Before The Sun Goes Down

Weeks pass. Frank and Gerard fight more than ever, over stupid things. Frank's training goes even better than Gerard's did, with his bloodlust dissipating within a just a few weeks of training; although the training happened everyday, for almost half the day. His mind continued to get stronger every session.
They'd spent more nights apart in their house than nights together, because of how angry one of them got during an argument, so they walked out. It was normally Gerard doing the walking, though.
Both of them were terrified that once they didn't have a goal to do together, like murder Miles, they wouldn't have anything to keep them together. They loved each other, sure, but that wasn't nearly enough. They tried to work it out, to talk about it, but the discussion just ended in arguments, so they eventually stopped trying.
When things were good, they were really good. The whole house was positively glowing with the love, but when things got bad...
Things were really, really bad.
Now was one of those times. Frank was the one that walked out, after almost hitting Gerard and breaking most of their stuff.
He walked to the suburbs, all the while muttering and cursing Gerard under his breath. He could feel his cell phone vibrate in his pocket- Gerard calling him- so he just turned it off.
“Fuck you, Gerard.” He couldn't even remember what the argument was over now.
He continued walking until he saw kids walking the streets, tough-looking, covered in tattoos. He became slightly wary after that, keeping his head down.
No-one approached him, and he approached no-one. He didn't even look at anyone.
Off-licenses started appearing, almost one on every street. He went in and bought some alcohol, a few bags of it. He knew vampires didn't get drunk very easily. He kept on walking until he reached a park, deserted and sad-looking with graffiti sprayed everywhere.
He didn't want anyone to be around because he might be tempted into doing something stupid with someone to spite Gerard.
He loved Gerard, and didn't want to hurt him in that way again. He sits on a swing, setting down the bags. He opens a bottle, swigging it back. The flavor assaults his tongue, making him cringe and almost spit it out.
He continued drinking until he couldn't really taste any more, then stopped. See, I can be responsible, Gerard.
Pulling out his phone, he turns it on. Ten missed calls from Gerard, only stopping from just after he turned it off. Pressing the screen, he calls Gerard, practising speaking.
“Frank?” Gerard sounded frantic. It almost made Frank feel bad for him.
“Yeah, it's me.” Gerard sighs down the phone.
“Come home? Please? Baby, I'm sorry. I was wrong, and I'm really fucking worried right now.” Frank rolls his eyes, drinking some more.
“Worried? About... what? That I'd try to slit my wrists? Oh, wait, I've already tried that,” Silence consumes the line, the silence making Frank regret his slurred words. “I... I take tha-that back. I didn't mean it.”
“Yeah, you did. Of course you meant it.”
“No! No... I didn't,” Frank struggles to talk. “I didn't mean it. I'm... I'm drunk,” Gerard sighs, and Frank can imagine him shaking his head.
“Again?”
“I'm... sorry.” He hiccups.
“That's what you said last time, Frank,” Another sigh, less annoyed and more defeated. “Where are you? I'm coming to get you,” Frank tries to explain where he is- but doesn't do a very good job- so Gerard gets him to send a mental picture instead. “I'll be right there. Don't drink any more, though, for Christ's sake.”
Frank doesn't listen to him and carries on drinking until he spots Gerard walking down the park to him. He grins at Gerard, drunkenly, holding his arms out for a hug.
“Gerard!” Gerard pushes his arms away, instead pulling the bottle out of Frank's hands and tipping it away. He picks up the rest of the bags and grabs Frank's wrists, dragging him along with him to the car.
“Do you know what, Frank? I feel like a fucking mom trying to look after her rebellious teenager, not like we're actually in a fucking relationship! Do you know how embarrassing this is for me?” Frank meekly shakes his head, making Gerard laugh. “Of course you don't! How about I start getting drunk, making you come on midnight trips to find me?” He sighs, looking away. “Frank, I get that you're hurting, but this isn't the way to fucking deal with it!”
“Gerard, stop shouting.”
“No! No, I won't stop fucking shouting! You need someone to fucking shout at you!”
