Headfirst For Halos
Chapter 2. Just Think Happy Thoughts
Gerard’s Point of View
Time: 12:35 pm (post meridiem)
Date: January 7th, 1998. Wednesday.
Location: The Rec Room of Shaded Pines Mental Institute
I'd never seen him before in my life, but I did feel bad for him, crying alone in the corner like that. I couldn't approach him, no... My social anxiety was too strong right now, and definitely would not let me, so I decided to use my art skills to cheer the kid up. I'm in this institute because of my severe depression, and it hurts to see someone else cry.
I worked at one of the little white tables in the rec center, after collecting paper. I made sure no one was watching before I drew my pen out (they wouldn't let us have pens because you could stab someone with it). I drew a note on the white piece of paper, four simple words incorporated into a drawing, before folding the paper end over end into a paper airplane. On the wings, in big bold letters I wrote, "READ ME".
I threw the paper airplane towards him, and it hit him in the head, the tip crumpling against his forehead. I didn't mean to hit him, and I felt even worse because when he looked up he looked upset, rubbing his head and scowling a little. He hit the wall before grabbing the airplane. He was about to crumple it up, but noticed the words written on the wings, and began to unfold the paper.
He stared at it for a moment before a wide grin spread across his face. He looked up and looked around for whoever threw the airplane at him. I looked back down on the paper, and continued to draw. I continued to draw until a woman attendant came by and took my pen from me, scolding me for having it, and beginning to walk away.
“Hey!” I shot out of my chair, nearly falling, and narrowed my eyes at the nurse as she turned around. She placed the pen in her back pocket, and placed her hands firmly on her hips, “You can’t have this. You have been known for your suicide attempts, and a pen could be used as a weapon.” She told me. A low growl rumbled in my throat. “So are my hands, nails, and teeth!” I shouted, “Are you going to take those from me, too?!” I snatched for the pen, but she stepped out of the way.
Everyone was staring at me, but I was too mad to notice.
They have deprived me of EVERYTHING! My comics, my art supplies, my books, music, phone, computer, contact to the outside world, everything! That pen was all that I had left, and now they were trying to take that too!? I used that to draw, and drawing was my only outlet besides my journal! She couldn’t take it from me. I wouldn’t let her! No, she would not have that pen so long as I live, walk, and breathe. No, no chance!
The small boy who had been crying in the corner a moment ago had gotten to his feet and crossed the room. He hugged the woman, tears still streaming down his cheeks. She looked alarmed, but she awkwardly hugged him back, before letting him go, and walking away.
When he spun around, he had a huge, triumphant grin on his face, and he presented me with the pen. I smiled back, and took the pen gratefully, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I said. I turned to put the pen back down, but when I looked back to him to ask his name, he was already walking away, down the hallway, holding the paper airplane.
I gathered my stuff, and was about to follow him, when a cheery voice rang from behind me, “Jarred! It is time for your session.” The therapist stood behind me, grinning brightly.
I’ve been here for two fucking years, with the same goddamn therapist, and he’s still not calling me by my real name.
“It’s Gerard.” I pointed out blatantly, my voice was full irritation.
I grabbed my drawing, and I tucked my pen away before following the man, Mr. Ecox, to his office where he held his therapy sessions.
Mr. Ecox was an older man. He was short, and fat, and had a jolly smile that always creased his lips. He was a balding man, and his gray hair curled around the sides of his head. He wore little round glasses that were placed precariously on the bridge of his round, fat nose, and his eyes were always squinted behind the glasses. He wore a white shirt and black pants, and he sweated heavily. He reminded me of a puffer fish because his face was always red and puffy.
Mr. Ecox was always friendly enough, but I also found him to often be rather oblivious. Oh, and another thing was that he laughed far too often.
“What did you draw today, Gerald?” He asked me.
I opened my mouth to correct him, but thought better of it, because it wouldn’t get through anyways. I sighed softly and looked at the drawing, not quite sure what I had drawn, myself. When I looked at the drawing I felt a warm blush spread over my face.
