Dark Side of a Smile

I never wanted this to happen, I never asked for this life. I never wanted to be here in this place. I never wanted to meet him, but I did and I fell in love with him, I got pregnant with his child, how could I ever get pregnant? Well i have special genes, its weird. but thats how. I love my daughter so much, if only I could see her. They won't let me. Gerard will never see the baby, he never even knew about her. Its so sad, she'll never know either of us. I'm happy she'll never see Gerard. I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself. I'm Frank, Frank Iero. My hobbies are playing guitar, listening to music, and when I was a addict, I would cut myself and do large amouts of drugs and have all this sex I hardly remember. damn myself. I couldn't control myself and then the one time we don't use a condom I end up pregnant with his child. I guess I shouldn't start with that. I should start from the beagining. Gerard and I grew up together, never did anything without each other, we knew everything, every secret, every thought, we were predictable to each other. I can't help but miss those times. When high school came we found more and more about our sexuality and what we like and what we don't like, but before I do that, there's other things you must know other than me and Gerard. Don't worry you'll hear more later.
Lets talk about my parents. When I was younger we were happy family, then when my mom had her miscarrige and dad lost his job. everything kinda changed. Mom barely relized I was even there, if she did all she do is say how useless I was and how she wished I was the miscarrige. Ouch, thanks mom. I was only eight. What the fuck, right? I didn't know why she hated me so much. What did I do? I was born. Everyday it got worse. Where was daddy? He got a new job with less pay and way more hours and days. He only got one day out of the week off and he spent that day sleeping, poor guy. Mom knew enemies so she would compare me especialy when I was in middle school going through puberty, God she just had to compare me to my worst enemy, at that time it was this kid named Pete, funny. He became my drug dealer at one point. Anyway she would say like "I wish you weren't a pussy, Pete isn't a pussy like you", "I wish Pete was my son and not a fag like you" too bad he's gay too. I never told her that. I think if I did i would get bitch slapped, I never liked getting slapped. Gerard always was there for me when I cried, he never knew how I started cutting, it was after Pete beat the shit out of me. I'm pretty sure my nose isn't broken but its fractured, mom stopped me saying how I look like a "fuckin' fag" thanks mom. I ran upstairs. I didn't know what I grabbed at first, I just grabbed something sharp. Cut after cut on my wrists, I never cried so much. I wore a long sleeve and boxers that night, and I left my window open for Gerard. He always went into my bedroom for a cuddle buddy. We were Shopmores when this happened, he came in as always and held me, it was hard not to cry but I just fell asleep to him breathing. I woke up with my shirt off and Gerard crying. I never felt so guilty in my life, he kept asking why. I didn't know how to awnser that at first. I had to think. I barely remeber grabbing whatever to hurt myself with, I just remember my vision being blurry and seeing red. i'm pathetic. "Frankie, why? Why did you do this?" "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking" he looked so dissapointed and made me promise, I did, I didn't keep the promise, the pain was better than any emoinal pain I was feeling. He tried so hard. Mom and Dad didn't notice, I just wore long sleeves. No one knew, why didn't I go get help?

Notes

Check out my other story! I hope you like this! Comment!