“Gerard, you're not my fucking mom! You don't need to fucking shout at me!” Frank already feels partly sober.
“I feel like I'm your fucking mom, though! You act like a three year old! Pulling little pathetic hissy fits. I'm sick of it, Frank!”
“Fuck off! You're sick of it? I'm sick of you correcting me all the fucking time! Everything I do, you're there, breathing down my neck, watching over me. I can handle myself. Okay?”
“You obviously can't. I hate to pull this one, but where did you end up without me last time? If you can handle yourself, why did you end up in a fucking crazy house?”
“I'm not fucking crazy! I'm not fucking crazy, you cunt!” Frank stops his movements, his eyes widening. Gerard hates that word.
“What the fuck did you just call me?” His voice has dropped to a calm monotone.
“I didn't mean it!” Don't hurt me, he almost adds on. He doesn't have to say it, though, for Gerard to know what he's thinking. “You... you called me crazy!” He flounders. “I'm not fucking crazy, I'm not fucking crazy, okay?” Gerard nods his head, his eyes wary.
Frank closes his eyes, looking at himself from above. A new skill.
He looks almost rabid. Even if he doesn't have to breathe, his chest is rising up and down rapidly, his hands are shaking and clenched into a fist, his mouth is set is a scowl.
“Let's... Let's just go home.”
Gerard says nothing, even when Frank tries to talk to him. He just walks straight up the stairs and stays locked in the guest bedroom for a day or two. Frank doesn't really count the days, he just gets wasted.
The house is tidy now, and all their stuff has been replaced or fixed.
When Gerard comes down the stairs, he doesn't even look at Frank. Frank manages to slip out again, unnoticed. He wants to forget everything, and so far alcohol isn't doing that for him.
He brought around a thousand dollars with him, taken from the 'money drawer'.
He might need more, but he doesn't care. He'll pay them in a different way, perhaps. He just needs to forget everything for a few hours or something.
He has one though in mind, drugs.
Not heroin, he thinks, I know you definitely need a bloodstream for that. But... I really don't know much about drugs apart from that...
He begins to think if it was such a good idea, after all, but he's already around the area he was at yesterday. He remembers talking with Gerard about that guy he drained, remembers how Gerard said that the blood of him made Gerard high, because of the high quantity that blood had in it of narcotics.
So, perhaps if Frank drinks some blood, then has the drugs, it'd work. It's worth a shot. He walks around, keeping his hand near his pocket. He looks into the alleyways, looking for someone that looks shadier than the rest.
He finds someone.
“You want some drugs? I have nothing on me, but if you'd escort me back to my house, I could get some.” The man's voice is low and shady. Frank nods.
“Fine.”
They go to his house. Inside is a wreck. There are girls all over the place, men and women passed out on the floor, couches. He can smell blood, but it all smells toxic. A woman approaches him, her face pinched and needle marks all up her arms. All she's wearing is a pink, over sized t-shirt.
“Hey, handsome,” She smiles at Frank, looking over him once and then looking at the guy. “Who's he?” The guy shrugs, knocking the woman's hands off his shoulders.
“Get off me, Karen. You probably have enough STDs to kill me straight away.” She backs off, almost hurt by him.
“Oh, fuck off,” She grins, slipping back into the flirtatiousness. “What's your name, pretty boy?” Frank steps back slightly, her perfume making him feel heady.
“Uh... Frank. And you're Karen?” She nods, giggling.
“Ignore her... Frank. She's as high as a fucking kite. She just wants you to fuck her to get money for her next fix, because I'm not giving her any more freebies.” Karen pouts, shaking her head.
“That's not true! You're so mean to me, Bobby.” Bobby rolls his eyes, shaking her off.
“Just get lost and go harass someone else. Frank doesn't want to fuck you, he might get fucking AIDs or some shit.” She huffs, her grin dropping.
“Whatever, Bobby,” She turns to Frank, smiling. “If you ever want anything, you know where I am, Frankie.” Frank stiffens, his teeth clenching at the nickname. He nods stiffly, turning away from her before he does something he'll regret.
