Whips in passion

‘’ This may sting a little bit’’ Gerard said as he held a cotton ball soaked in alcohol inches away from my swollen eye he placed the cotton ball on my it a hiss escaping my lips at the stinging sensation the alcohol made as it met the bruise and split skin.

His face was mere inches away from mine as he tended to the bruises and wounds he caused to my body, I didn’t even realize I had a split lip until he tended it with the same treatment my eye is getting now, the alcohol again makes me flinch away from it “Frankie Please, don’t move a lot It’ll be done soon” he said again, I frowned and hugged my knees tightly against my chest.
He had to literally carry me out of the basement, I couldn’t bring myself to walk all the way back to Gerard’s bedroom, I can’t speak to him it’s like my tongue gets tied every time I try to say something, Mikey hasn’t left yet he phoned Pete and told him he was running a bit late cause he couldn’t find the stuff he came for, he made sure Gerard wouldn’t repeat the scenario again although Gerard told him over and over he won’t do it again, neither me and Mikey seem to believe him.

Me on the other hand, I’m still shaken from it, the heart ache, the trust that was broken in just mere seconds, as Gerard tended to my wounds he tried desperately to make a conversation with me, you can hear his own heart breaking in his voice as he kept apologizing every time the alcohol made me flinch. But hearing his voice, is causing much more pain I may be sounding like a drama queen right now, but being betrayed that way by the person you truly loved leaves nothing but a hole inside of you.

“Gerard I need to talk to you” Mikey’s voice came from behind the door while he slowly opened it and poked his head in, Gerard looked back at him and then me, his eyes were red as he fought to fight the tears from breaking out of them. He nodded and slowly stood up leaving the room, leaving me alone to mope like a pathetic child.
As soon as the door closed I found myself hugging my legs tighter to myself as I fought back from breaking down again, everything that has been built in these few months has vanished into thin air.

I don’t know if I should forgive him, Gerard is one to known for a bad temper but I never thought we would end up like that, I wonder what was going through his mind as he punched me, did he actually mean it this morning when he said that he loved me? It’s so ironic. I was stupid to believe him someone like me cannot be loved, if I didn’t open up to him like I did maybe I won’t be feeling like this now and maybe none of this would have happened.

I hear the door click open and Gerard walked in, his cheeks wet from tears as he walked towards me sitting himself down on the bed, he took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes a bit
“Frankie I have hurt you, I know I crossed a line earlier but try and believe me when I say I’m deeply sorry for it, I don’t know what came over me please try and find it in yourself to forgive me” he said his eyes never leaving his lap, “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me and that you want to be alone right now but do I know that I love you Frank, you’re everything to me ever since I laid my eyes on you, if you don’t forgive me I won’t be able to forgive myself for what I did, fuck I don’t even want to forgive myself about it-“

“Why did you do it if you truly love me?” I cut him off, looking at him, I’m a bit angry at him but mostly just hurt. He looked at him his lips slightly parted his eyes filled with tears as his features where flushed with emotions.

“I-I wanted to toughen you up a bit Frankie, I know it’s sound fucking stupid, I’m a stupid fuck but after the meeting I was already pissed off at the fact I cannot train you and when you punched me I took the opportunity to toughen you up, but it back fired so badly, I only had in mind to train you when you come face to face…with someone else’’ he said, I can’t believe a word he’s saying it’s all screaming BULLSHIT and without thinking my lips were already shouting “BULLSHIT” to him while I looked away from him, I can’t look at him anymore his lies are causing me to hurt much more;

“Frankie- baby Please don’t-“

“Get out Gerard, Leave me alone” I said my voice stern

“Baby don’t do this I’m sor-“ his voice was on the verge of breaking down into a mess of sobs.

“No Gerard, I need to be alone okay, just leave me alone” I said looking at him, that’s it, that hit him deep down, his eyes were leaking tears down his already tear stained cheeks, his lips were trembling, his body was shaking as he looked at me in shock, he sighed and nodded getting up and making his way towards the door, he opened the door and looked one last time at me;

“I love you, I really do” he says while he walked out the door, slowly closing the door behind him. I rested my head on my knees and sighed “I love you too” I said to myself as the words stung while they came out, but I do truly love him, I can’t imagine myself without him it’s not that we’re going through this Tony bullshit, it’s cause that I truly love him with all my heart, and even though the wound is still fresh, I need time to tend for it myself.

Notes