“Hey, Gerard, have you seen Frank?” Gerard smiles bitterly, shaking his head.
“Not for hours,” He sits up, looking at Maude. “Why?” She keeps quiet, her eyes boring into his.
“No reason,” She comes and sits on the bed, still staring. “Where is he, Gerard?” She asks, quietly.
Sighing, Gerard's shoulders slump and he lies back down, running a hand over his face.
“How am I supposed to know?” He sighs again, closing his eyes. His face soften, his worry showing through. “Hopefully at home, safe. But, knowing Frank, he's probably sat in a forest or something,”
“Why didn't he stay? Is he okay?”
“He couldn't stay. It was tearing him apart. And, no, I don't think he is,” And neither am I.
“Why did you let him go, Gerard? If he wasn't okay...” Gerard loses his patience, sitting up straight and glaring slightly at Maude.
“I had to. It isn't my job to tell my ex-boyfriend where he can and can't go. If you're that concerned, then why didn't you even come to check if we were okay when we came back?” Maude recoils, guilt written all over her face.
“I was going to, Gerard.” Gerard smiles at her, the smile empty.
“Wow, what a great friend you are. You were going to. Thank you so much, Maude.” Maude glares at Gerard, pursing her lips.
“I understand that you're sad and angry, Gerard, but you don't have to take it out on other people.”
“You don't understand anything. Do you know how hard I fought for us? Do you know what bullshit I've put up with for Frank, because I fucking love him so much it actually hurts? No, you don't. You weren't there. Half of the time, Frank wasn't even there,”
“Gerard. Don't shout at me.” Gerard shakes his head, groaning.
“That isn't shouting, Maude.”
“Yes, it is. I came in here because I was worried about you and Frank, and now you've thrown it back in my face.”
“Yeah, you sounded so worried about me. You asked me where Frank was, and your voice was light. Really worried. Have you asked how I am? Because I'm not okay either, you know. I just had to watch Frank brutally stab Miles to death in front of me. I had to drag him away from fire because he was about to step inside it. I just had the one person that I have left that I truly adore walk away from me because they don't think we work any more. I have nothing, nothing apart from you guys.”
He lies back down, pulling the bed sheets up. “So could you please excuse me while I'm being 'sad and angry'? Or do you want to know what color Frank's eyes were exactly when he turned his back on me and walked away and broke my heart again just so you can analyse if he's fucking devastated or just a bit upset?”
“Gerard... I... I'm your friend. I want to help you, not upset you. I care about you just as much as I care for Frank-” Gerard cuts her off by laughing.
“You know, I asked Frank how he made friends so quickly the other day. His response was that he didn't. But you've known me for over a year? And Frank for a fifth of that? Less than that even. I just... I don't get what's so special about him,”
“You obviously know somewhere inside you. You wouldn't be this cut up over him if you didn't.” Maude can see his hair move from side to side as he shakes his head.
“Perhaps I'm more upset over how much time he's stolen from me. Perhaps I hate the fact that he's managed to break my heart more times than I would like to say. Perhaps... perhaps I'm just upset over the house and the loss of a great sexual partner.”
“You keep telling yourself that, Gerard, and maybe one day you'll be able to lie to yourself and say that you don't even love him,” Maude stands up, and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Gerard flips her off from under the sheets, not be able to muster up the energy to do more than that.
He turns over, sighing. He lies for hours, the smells of self-hate and the wishes of a broken-hearted person surrounding him.

Frank takes out his keys, unlocking the door. Dry and stagnant air wafts out of the door, confronting him. Kicking the door shut, he takes off his shoes and drops his bag down.
His head hurts and he feels full of tears that he's unable to cry.
Heading straight to the refrigerator, he pulls out all of the blood bags and drinks them. The kitchen soon smells like an abattoir. Lighting a cigarette from the packet on the side, he sets the trash can alight, destroying all of the empty blood bags.
He sits down on the floor and leans against the wall and watches the fire burn out. There's so much fire around him. He hates it, but he thinks he's slowly getting used to it. He can still hear his mother's scream for a long time after the fire turns to just shrivelled up plastic, but that's just a... minor inconvenience.
He stubs out the cigarette on the floor, tossing the remains in the still-smoking trash can. He lights another and then stands up. He kicks the trash can back to where it usually goes, spilling out ashes. Shrugging at them, he walks into the lounge.