He hears her footsteps walk away, her voice purring at someone else, who accepts her offer, because they go upstairs.
“Sorry about that, Frank. She doesn't know when to fucking stop,” He breathes out, calming down. “Anyway, about the drugs. What did you want?” He steps to the side, showing off the table, which is loaded with drugs.
“Is this, like, a crack house or something?” Frank grins, making Bobby grin back.
“Something like that, I guess,” He raises his voice, so everyone can hear. “We have enough fucking crack whores, anyway!” Karen shouts something down, making everyone laugh, including Frank.
“Who's 'we'?”
“Me and my friend, this is our place.” Frank nods, looking back at the table. Bags of various thing litter the table-top. Bags of blue pills, white pills, yellow pills, white powder, pot. Not as much choice as Frank had expected.
“How do you know Karen?” Bobby shrugs, glancing upwards.
“Why? Do you actually want to fuck her? You'll have to have lots of money, even though she looks cheap, she sure isn't.” Frank shakes his head, grimacing.
“No, I'm pretty sure I don't. I'm just a curious person.”
“Yeah, and you seem too smart to be around a place like this. Where's your family? Mom, dad?” Frank shakes his head, looking away.
“No family. Not any more.” Bobby nods, understanding.
“Why are you here, Frank?”
“I just want to forget about shit, and drinking isn't doing it for me any more,” He sighs, almost inaudibly. “What's the strongest you have? I'll take as much as that as I can get for a thousand dollars.”
Bobby gives him a baggy, full of heroin, then another with cocaine.
“This is some of my finest shit right here, Frank. You know how to pin up?” Frank nods, not wanting to seem stupid. “No, you don't,” Bobby laughs. “I'll show you, okay?” Bobby shows Frank, using himself in the demonstration. It seems easy, easy enough to be addictive.
Bobby can barely wave Frank off, the heroin chilling him out so much he can only sit and smile. Frank gets out of the place quickly, not wanting to bump into Karen again.
The drugs in his back pocket seem to be weighing him down. Although it's wrong and Gerard would be so disappointed if he found out, it gives Frank a buzz that even the drugs can't recreate. He feels like a kid again.
He gets home, deciding not to have any today, but wait a while. Perhaps he's just trying to build up the confidence to actually take or snort some.
Gerard is waiting by the door when Frank walks in, his face pinched with worry. He attacks him in an embrace, knocking Frank off guard. Gerard kisses him, making Frank freeze slightly before kissing back.
When they pull away, Gerard searches Frank's face.
“Are you okay?” Frank nods, barely able to reach his eyes. “I was so worried... I thought you'd left me because I'm such a little bitch.” Guilt stabs through Frank's gut.
“You're not a... little bitch. No way. I'd never leave you.” Gerard doesn't look convinced, but he lets it pass.
“Okay. I love you, okay?” Frank nods again, kissing him.
Frank's throat starts to burn a few hours later, much like how the drugs are burning a hole in his back pocket. He drinks some blood, almost drinking all of it. It seems to make him a little high.
Him and Gerard watch some movies, Gerard being clingy. Frank notices that he always seems to be touching Frank, like he can somehow sense that Frank has done something bad or something like that. Gerard seems to kind of fall asleep, and he remembers Gerard telling him that when a vampire is under a lot of stress or something like that, they tend to enter a dream-like, comatose state for a few hours a day or something.
Frank pushes Gerard off him gently, walking upstairs.
He slides the drugs out of his pocket, locking himself in the guest bedroom. He tries to make it seem like there's no-one in the house by making his mind invisible, along with his body, so Gerard doesn't walk in or anything.
Bobby was so kind as to give Frank a fresh needle and something to tie around his arm. Frank gets the bag of heroin, putting the bag of coke back in his pocket. He does as Bobby showed him. The heroin takes almost an immediate effect on Frank, with how sensitive he seems to be to things after he's drank a lot of blood.
He lies down, a faint smile on his face. The effects of the drug slow things down, they make him forget. He forgets about the needle lying next to him, and the fact that Gerard's just down the stairs, barely even asleep.
