Leaving

The light from the fire was dim, and the night time was slowly creeping up on our little camp just off Battery City. I wanted to go inside and sleep, to dream of how things might have been, but I was stuck out on watch with Gerard. This usually wasn’t such a bad thing. Usually, we’d have abandoned our posts a long time ago to find some time to share behind the abandoned gas station we now called home. Usually.

“I told the guy to just come join us here because we could use more hands, but he insisted on living out there alone. I mean, really. Just how stupid are some people?” Gerard hadn’t shut up about this one guy he’d met a couple of days ago. I wasn’t jealous, for once, that he’d taken an interest in somebody other than me. I knew he liked to flirt. We all knew, particularly after that night we’d found a stash of old liquor hidden away beneath the floorboards behind where the register used to be. He reckons he wasn’t that drunk, but several accounts of his lips on other people throughout the night said otherwise. He didn’t remember. I did.

“Well he probably likes it out there by himself. I mean I don’t see how, but…”

“Exactly! How could anyone enjoy being out there alone?”

“I don’t know.” We were silent for a moment then. “Gerard, how come we never went back?”

“Back?”

“To Battery City.” His laughter rang out then through the empty air and echoed in my mind. I kept the words threatening to escape my lips to myself.

“Oh Frank, you’re hilarious sometimes. Back to Battery City? I’d rather die.” His eyes scanned over the desert terrain that surrounded us where we stood, and his hand found mine in the dark. His thumb ran amiably down the side of mine then back up again, and I felt him pulling me away from our post.

“C’mon, Frankie, there’s no one out there tonight.”

“Gerard, I’m rather tired…” Well I tried that line, but he just pulled me away with all the more haste.

“Please, Gerard…” My words were once again left to drift away as Gerard ignored them and placed his lips back to mine, his hands moving to the small of my back. I felt so wrong. My eyes were about to burst with tears and his were shut too tight to notice. His lips trailed down my neck and rested on my collar bone once he’d unzipped my jacket, and I felt a tingle there as he licked. His hands moved to rest on my hips and his knees made a small thud as they hit the dirt, and I bet that smirk was on his face as his teeth took hold of my belt buckle.

“Gerard,” I whispered, and I guess he took it the wrong way. His hands made quick work of my belt but my hands on his shoulders pushed him back, shaking just a little as I let him go.

“Frank?”

“I can’t.”

“Well we can swap positions if you don’t think you can get it u–”

“No I can’t. I fucking can’t. Not now. Not… not ever.”

“Have I done something?” He looked worried then as he got back on his feet, not bothering to dust the dirt from his jeans. “Frankie, what have I done?”

“I’m leaving.” I’d said it so small that even I’d barely heard it, but the breeze helped to carry it his way.

“I don’t understand.” The look on his face proved that. His bright eyes were wide and he hadn’t blinked since they’d opened, and his lips were parted with a slight ‘o’. I felt horrible. I was leaving him here alone, but it was what I had to do. If I didn’t leave I’d die. I couldn’t live as he seemed to want. I missed the city, and I missed the normality. I missed spending nights in bed asleep, instead of out in the cold with laser guns pointed towards anything that dared to move in the dark. I missed having enough food to last the week, and warm showers and hell, even the simple things like flowers and trees. There was none of that out here, only the decay and death that was soon to reach us, too. I didn’t understand how he couldn’t see that. I’d been trying to get him to understand for months now, but he never changed his attitude. Battery City was a bad place full of people taking all they could, and they’d only suck the life force from you like a vampire. I refused to believe that could be any worse than our current situation, being dirty, starved, and isolated.

“I’m leaving for Battery City. Tonight.” The look that crossed his face was one of disgust before he straightened himself out again. His hands found mine once more and I could feel him begging me, pleading me with those eyes, but it was too late. My decision had been made. My bags were in the back room packed and ready to go.

“Stay,” he whispered, and his head came to rest against the side of mine. “Please stay. Please stay. Please, Frank. Stay for me.” I felt as his tears soaked into my shirt, and his hands gripped mine that little bit tighter.

“You found a home in all your scars and ammunition, Gerard,” I croaked. “I didn’t.” Those tears finally fell from my own eyes as he took a few steps back from me, his hands dropping to his sides.

“So this is it?” I nodded feebly, and he turned and walked away. I heard as he kicked the wall on his way back inside the gas station, and a loud, anguished cry filled the night.

I was quiet as I made my way through the station a few hours later, wanting the rest of the clan to be asleep whilst I took my leave. I was sure I’d made it out without disturbing anyone but saw I was wrong as I got to the front room. Gerard stood with his elbows resting on the windowsill as he looked out at nothing in particular, his backpack by his feet. He didn’t say a word as he turned to face me, picking up his pack and slinging in over his shoulder before he walked out the door before me. He took my hand as I caught up to him, and again his thumb ran up and down my own.

“You knew I’d not let you leave by yourself, didn’t you? I love you.” I wasn’t sure what to say. If he loved me more than he hated Battery City, then I was the luckiest man alive.

Notes

I'm totally proud of this, having just re-read it again for the first time in forever. Comments and such are very much appreciated.