Dead.

It was late at night. Mikey slept over, sleeping beside me. Gerard slept over too, but he slept on the couch in the living room. I couldn't sleep. I kept experiencing the same scenario of murdering that teen. No remorse. I couldn't shed a tear, I couldn't hold myself back...but it all felt so good. I relieved tension, stress. I did something knew that I loved and could get me into big trouble.

I turned to the side and looked at Mikey. He was sound asleep, his breathing was calm. Mikey was a long term friend of mine...would I feel anything if I killed him? I grabbed a strand of his hair in between my fingers, feeling the greasy but settling strands. If Gerard were to murder Mikey, would I be mad? I didn't like the thought of Mikey dead, but I wouldn't feel sad. I suppose I did have some emotions.

"Frankie," A voice whispered.

I slowly sat up on the queen sized bed. I looked underneath the door frame to find Gerard who was shirtless. He stared at me, "Come here, Frankie." He whispered before disappearing down the hall.

It disturb me a bit but I quietly got off the bed and followed him to the living room. He was sitting down on the couch, opening up a beer bottle. He looked at me as I sat next to him. Gerard said, "Do you wanna sip?" He put the end of the bottle on my lips. The stench of alcohol traveled up my nose. I shook my head, "No."

He didn't pull away. His eyes stared at my lips. He said nothing. I wasn't sure what to do so I instead grabbed the bottle and drank a bit. The taste burned my throat. I pulled back the bottle and groaned in disgust.

Gerard grinned, "Not a fan of beer, I see."

I leaned back onto the couch, "Not really."

Gerard smirked. He leaned back next to me and moved closer. He suddenly said, "Frankie, there's something I've been dying to do for a while." Gerard got up, his torso facing me. He took a gulp of his beverage before nudging my legs open. My face burned hot, but I didn't say anything. It was when he went in between my legs, my hands grasped onto the sofa. Gerard said as he reeled my shorts down, "I'm not in love with you. You're just really fucking hot."

His hands wrapped around the base of my penis, and I flinched. My whole body nudged rapidly as I pulled away from him. I got up from the couch, panting heavily. Gerard looked at me, "Nervous?"

I looked up at him, "I just...never been touched."

Gerard gave a half smile, "Good time to experience it, don't you think?"

He was right. I never said that it didn't feel good, so why shouldn't I let him? Before I knew it, I was back onto the couch, my shorts down to my ankles. Gerard looked up at me from in between my legs, "Just relax, kid." He chuckled.

His lips wrapped around the tip. I felt his tongue press onto the top of the tip, flicking it from inside his mouth. I tossed my head back, "Ah~" I let out, enjoying the hot sensation my body was feeling. It was all fun and games until he decided to nibble. I tightened my jaw, "Gerard." I growled.

I can feel the vibration of his laughter on my penis. I couldn't help but to smile, but it still fucking hurt. Gerard moved his head back and forth, giving me goosebumps throughout my body. It felt fucking amazing, so I came. He swallowed, which made me moan. Gerard pulled away, "I don't think I've ever done that to someone who actually wanted it." He laughed.

I wasn't in love with Gerard...I mean, I couldn't love, right? Because I'm a psychotic person. And he's a psychotic person...we couldn't love each other. We couldn't have any feelings toward each other, right? There was something buried deep inside me that was saying...maybe you're wrong.

Notes