His mind travels back to Gerard, wondering everything that is possible to wonder about someone all at once. Shaking the thoughts away, he glances around the room. He can't see himself living here any more.
Granted, he and Gerard didn't have the absolute best of times in the house, but it was their home. They shared this space, together, and it feels wrong to change that. Like whatever is left of their relationship will be ripped apart and thrown away if he stays there and tries to continue as normal.
Pacing up and down the lounge, he mutters to himself, trying to decide what to do.
He walked out without any money, just whatever was in his bag. He could probably try and make money, but he's never tried it. Does he even have a bill he could duplicate?
Searching in his pockets, he finds a crumpled up ten dollar bill.
Frank starts to concentrate, trying to do exactly as Gerard explained. He wasn't sure how it worked, so he placed the bill on the floor and knelt down beside it. He does his thing for five minutes, thinking that the longer he tries it, the more of a chance he will have that it will work.
Opening his eyes, he sees multiple twenties in a neat pile. Grinning, he picks them up. He checks them out, then puts them in his pocket.
Still marvelling over how easy it was to recreate the notes, Frank stands up and looks around one last time.
“I'm sorry, Gerard...” He sighs, rubbing his face. Shaking his head, he walks to the stairs.
Leaning down, he checks through his bag, logging everything he needed from up the stairs.
Frank walks up the stairs, dragging his feet, and enters the bathroom. He checks for anything he might need, but the shelves are bare.
Gerard has everything they used.
Frank wanders into the bedroom and pulls out all of his drawers. He grabs a bunch of clothes, and rolls them up so they fit in his bag easier. Carrying the clothes in his arms, he walks down the stairs to his bag.
Placing them all inside, he pushes everything down while he tries to zip up the bag. Frank then tosses the bag over his shoulder and stands up. Breathing in, he takes a minute to just stand at look at the house for probably the last time.
Frank goes to open the door, but stops. He drops his bag on the floor and starts looking in the kitchen drawers for some paper and a pen. He finds some, and starts writing a letter.
Dear Gerard,
I'm sorry.
I didn't want this to end like it did. And if you ever come back here, looking for me, or expecting me to be here, I'm not going to be. Again, I'm sorry.
I'm not sure where I'm going to be if you ever read this, but I couldn't stay here. Too many memories, too much empty space.
Don't worry about me. I doubt you will, but anyway...
Thank you for everything you've done for me, and thank you for never giving up.
I love you.
Frank.
He leaves the note on the side. Before he leaves, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and deletes Gerard's number and all the call and text logs they have.
Frank sighs, picking up his bag. He opens up the door, steps out and then locks it. He posts the keys through the postbox, and walks down the drive.
Gerard sits up, running his fingers through his hair. The house is silent, just like how he has been for the past two days.
He wonders where Frank is and how he's doing. Hopefully he isn't doing as bad as Gerard is. Getting out of bed, Gerard grabs some clothes out of his bag and his toiletries. He just wants to lie back down and ignore everything, but he can't do that forever.
Gerard walks into the bathroom, locking the door after him. He listen for other people in the house, but doesn't hear anyone. He starts the shower, waiting for it to warm up before taking off his clothes and getting under the spray.
Only taking a quick shower, he washes his hair and himself, then gets out. A knock on the bathroom door makes him almost fall over.
“Gerard? Are you okay?”
“I'm fine? You almost made me fall over, but apart from that, I'm fine,” His voice is rusty from not being used for a while, so he coughs.
“You haven't stood up in over two days, Gerard,” Gerard rolls his eyes at Maude.
“Maude, I'm fine. You weren't worried about me a few days ago.”
“Of course I was. And I'm worried about you now. Come out of the bathroom and talk to me,”
Gerard puts his t-shirt on, the shirt sticking to him in places where he's still damp.
“I can't,”
“Why not?” He hears the impatience in her voice, and rolls his eyes again.
“I'm practically naked.”
“Oh. Why didn't you just say so?” Gerard sighs, the action reminding him of Frank. He tells himself to remember to not do it any more.
“You didn't really give me a chance, did you? Can you just leave me alone, please?” Maude is silent for a minute and Gerard gets dressed.