I had drawn the boy, his tattooed fingers were wrapped around his legs, just below his knees, which were pulled up to his chest. His head hung, and his hair covered his face. I had gone so far to even add the fraying to the hem of his pants. Above him, written on the wall, it said in bloody letters, “Just think happy thoughts”, and the paper airplane I had made rested by his feet.
“Er… nothing.” I answered hastily, hugging the picture to my chest. He glanced at me, but then shrugged, leaving it be.
“Please sit, Garret.”
I sat down across from the man, still holding my sketch pad to my chest in an almost protective manner, like I didn’t want the old man to see the drawing.
We spoke for an hour, as usual, and then I left.
I wandered around the rec center, looking for the boy I had thrown the plane at, but he was nowhere to be found. Disappointment boiled up in my stomach, and I frowned. Maybe I’d see him at dinner? I really hoped so…
I went back to my room to pass the time until dinner.
I grabbed the tape off of my desk, the roll I had stolen from the front desk, and I hung the picture I had drawn on my wall beside my bed. Questions ran through my head as I stared at the picture. What was his name? What was he like? Why was he here?
I was actually just about to drift off to sleep when I heard screaming. The screaming was followed by a loud thump, and then the sounds of a struggle.
Now, these sounds weren’t such a shocker because things like this happened here all the time. It was a mental institute after all. I walked out into the hallway anyways because I was curious. The sight that greeted was welcomed, and not.
The boy from the corner was being wrestled down by several attendants. He was fighting back, shouting, and squirming, kicking and struggling like he was going to be killed by the attendants. He shrieked, and snapped, and screamed, trying to bite the attendants, but they kept hold of him as he tried to escape.
A lot of people were watching from their doorways, some of them were crying, but all of them stared at the small boy struggle against the attendants. I wanted to walk out there and see what was going on, but I was too nervous.
The attendant that had taken my pen earlier grabbed the boy by the shoulders, “Calm down! You’re going to cause more trouble then you’re worth!” She shouted, shaking him gently. He just stared at her, falling still.
“Tell me why you won’t go into that room.” She said, pointing through the door. He was silent while the woman waited for his response. He then shook his head no, and she frowned. “How would you like to share a room with one of our other patients?” She asked, “Would that make you feel any better?” He nodded slowly, but the other attendants tried to warn her against it.
“Lovely! You’ll stay with…” She turned, and then her eyes fell on me, “Him!” My face fell. “Fuck that!” I shouted, shaking my head vigorously. “I have NEVER had a roommate and I am NOT having one now!” I shrieked.
Ten minutes later I was helping the boy unpack, and he still hadn’t said a word. “Uh… I’m Gerard…” I introduced, feeling my heart beat begin to speed up when I realized that the picture I had drawn of him was on my wall.
“Er… What’s your name?” I asked, trying to distract him from the wall, but he was staring at the drawing intently, reading it slowly, mouthing it over and over again, “Just think happy thoughts”. He then turned to me, smiling like a lunatic, and I thought for sure he was going to take my pen and stab me with it or something, but instead, he hugged me.
Frank’s Point of View
Time: 12:35 pm (post meridiem)
Date: January 7th, 1998. Wednesday
Location: The Rec Room of Shaded Pines Mental Institute
I have been here for an hour, and only an hour, and I’ve already got bullies, and a nickname, “Itsy-Bitsy Iero”. I was sensitive, so it was so surprise to me, or to Matty that I was already alone in a corner, crying. People here were already worse than the kids at school.
I was sent because of the fact that I almost killed a guy a few days ago. The court found me not guilty for reasons of insanity, but they sent me here because I was a threat to myself and everyone around me. Other than that, I had a wide array of phobias, schizophrenia, and a very unstable mental state. I could snap at any moment quite honestly. But I refuse to believe I belong here, Matty tells me I’m fine, and I believe him over everyone else.
“Someone’s watching you.” Matty tapped my shoulder gently, and when I looked up, he pointed to the boy with red hair sitting at a white table. He was glancing over at me, but then glanced back down at his paper, and continued to draw. I ignored him, looking back down at my lap, hugging my knees close to my chest.
A few minutes after I put my head back down something hit me. I looked up, and scowled. A paper airplane with the words “read me” on it had hit me, the tip had crumpled against my head. I snatched the paper off the ground, and unfolded it.