He couldn't care less about those things. He closes his eyes, riding the sluggish, heady feeling it gives him. It lasts for a while, probably longer that it would a human. When the high wears off, Frank feels helpless.
Everything swamps him, all of his problems crashing down at once. He growls, too overwhelmed by it all to do anything but. He feels low, so incredibly low, and he wants to take another hit. He resists, though. He slips the needle back into the baggy, then slips the heroin back into his pocket.
He feels the baggy of coke.
He pulls it out, looking at it. Coke is supposed to make you happy... isn't it?
He ignores his brain, telling him not to, and walks into the bathroom. The coke is already a powder, so all he needs to do is line it up and snort it. He pulls a piece of paper, also given to him by Bobby, out of his pocket and rolls it up ready.
He tips a little bit of the bag, then uses the paper to line it up, then snorts it. The powder hurts his nose, and there's some left around his nostril. He wipes it away, not feeling any different. He shrugs, naïvely thinking that it didn't work, so he goes down the stairs after packing things up.
The coke reaches his brain faster than it usually would, taking only ten minutes, but by then he's woken Gerard up. Gerard notices there's something wrong with him as soon as he speaks.
Frank is confident, jumpy, loud. Gerard recognizes it, but doesn't say anything.
This drug speeds his brain up, the heroin slowed it down. Frank decides that he likes the coke more, it makes him want to do things, not just lie around and smile at nothing.
“Hey, Frank.” Frank grins at Gerard, but he isn't looking at him. Frank's eyes dart around the room, looking at the colorful walls.
“Have they always been that colorful? They really fucking jump out on you, don't they?” Gerard uneasily nods.
“They aren't that colorful, Frank.” Frank frowns, the frown disappearing almost as quickly as it came. He jumps up, landing at the other side of the room.
“You look great, anyway, baby, have I told you?” He talks quickly.
“No, you haven't...” Frank jumps again, this time landing right in front of Gerard.
Frank pulls him up, grabbing his hand.
“Let's.... dance!” Frank tries to dance, but Gerard stands still.
“Uh, Frank... there isn't any music.” Frank rolls his eyes.
“Of course there is. You just have to listen closely.” There's silence as they both listen, Gerard more to keep Frank happy.
“I don't hear anything.” Frank makes a 'shush' noise.
“Just... listen....” He smiles, closing his eyes. Gerard searches his face, frowning. “Do you hear it?” Frank opens his eyes, smiling wider. He leans closer to Gerard, right by his ear. “Boo!” Gerard jumps backwards, almost falling. Frank does fall, because he's laughing so hard. “Oh, I got you so good!”
Frank ceases his laughter, standing up.
“Frank...” Gerard sighs, not finishing.
“What's up?” He steps closer to Gerard, his eyes flitting from place to place. His hands shake.
“Nothing...”
Frank kisses Gerard, almost aggressively, pushing him against the wall. Gerard kisses back, forgetting about Frank to a certain degree. They kiss, Frank's hands getting lower and lower until they grip Gerard's t-shirt and tug at it.
Gerard pulls it off, hardly breaking the kiss. Frank pulls Gerard's hair, making him moan slightly. Frank takes of his shirt, too, breaking the kiss for long enough that Gerard realizes what he's doing.
“Frank...” He tries to push him away as Frank trails kisses down his neck. “Frank...” His pushes get weaker.
Frank undoes Gerard's jeans, his hands trailing back up to his face.
“Fuck...” Gerard moans. Frank giggles, kissing him again.
“You like that?” Gerard nods, kissing him harder. “I'm sure you do, baby.”
Frank pulls Gerard's hair again, harder than last time, so it jolts him back to reality. He kisses Frank still, but his hands search Frank's pockets. Frank just thinks Gerard's reciprocating his touches, so he lets him.
Gerard reaches Frank's ass, his hand dipping into the pockets. Frank pulls away too slowly, Gerard has already found them. The needle, the paper, the coke, the heroin. All there, in his hands.
“I knew it. I could taste it on you,” Gerard doesn't even seem mad. “I used to act like that when I was on coke, you know. You can't lie to me, try to hide shit from me. Chances are, I've been there, done that.”