“Fine, but don't think you're going to be left alone for another two days. As soon as you come down the stairs, we're talking,”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,”
He hears Maude walk away, muttering things under her breath.
Leaning against the wall, Gerard bangs his head against it once, groaning. He just wishes that Frank would get out his head. For one second, that's all. Frank has just about all that's been on his mind for the past few days.
Waiting there for a few minutes, he tidies the bathroom a little. Realizing that he can't really wait it out any longer in here, Gerard unlocks the door and steps out, looking down the hallway.
“Gerard!” Maude shouts up. “You coming down here or what?”
“Yeah, yeah, I'm coming,” Gerard starts walking down the steps, sighing. “Chill out,”
“Finally!” Maude smiles, hugging Gerard.
“Yeah, whatever,” He hugs her back despite the eye-rolling and coldness.
She pulls away, leaving her hands on his shoulders. Maude looks deep into Gerard's eyes, searching them.
“Are you okay?” Her voice is low and quiet, filling with concern. Gerard nods, not trusting his voice to be steady. Shaking her head, Maude hugs him again. “No, you're not. You can talk to me, you know?” Gerard shakes his head, pulling away.
“I don't want to talk about it. I just... I just want to get over it. I don't want to talk, remember or think about Frank or anything that's happened recently.”
“That's not good for you, you do know that, right?” Gerard shrugs, looking away.
“I don't care.”
“Okay. Whatever you say. But if you bottle it up too much, you'll get swamped with everything,”
“I said that I don't care. Okay? Are we done? Can we please stop talking about this?”
Maude nods her head, biting her lip.
“Okay,” She nods her head again, her lips curving into a smile. “Of course. Well... what do you want to talk about?”
Gerard thinks for a minute, a small smile creeping up on his face.
“Uh... I don't know, actually. Uh...”
“How about... we go hunting? Take your mind off things?”
Gerard nods, smiling at her. “Yeah, that would be pretty nice, actually.”

Frank knocks on the door, fidgeting. He hears footsteps from up the stairs, walking towards him.
The door opens, revealing the person he'd hoped to see.
“Mikey,” He offers a little wave at the dumbstruck man in front of him.
“Frank? What... what the fuck?” Mikey stands open-mouthed, staring at Frank.
“I know...”
“What the fuck are you doing here? I haven't fucking heard from you in... in so fucking long... where the fuck have you been?”
“I've been with Gerard and... and...” Frank's voice falters, making him look to the floor.
Mikey's voice is softer when he speaks next, “With... who, Frank?”
“With him... with... with Miles. With... Miles,”
“With... Miles? Miles? The... the man... that... Why?” Frank shrugs.
“I was desperate and he used that to his advantage and he... he tricked me.”
“Um... I... Come in?” Mikey steps from the doorway, allowing Frank in. “And... where's Gerard? Why haven't you come with him?”
Frank steps into the house, biting his lip.
“I'm not sure where Gerard is, to be honest. I've tried not to think about him,”
They walk up the stairs, Mikey staying silent, his face pensive. On the way up, they bump into someone.
“Hey, Mikey... Who's this?” They gesture to Frank.
“This is Frank, and Frank, this is Mike,”
“Mike? Don't your names get confusing? I mean, they're very similar.” Mike smiles, nodding.
“Yeah, they do sometimes. Anyway, nice to meet you, Frank. I was just heading out to the store, do you want anything?” He addresses Mikey, who shakes his head.
“Actually... I think we need some more coffee, but you should probably check.” Mike nods.
“Okay, cool. I'll be back soon, just text me if you think of anything else while I'm out,”
“Sure,” The pair continue to walk up the stairs after Frank says a goodbye to Mike, and then they go into Mikey's room.
“Who was that?” Mikey gestures for Frank to sit down.
“He shares the house with me and a few other friends.”
“How big is this place?”
“Not too big, two people share a room. There are only four bedrooms in here,” Mikey shrugs, sitting next to Frank.
“Oh. Okay. How didn't I know this before?” Frank shakes his head, looking guiltily at Mikey.
“If you hadn't noticed, you were in hospital. We didn't get many visiting hours, and this wasn't that important to talk about,” Mikey smiles at Frank, shrugging. “So... where is Gerard?” Frank closes his eyes, sighing.
“It's a long story, Mikey,”
“I have the time,”
“Mikey...” Frank sighs again, shifting so he faces Mikey more. “Uh... well, while I was in... hospital... Miles somehow got in. He visited me, and coerced me into going home with him. He used his... his eyes to do it. Anyway... everything happened there, and shit... went down. Gerard rescued me, and things were okay... for like, a week? But we argued so, so much. And we broke up, I guess.”
“You guess? That was a long story? And why did you break up?”
“Yes, I guess. I shortened the story down because no-one wants to hear it in all of its gory details. And we broke up because... we just can't get along any more.”
“But... you love each other? How could it just... end? Like that?” Frank shrugs, kicking his feet slightly.
“Sometimes... love isn't enough, Mikey. Look, it's no big deal. I'm fine, I'm... over it.”
“Yeah... sure you are. So over it.” Frank rolls his eyes, pushing Mikey with his shoulder.
“Okay, so I'm not. But I will get over it. Sure, I love him, but surely that will fade. Won't it?” Frank stares at Mikey, almost challenging him to answer.
“I'm sure it will... love surely doesn't last forever...”
They're silent for a minute, thinking about it.
“I think some love does. But love fades. Of course it does. If you stayed in love with the first person they ever fell in love with, everyone would still be with the same person they met at sixteen or something,”
“Kind of like you, really,” Mikey says, making Frank shrug.
“Yeah, I guess.”
They fall silent again, and then they hear the door open.
“Mike? Is that you?” Mikey shouts.
“Yeah, it is. And I found Lucy!”
“Oh, okay. We'll... be down in a minute.”
“Okay, cool,”
“Mikey...” Mikey turns to Frank, his eyes slightly downcast.
“Frank... why hasn't Gerard called me, or...” He stops, his voice faltering slightly. “Has he even asked about me at all? Has he even though about me once?” Frank looks guilty at Mikey, shaking his head.
“Not that I can recall, Mikey. I'm... I'm sorry. He's had a lot going on, and... and-”
“Stop, Frank. Stop... defending him. I'm his brother, you know? I'd have though he'd at least thought about me or worried about how I was doing once... but...” Frank nods, smiling sympathetically.
“I know, Mikey. I'm sure he is worried about you, he just... didn't show it.”
Mikey stares at Frank for a minute, studying Frank's face.
“You look... different, Frank,” Frank's head tilts to the side, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Different?” Mikey nods, his eyes narrowing.
“Yeah... I mean, not completely... but there's definitely something that's changed.”
“Changed? Changed... Change- Oh. Gerard had to turn me,” Mikey's eyes widen, his mouth dropping open.
“You... you're a fucking vampire?”
“Yes, now shut the fuck up! Do you want Mike and... and... the other person to hear you?”
“Lucy? And... I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. But... how the fucking fuck did that happen? Why did it have to happen?” Mikey talks quickly, his eyes excited but confused.
“I'm not entirely sure, but it wasn't too long after Gerard rescued me, and we were at home, and he had to go out, and when he came back I was in the shower and he scared me and I fell over. I was going to die, but Gerard turned me... and, yeah. I'm,” He lowers his voice, leaning closer. “A vampire, sure,” He smiles, flashing his teeth.
“Holy shit, Frank! And you aren't dying to drink my blood or anything?”
“No. I mean, it might be a different story if you just started spontaneously bleeding in front of me, I might want to drink some then, but not right now.”
“Oh, my God. Wow. I'm freaking out, Frank, sorry,” Frank shrugs, smiling a little at Mikey.
“Don't be, Mikey.”
They sit in silence for a minute while Mikey gets his head around the fact that he knows two vampires, then he speaks.
“I don't mean to sound rude, but... why are you here?” Frank sighs, his face growing morose.
“I... uh. I came to say goodbye,” Mikey's face becomes confused, his eyebrows coming together.
“Goodbye? What do you mean?”
“I mean that... I'm saying goodbye because I'm leaving and I doubt I'll be coming back.”
Mikey's mouth drops open, his eyes widen.
“Luh-leaving?” Frank nods, but his eyes are suddenly undecided. “You can't leave, Frank. You... you could stay here. If this is because of Gerard... just... no... that shouldn't make you leave,” Mikey shakes his head. “No, it shouldn't. You should leave because you want to. And... you don't want to? Do you?”
Frank can't look at Mikey in the eyes. He wanted to lie, but he couldn't, not any more.
“Mikey... I'm sorry. Yes, I'm leaving partially because of Gerard... but, I just want a normal life. I want to start afresh, somewhere new, where nobody knows me.”
“But... I...” Mikey looks down, silently thinking. “I can't stop you. I don't want to stop you if this is what's going to make you happy. Just... can't you visit? I know we haven't seen in each in ages, and I may look like I'm okay with not seeing you or Gerard... but I'm really not. Having people living in the house with me is cool and everything, but it's not the same of having my best friends around me.”
“Wait- what happened to Ray and Bob?” Mikey shrugs, biting his lip.
“Ray moved, and Bob... I don't know what happened. He just turned into a dick and kept making digs at me.” Frank nods once, rolling his eyes at Bob.
“I'd love to visit you, Mikey... but, I don't know where I'm going. I could go anywhere, and I probably won't stay there for too long. I just want to make memories that aren't bad and then settle somewhere. I want to seem normal and happy and... everything I'm not.”
“Fine,”
“Mikey... don't be mad. I'll visit once things have settled? And I'm a permanent spot? Let me take your phone number, and then at least we can keep in contact... I have missed you, you know,” Frank
bumps into Mikey with his shoulder, hoping to elicit a smile or something. It partially works, and Mikey bumps him back.
“Fine, Frank. If it makes you happy, I'm fine with it,” Frank grins at him.
“Okay, here,” Frank reads out his number, then his phone rings.
It's an unknown number, so Frank answers it cautiously.
“Hello?”
“You've deleted my number already, then?”
“Oh, shit,” Looking at Mikey, Frank starts to panic. “Why are you calling me? We're over, Gerard,”
“Oh, shit,” Mikey mutters. Frank nods to him, gesturing for help. Mikey shrugs.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Frank. I don't know why I even called. I must've forgotten how much of a dick you are,” Narrowing his eyes, Frank sets his mouth in a thin line.
“Have you been drinking or something?”
“Yeah, why?” Frank sighs, his shoulders slumping.
“Gerard just delete my fucking number and try to get over it.”
“Why should I?” Frank mouths an, 'Oh, my God,' at Mikey.
“Because I've asked you to? I know this isn't easy; for both of us... but doing this isn't helping. It's just hurting us both.” Gerard laughs.
“Yeah, you sound really cut up, Frank,”
“Oh, my gosh. Why am I still talking to you? I'm going to hang up, right now.”
Frank does as he says, sighing after he does.
“Uh, Frank? Can I have Gerard's number?” Frank nods, listing the numbers from the recent call.
“Thank you,” Mikey adds, standing up.
“Where are you going?” Mikey rolls his eyes.
“Down the stairs? We've been up here for a while, and I'd like you to meet whoever is down there before you leave.” Nodding, Frank stands up.
“Okay, let's go meet some new people. My favorite activity,” Pushing Frank slightly, Mikey laughs.
“Shut up, Frank,”

“You need to apologize, Gerard.” Gerard rolls his eyes, rolling over.
“No, I don't. He needs to apologize.”
“Now you're just being ridiculous. He chose to be happy, Gerard, and you can't punish him for it. You were really rude on the phone, and I bet you've upset him. When you've sobered up, which should be soon, I want you to try and apologize. Don't call him, that will just make things worse. Text him with a sincere apology and then leave it at that,” Maude walks to where Gerard's facing, and she crouches down. “Don't be a dick, Gerard. And don't start fucking drinking.” Gerard rolls his eyes, pulling the sheets over his face.
“Just leave me alone, Maude.”
He hears Maude tut, then walk away and down the stairs. Pulling the sheets back down, he sighs and rolls onto his back. He feels angry, but it's mainly anger at himself. So he took that out on Frank, even though he didn't get to say everything he wanted.
His phone buzzes, making him groan. He answers the call, waiting for the person to talk.
“This is Gerard, isn't it?” The phone almost falls out of his hands, he's that surprised.
“Holy shit, Mikey?”
“Oh, so you remember my name, then?” Guilt immediately floods Gerard's senses.
“Of course, I do, Mikes. You're my brother,”
“It doesn't seem like it, Gerard.”
“Please, please, don't start, Mikey. I know I'm a shit brother, boyfriend, person, I know. I don't deserve anyone, and I'm surprised I still have at least one friend. Just please, don't start. I'm really not in the mood.”
“Because of Frank?” Gerard's eyebrows furrow, and he's silent for a minute.
“How did you know?”
“Because Frank has just left. And he's heading to an airport. He's told me a lot of things, Gerard.”
“Wait... an airport? What happened to him staying in the house? He's leaving the country? Why?”
“I don't know the answers to everything, Gerard. And I'm guessing that he couldn't stay in the house because it's a shared space between the both of you and that it doesn't feel right to stay in there any more. And he doesn't want to live here any more because he wants to live somewhere where nobody knows him. A clean slate, if you will.”
“He... he can't leave...” Gerard's voice gets very quiet and sad, catching Mikey by surprise.
“He can, Gerard,” Keeping his voice soft, Mikey tries to make Gerard realize that Frank can do what he wants. “Frank isn't your problem any more. You can't look after him, and you can't say that he can't leave the country just because you were in a relationship. Do you get me? I know it hurts, Gerard,”
“But I love him, Mikey.”
“And he loves you. But, as he said earlier, sometimes love isn't enough.”
“It's not fair,” Gerard's voice is so quiet that Mikey can barely hear him through the phone. “Did he say what airport? Maybe I can stop him?” Even as Gerard says it, he knows that it isn't going to work.
“Gerard... that's not a good idea. He doesn't want you to. You'd just push Frank farther away, if anything.”
“I know, Mikey. I just...” Gerard sighs, shaking his head. “I can't stop thinking about him, and I've only just realized how much I love him, but...”
“But... it's too late, right?” Gerard smiles bitterly, nodding his head even though Mikey can't see him.
“It's way too late,” Gerard mutters.
“Why don't you come and visit? I haven't seen you in so long,”
“I'd like to, Mikey... but I can't.”
“Why not?” The line is silent for a minute while Gerard tries to make up a lie. “You don't have a reason, do you?”
“I... I will visit you, but not yet. I need to get myself together and be okay again before I can focus on anything else, okay? I don't want to visit you and just be snappy and horrible all the time,” He closes his eyes and imagines Mikey nodding his head, unhappily.
“That makes sense. Yeah, okay. Come visit me once you've sorted yourself out. But, if you ever need me, I'm here.” Guiltily, Gerard bites his lip.
“Mikey, tell me the truth. How are you? How have you been?”
Mikey is silent for a long time as he tries to be able to lie.
“It's been hard,” Mikey nods to himself, gulping. “It's been really fucking hard. First it was you, and then Frank, and then... and then the fire, and... mom, and I haven't seen anyone I know properly in so long. Frank wasn't Frank in the hospital, and then mom fell sick... the funeral was awful. I was granted leave from the hospital for it, but I could hardly stand up, and barely anyone was there... and Frank. Jesus. He was barely there. His hands were shaking so badly, and his eyes were so faraway and haunted...” A shaky sighs comes from Mikey.
“What's this? Make Gerard Feel Really Fucking Guilty Day or something? God, Mikey... I...” He stops talking, his words faltering. “I'm really sorry, you know that, right? I'm so fucking sorry, all of that was my fault, and I don't think I could feel worse, I'm so fucking sorry,” His voice speeds up as he talks, and by the end it has a slight shake to it.
“You can't change the past, Gerard. I can't, you can't, Frank can't. It is what it is, and even though I feel so fucking... shit, about all of it... you can't change it.”
“I know you can't... but I really fucking wish you could. I would never let myself become involved with Frank, and nothing would have happened. Frank wouldn't be a wreck, and neither would I. Mom probably wouldn't have died, and the house wouldn't have been set on fire... Everything would be okay, wouldn't it? If I hadn't... started talking to Frank?” Mikey doesn't answer, but they both know the answer.
Of course everything would be okay if none of that would have happened. But... no-one can change the past.
“Gerard... I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'll call you later or something, okay?” Gerard starts to sigh, but stops himself.
“Sure, whatever. Love you,”

“Love you, too, Gerard,” The call is cut off, but Gerard has a small, tiny smile on his face.

Notes

I really didn't mean for it to take this long for me to update, but I was kind of putting off writing this chapter, and I've had loads of coursework and stuff to do recently, and school has literally been killing me slowly, day by day