Drawn on the inside of the wings was a man holding a gun in his mouth. It appeared he had already fired the shot, because the bullet was exiting the back of his skull, and splattered above him in fragmented, bloody letters it said “just think happy thoughts”. For some reason, this made me smile. I looked up to see who had thrown the plane, but no one was looking over at me.
I wrinkled my nose and refolded the plane, setting it by my feet. T kept my head down until I heard yelling, and then I looked back up to see why.
“Hey!” The red head shot to his feet and advanced on a nurse who was holding the golden pen that he had been drawing with. She told him he couldn’t keep the pen because it could be used as a weapon, and the boy’s face turned red with anger. “So can my hands, nails, and teeth!” He retorted, “Are you going to take those too?” He sounded furious.
Everyone in the room was staring at him now.
I got to my feet as he failed at trying to grab the pen, and crossed the floor. I approached the nurse, and gave her a big hug, tears still running down my face. She had placed the pen in her pocket, so when she hugged me, I easily lifted the object without her noticing.
When she walked around, I spun on my heels to face the red head boy. I had a cheesy, triumphant grin on my face as I presented the pen to him. A huge grin spread across his face, almost big enough to match mine. He took the pen from me, and said in a happy voice, “Thank you thank you thank you!” And then he turned around.
When he turned around I walked away. I walked down the hallway to the pool. Yes, for some reason we had a pool. I couldn’t swim, so I couldn’t go in the water, but the room itself was dark, and quiet. I liked dark and quiet.
“Why do you like being alone so much?” Matty asked, sitting down next to me.
I looked over at him as I removed my shoes, and I shrugged. “I don’t actually know.” I admitted as I pulled my socks off. The blonde boy sitting next to me mimicked my movements, casting his socks and shoes aside.
“I guess it’s because I’m so used to being alone.” I said, rolling up my jeans, and putting my feet in the water. He did the same.
“And why is that?” He asked, looking up at the ceiling.
“Because until I met you last year, no one except my mom came anywhere near me.” I said flatly. My monotone voice told him that he shouldn’t ask anymore.
We sat there for about an hour talking about random things before a couple of men walked in, “Mr. Iero?” They asked. I nodded my conformation. “Please come with us, we’re going to show you to your room.”
I stood up and followed them without words.
I stayed pretty calm and silent until I saw the room they were going to put me in. My claustrophobia kicked in and I began to freak out. I spun on my heels and moved to walk away, but the grabbed me, and in my attempts to get away I hit against the wall and started shouting.
Soon everyone in the hallway was standing in their doorways, watching me kick, and squirm, and scream. I noticed the red head out of the corner of my eye.
I stopped moving when the nurse from earlier grabbed my shoulders. “Calm down! You’re going to cause more trouble then you’re worth!” She shouted, shaking me gently. She looked me in the eye, “Tell me why you won’t go into that room.” She demanded, pointing to the room. I was silent and still for a few moments before shaking my head no.
“How would you like to share a room with one of our other patients?” She asked me slowly, “Would that make you feel any better?” I began to nod a little. “Lovely! You’ll stay with…” She paused and glanced around, before staring at the red head, “him!”
His face fell, “Fuck that!” He shouted, shaking his head furiously. “I have NEVER had a roommate and I am NOT having one now!” That comment kind of hurt.
Ten minutes later, he was helping me get situated. I was staring at the picture on his wall, only half listening to him, “Uh… I’m Gerard…” He attempted to speak to me, but I was just repeating the words on the drawing to myself. Then I glanced at the airplane in my hand. “Er… What’s your name?” He tried again.
I didn’t answer, but instead I spun around a huge grin on my face. He looked like I was about to stab him or something, but I didn't. I hugged him. He had given me the airplane, and he had also drawn a fabulous drawing of me. I could tell it was me because of the tattoos on the fingers. He awkwardly hugged me back after a moment.
I grabbed the tape I saw on the desk and took a few pieces, before unfolding the airplane and taping it up on the wall.
“Frank.” I turned around and stared at him, “I’m Frank.”