For Frank the cocaine had already started wearing off. He tries to grab the drugs, but Gerard teleports out of his way and bitterly smiles at him.
“So... what? You only wanted me because of the drugs? Which one did you have?” Frank's mouth opens and closes. “I'm guessing both. You didn't taste like you'd just had cocaine, and the needle puncture hasn't fully healed up yet. I didn't even know you knew how to do it, Frank.” He sounds almost bemused when he talks, like he's the superior one and he's just talking down at Frank.
“Gerard...” Frank has so many things to say, but instead he says the completely wrong thing. “Give them back.” Gerard snorts, shaking his head.
“Wow.... this is fucking low, even for you. I can handle the drinking, Frank... but not this. Heroin? Coke? This is about ten steps too far, Frank.”
“Oh, come on. You've already done it all, probably. You were a crack whore, weren't you?” Gerard starts like he'd just been slapped.
“I was not a fucking crack whore! I was in a bad place, and I was fucking raped, sexually abused several dozen times! You know, a bit like Miles did to you?”
“That's what you say... but you did it all for the drugs.”
“I didn't want them to do that shit to me! I did it for the drugs... sure, whatever you fucking say! I did most of it because they said they were going to hurt my fucking family! Remember Donna? The woman you killed off? You might as well be a fucking murderer!” Frank flies at Gerard, pushing him against the wall. Gerard drops the drugs on the floor.
“You'd know all about that, wouldn't you? Murder?” Gerard swallows. “At least I turned up at her fucking funeral. She had one person that was actually related to her there, Gerard, and he was supposed to be in the fucking hospital.”
“Only because you put him there, too. He only got the burns because of you, Frank.”
“And whose fault was everything that happened over the last year or whatever? Who made me like that? Who caused everything?” Gerard looks down. Frank laughs, shaking his head. “Yeah, I thought you'd fucking shut up. You think I'm pathetic? You should look in the fucking mirror.” Gerard pushes Frank, making him fall to the floor.
“Alright! I think we're both pretty pathetic! You can't admit that you're wrong, so that's why you're picking fights with me! We carry on like this, Frank, and there won't be an 'Us'. Either I'll leave, or you'll leave.”
Frank stands up. They look at each other, Gerard's eyes pleading with him.
“I know, Gerard! Don't you think I know that if I carry on, there won't be an 'Us'? I'm fucking terrified at that prospect, but I can't seem to help myself. I had the drugs because I just want to forget. I thought I was handling all this shit with Miles and everything good, but... I'm not. I'm really fucking not, and I can't help it! I need help, Gerard, I really need some fucking help here.” Frank chokes up, looking to the floor.
“How did we end up like this? It just seems like a never-ending circle. We're fine for a few hours, days, then we're at each other's throats, picking fights.... I think we both need help.” Frank swallows, trying to swallow down the lump.
“I know.”
“We'll get help, baby. I promise. You'll get better, I'll get better.” Frank lunges forward, burying his face in Gerard's chest, his eyes completely dry but his body still making him cry. Gerard holds him close, trying to help him control the sobs racking his body.
Gerard hums a tune, rocking their bodies back and forth slightly. Frank calms down after a little while, his legs eventually collapsing, making them fall to the floor.
“Gerard?” Frank looks up at Gerard, desperation in his eyes.
“Yeah, baby?” Gerard brushes the hair from Frank's face.
“I... Please... I just... I need you, Gerard,” Gerard's eyebrows furrow.
“Need me? You have me, baby.” Frank shakes his head, getting on his knees. His hands shaking so bad that they make his arms shake, too.
“No, I need you, Gerard. I just... I need to get Miles out and away from me, and it kind of worked with Craig, just, please, please...” He talks rapidly, not looking at Gerard's face.
“But, Frank... I...”
“Please!” Frank grips his face, pushing his lips onto Gerard's.
Gerard kisses him back, slowly and gently.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Frank nods, kissing him desperately.
“Please...” Gerard sighs, nodding.
“Okay. