Vision

I awoke almost completely upside down on the couch. My legs under Patrick’s back, one arm on the floor, the other caught in between two pillows.
My first conscious thought of the day was not a pleasant one. Today I tell them. Today I could lose both of them.
I prayed they would understand and accept me but I knew it had to be done; I had tried to leave my last life because I was living a lie, and I couldn’t start a new one the same way.
I slowly got up from the couch, trying not to wake up Patrick in the process, and crept back to Gerard’s room. When I opened the door I saw him already awake, sitting at the desk I had looked at last night, drawing away. I tried to walk up behind him quietly so I could see what he was drawing without disturbing him.
“Morning Chris.” Gerard greeted me.
“Good morning Gerard.” I sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder, “What are you working on?”
“Just some designs.”
“Anything special?”
“Nah, just some old ideas I can’t seem to put to bed.” He spun around in his chair and looked up at me, “Is Pat up yet?”
“No, he’s still passed out on the couch, the rather uncomfortable couch if I do say so myself.” I laughed awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood before I smashed it.
“Are you alright?” Gerard squinted his eyes and tilted his head slightly, “Something on your mind?”
“No, I just-,” I took a deep breath, I couldn’t hold it off any longer, “yeah, there’s something on my mind, Gerard.”
“You can tell me Chris.” He lightly held my hands up to his face and kissed both of them, “I want to be there for you.”
“That’s just it Gerard.” I pulled my hands away from his, leaving his face looking broken, “You wouldn’t if you knew.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t tell you right now, I won’t be able to say it twice, just wait until Patrick is awake.”
I hear the door to the bedroom creak behind me.
“Why are we waiting for Patrick?” Patrick’s voice floats into the room.
“Goddamnit.” I curse under my breath, “Guys, can we go out to the other room to do this? Please?”
Patrick and Gerard exchanged glances with each other before following me to the kitchen bar area. The air in the whole apartment was tense, like everything had stopped except for us three, sitting in uncomfortable silence, waiting for the world to end.
“I just want you both to know that all of this,” I gestured to the apartment around me, “everything you’ve done for me, it means the world and so much more, I can’t ever repay you. That’s why I also need you to know that I’m so sorry.”

Notes

Oh my! What's Chris' big secret?
Glad all of you lovely Killjoys are still reading!

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