Time: 12:35 pm (post meridiem)
Date: January 7th, 1998. Wednesday.
Location: The Rec Room of Shaded Pines Mental Institute
I'd never seen him before in my life, but I did feel bad for him, crying alone in the corner like that. I couldn't approach him, no... My social anxiety was too strong right now, and definitely would not let me, so I decided to use my art skills to cheer the kid up. I'm in this institute because of my severe depression, and it hurts to see someone else cry.
I worked at one of the little white tables in the rec center, after collecting paper. I made sure no one was watching before I drew my pen out (they wouldn't let us have pens because you could stab someone with it). I drew a note on the white piece of paper, four simple words incorporated into a drawing, before folding the paper end over end into a paper airplane. On the wings, in big bold letters I wrote, "READ ME".
I threw the paper airplane towards him, and it hit him in the head, the tip crumpling against his forehead. I didn't mean to hit him, and I felt even worse because when he looked up he looked upset, rubbing his head and scowling a little. He hit the wall before grabbing the airplane. He was about to crumple it up, but noticed the words written on the wings, and began to unfold the paper.
He stared at it for a moment before a wide grin spread across his face. He looked up and looked around for whoever threw the airplane at him. I looked back down on the paper, and continued to draw. I continued to draw until a woman attendant came by and took my pen from me, scolding me for having it, and beginning to walk away.
“Hey!” I shot out of my chair, nearly falling, and narrowed my eyes at the nurse as she turned around. She placed the pen in her back pocket, and placed her hands firmly on her hips, “You can’t have this. You have been known for your suicide attempts, and a pen could be used as a weapon.” She told me. A low growl rumbled in my throat. “So are my hands, nails, and teeth!” I shouted, “Are you going to take those from me, too?!” I snatched for the pen, but she stepped out of the way.
Everyone was staring at me, but I was too mad to notice.
They have deprived me of EVERYTHING! My comics, my art supplies, my books, music, phone, computer, contact to the outside world, everything! That pen was all that I had left, and now they were trying to take that too!? I used that to draw, and drawing was my only outlet besides my journal! She couldn’t take it from me. I wouldn’t let her! No, she would not have that pen so long as I live, walk, and breathe. No, no chance!
The small boy who had been crying in the corner a moment ago had gotten to his feet and crossed the room. He hugged the woman, tears still streaming down his cheeks. She looked alarmed, but she awkwardly hugged him back, before letting him go, and walking away.
When he spun around, he had a huge, triumphant grin on his face, and he presented me with the pen. I smiled back, and took the pen gratefully, “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I said. I turned to put the pen back down, but when I looked back to him to ask his name, he was already walking away, down the hallway, holding the paper airplane.
I gathered my stuff, and was about to follow him, when a cheery voice rang from behind me, “Jarred! It is time for your session.” The therapist stood behind me, grinning brightly.
I’ve been here for two fucking years, with the same goddamn therapist, and he’s still not calling me by my real name.
“It’s Gerard.” I pointed out blatantly, my voice was full irritation.
I grabbed my drawing, and I tucked my pen away before following the man, Mr. Ecox, to his office where he held his therapy sessions.
Mr. Ecox was an older man. He was short, and fat, and had a jolly smile that always creased his lips. He was a balding man, and his gray hair curled around the sides of his head. He wore little round glasses that were placed precariously on the bridge of his round, fat nose, and his eyes were always squinted behind the glasses. He wore a white shirt and black pants, and he sweated heavily. He reminded me of a puffer fish because his face was always red and puffy.
Mr. Ecox was always friendly enough, but I also found him to often be rather oblivious. Oh, and another thing was that he laughed far too often.
“What did you draw today, Gerald?” He asked me.
I opened my mouth to correct him, but thought better of it, because it wouldn’t get through anyways. I sighed softly and looked at the drawing, not quite sure what I had drawn, myself. When I looked at the drawing I felt a warm blush spread over my face.
I had drawn the boy, his tattooed fingers were wrapped around his legs, just below his knees, which were pulled up to his chest. His head hung, and his hair covered his face. I had gone so far to even add the fraying to the hem of his pants. Above him, written on the wall, it said in bloody letters, “Just think happy thoughts”, and the paper airplane I had made rested by his feet.
“Er… nothing.” I answered hastily, hugging the picture to my chest. He glanced at me, but then shrugged, leaving it be.
“Please sit, Garret.”
I sat down across from the man, still holding my sketch pad to my chest in an almost protective manner, like I didn’t want the old man to see the drawing.
We spoke for an hour, as usual, and then I left.
I wandered around the rec center, looking for the boy I had thrown the plane at, but he was nowhere to be found. Disappointment boiled up in my stomach, and I frowned. Maybe I’d see him at dinner? I really hoped so…
I went back to my room to pass the time until dinner.
I grabbed the tape off of my desk, the roll I had stolen from the front desk, and I hung the picture I had drawn on my wall beside my bed. Questions ran through my head as I stared at the picture. What was his name? What was he like? Why was he here?
I was actually just about to drift off to sleep when I heard screaming. The screaming was followed by a loud thump, and then the sounds of a struggle.
Now, these sounds weren’t such a shocker because things like this happened here all the time. It was a mental institute after all. I walked out into the hallway anyways because I was curious. The sight that greeted was welcomed, and not.
The boy from the corner was being wrestled down by several attendants. He was fighting back, shouting, and squirming, kicking and struggling like he was going to be killed by the attendants. He shrieked, and snapped, and screamed, trying to bite the attendants, but they kept hold of him as he tried to escape.
A lot of people were watching from their doorways, some of them were crying, but all of them stared at the small boy struggle against the attendants. I wanted to walk out there and see what was going on, but I was too nervous.
The attendant that had taken my pen earlier grabbed the boy by the shoulders, “Calm down! You’re going to cause more trouble then you’re worth!” She shouted, shaking him gently. He just stared at her, falling still.
“Tell me why you won’t go into that room.” She said, pointing through the door. He was silent while the woman waited for his response. He then shook his head no, and she frowned. “How would you like to share a room with one of our other patients?” She asked, “Would that make you feel any better?” He nodded slowly, but the other attendants tried to warn her against it.
“Lovely! You’ll stay with…” She turned, and then her eyes fell on me, “Him!” My face fell. “Fuck that!” I shouted, shaking my head vigorously. “I have NEVER had a roommate and I am NOT having one now!” I shrieked.
Ten minutes later I was helping the boy unpack, and he still hadn’t said a word. “Uh… I’m Gerard…” I introduced, feeling my heart beat begin to speed up when I realized that the picture I had drawn of him was on my wall.
“Er… What’s your name?” I asked, trying to distract him from the wall, but he was staring at the drawing intently, reading it slowly, mouthing it over and over again, “Just think happy thoughts”. He then turned to me, smiling like a lunatic, and I thought for sure he was going to take my pen and stab me with it or something, but instead, he hugged me.
Frank’s Point of View
Time: 12:35 pm (post meridiem)
Date: January 7th, 1998. Wednesday
Location: The Rec Room of Shaded Pines Mental Institute
I have been here for an hour, and only an hour, and I’ve already got bullies, and a nickname, “Itsy-Bitsy Iero”. I was sensitive, so it was so surprise to me, or to Matty that I was already alone in a corner, crying. People here were already worse than the kids at school.
I was sent because of the fact that I almost killed a guy a few days ago. The court found me not guilty for reasons of insanity, but they sent me here because I was a threat to myself and everyone around me. Other than that, I had a wide array of phobias, schizophrenia, and a very unstable mental state. I could snap at any moment quite honestly. But I refuse to believe I belong here, Matty tells me I’m fine, and I believe him over everyone else.
“Someone’s watching you.” Matty tapped my shoulder gently, and when I looked up, he pointed to the boy with red hair sitting at a white table. He was glancing over at me, but then glanced back down at his paper, and continued to draw. I ignored him, looking back down at my lap, hugging my knees close to my chest.
A few minutes after I put my head back down something hit me. I looked up, and scowled. A paper airplane with the words “read me” on it had hit me, the tip had crumpled against my head. I snatched the paper off the ground, and unfolded it.
