I used to live in a really small, run down area of a city and it was horrible. It was basically survival of the fittest. Mikey and I were doing so bad as mom couldn't get enough money for her job. So, to gain more money, I had to go out and sell stuff. Anything. Mainly drugs, but i used to also sell myself to people, for their- pleasure." he began to sob. I rested my hand on his shoulder encouragingly and he seemed to become more comfortable. 
"Ray and I were best friends, you couldn't separate us. Where he went, I went along side him or visa versa. One night, Ray was round mine and that night, mom didn't bring any money home and we hadn't eaten properly in days. I needed to go out and get money, so I had to explain to Ray what I had to do. He agreed and decided to come along with me, purely for help. Nothing seemed off, everything was fine until we got to one of my buyers. He took a fancy to Ray, he liked his hair. This guy said he would pay me £300 to fuck Ray, I obviously declined and told him to fuck off, but he didn't listen." Gerard cried out loud and I dragged him to me so I could hold him. 
"Its okay, I'm still here, I'm not going anywhere." I soothed. 
"Thank you Frankie." he tucked a strand of stray hair behind his ear and continued. 
"But this guy raped Ray. Without any word, he took him so fast, I couldn't step in and stop him. I shouted and screamed at him, but it was too late, I couldn't do anything about it. When the guy was done, he took my drugs, threw a load of money at me and sprinted off. Ray came back around and saw me with all this money and thought I paid the guy to do it. I don't blame him for hating me, it was all my fault, all for my selfish needs, but he has never let me explain to him what actually happened." I couldn't believe it, I understand why Ray is so mad and hates Gerard so much, but it wasn't his fault. 

"I want to tell Ray, even if he never forgives me, he needs an explanation." 
"I understand why he would be mad, but I'll help you explain to him. Fuck, I never knew." I felt like such a dick now, I never knew anything about my best friend, I was so out the loop. But he never wanted to tell me about his past, he was just so shady but it makes sense now. 
"That's why we moved, we found somewhere where mom got a decent job, it wasn't the best place, but it made do. That's why I moved. I couldn't tell Ray then. Ever since then he build up his hatred for me as I never actually spoke to him after that night. We made enough money all together to move here, a bigger and better place and I'm actually kinda glad we moved here." 
"Whys that?" I asked. 
"I met you, I don't fucking deserve you, holding me, comforting you, fuck I don't even deserve to know you." he began crying again. 
"Gerard, I won't fucking leave you, I wouldnt dream of it. What's in the past is I'm the past and we all have to learn to move on, even from the bad things and look on into the future. And I can bet you'll be with me in the future. We will get past this, we will explain everything, get confirmation, together." I said firmly, even though I could feel tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. 
"I just want to die Frankie. I don't deserve this."  In just one line, my world sunk, I couldnt think of anything to say, no words could explain or even begin to respond to that sentence. 
So, I began to sing. 
i got my bags all packed and i’m ready to go. 
i’m standing outside of your figurative door.
 and i’m ready for the flight or to fall of a cliff, 
but if it’s alright with you i’d rather not miss out on us. 
cause your face is all i need to stay sane. 
i’ve spent my life getting in my own way. 
so i could use something good, i really need this to work out.
 of course the way things have been going it might be smarter to just cash out. 

but you’re on my mind,
 and the things that you say hurt me most of the time.
 but i’m sinking fast so it’s alright.

 i’ve tied my stomach in knots and I’m ready to know. 
i’ll put it on the line if you’d just give it a go. 
cause i wanna be the only one to hold you so close and so tight. 
and if it’s cool with you, i’d really love to spend the night.
you said you never wanna be saved, 
well, that’s ok because i really wouldn’t know how. 
just know that the best that i’ll ever be is whatever you make me and wherever you are…

you’re on my mind, 
and the things that you say hurt me most of the time  
but i’m on your side,
 cause i know i’m not easy to deal with sometimes.
 but i’m sinking fast, so it’s alright. 

all we wanted
 was what we were, 
and what we were was young and naive. 
i found my place in this world, 
it’s in your wake.

 you’re on my mind,
 and the things that you say hurt me most of the time.
 but i’m on your side,
 because i know i’m not easy to deal with sometimes. 
but once in a while, 
i wish you would tell me if you even care. 
because i’m sinking fast, 
and i need you…i need you to know that i’m alright.

I finished the last line with so much passion. Gerard looked at me, straight in the eye and leaned in just enough so that our heads touched as we gazed at each other. He truely was beautiful, I don't want to imagine him on the streets, so desperate and deprived of all human essentials. His hand trailed to the back of my neck and he brought me in softly for a kiss. 

"I love you Frank, we haven't known each other for long but, fuck it, I love you." 
My heart once again melted.
"I- I- I love you too." and then the tears really did fall just as the door swung open.

"Jesus Christ it's like hormone heaven in here." Mikey said rather sarcastically. A pillow hit his head within a second as Gerard laughed. I could get used to this. 

Notes

Moooore to come soon. I'm sorry