Drawn on the inside of the wings was a man holding a gun in his mouth. It appeared he had already fired the shot, because the bullet was exiting the back of his skull, and splattered above him in fragmented, bloody letters it said “just think happy thoughts”. For some reason, this made me smile. I looked up to see who had thrown the plane, but no one was looking over at me.
I wrinkled my nose and refolded the plane, setting it by my feet. T kept my head down until I heard yelling, and then I looked back up to see why.
“Hey!” The red head shot to his feet and advanced on a nurse who was holding the golden pen that he had been drawing with. She told him he couldn’t keep the pen because it could be used as a weapon, and the boy’s face turned red with anger. “So can my hands, nails, and teeth!” He retorted, “Are you going to take those too?” He sounded furious.
Everyone in the room was staring at him now.
I got to my feet as he failed at trying to grab the pen, and crossed the floor. I approached the nurse, and gave her a big hug, tears still running down my face. She had placed the pen in her pocket, so when she hugged me, I easily lifted the object without her noticing.
When she walked around, I spun on my heels to face the red head boy. I had a cheesy, triumphant grin on my face as I presented the pen to him. A huge grin spread across his face, almost big enough to match mine. He took the pen from me, and said in a happy voice, “Thank you thank you thank you!” And then he turned around.
When he turned around I walked away. I walked down the hallway to the pool. Yes, for some reason we had a pool. I couldn’t swim, so I couldn’t go in the water, but the room itself was dark, and quiet. I liked dark and quiet.
“Why do you like being alone so much?” Matty asked, sitting down next to me.
I looked over at him as I removed my shoes, and I shrugged. “I don’t actually know.” I admitted as I pulled my socks off. The blonde boy sitting next to me mimicked my movements, casting his socks and shoes aside.
“I guess it’s because I’m so used to being alone.” I said, rolling up my jeans, and putting my feet in the water. He did the same.
“And why is that?” He asked, looking up at the ceiling.
“Because until I met you last year, no one except my mom came anywhere near me.” I said flatly. My monotone voice told him that he shouldn’t ask anymore.
We sat there for about an hour talking about random things before a couple of men walked in, “Mr. Iero?” They asked. I nodded my conformation. “Please come with us, we’re going to show you to your room.”
I stood up and followed them without words.
I stayed pretty calm and silent until I saw the room they were going to put me in. My claustrophobia kicked in and I began to freak out. I spun on my heels and moved to walk away, but the grabbed me, and in my attempts to get away I hit against the wall and started shouting.
Soon everyone in the hallway was standing in their doorways, watching me kick, and squirm, and scream. I noticed the red head out of the corner of my eye.
I stopped moving when the nurse from earlier grabbed my shoulders. “Calm down! You’re going to cause more trouble then you’re worth!” She shouted, shaking me gently. She looked me in the eye, “Tell me why you won’t go into that room.” She demanded, pointing to the room. I was silent and still for a few moments before shaking my head no.
“How would you like to share a room with one of our other patients?” She asked me slowly, “Would that make you feel any better?” I began to nod a little. “Lovely! You’ll stay with…” She paused and glanced around, before staring at the red head, “him!”
His face fell, “Fuck that!” He shouted, shaking his head furiously. “I have NEVER had a roommate and I am NOT having one now!” That comment kind of hurt.
Ten minutes later, he was helping me get situated. I was staring at the picture on his wall, only half listening to him, “Uh… I’m Gerard…” He attempted to speak to me, but I was just repeating the words on the drawing to myself. Then I glanced at the airplane in my hand. “Er… What’s your name?” He tried again.
I didn’t answer, but instead I spun around a huge grin on my face. He looked like I was about to stab him or something, but I didn't. I hugged him. He had given me the airplane, and he had also drawn a fabulous drawing of me. I could tell it was me because of the tattoos on the fingers. He awkwardly hugged me back after a moment.
I grabbed the tape I saw on the desk and took a few pieces, before unfolding the airplane and taping it up on the wall.
“Frank.” I turned around and stared at him, “I’m Frank.”
Notes
Chapter 2 is up, and Frank is in the institute.
Comment, rate subscribe, and all those nice things.
Later, lovelies!
this rocks like totally holy gerard this is awesome
3/14/15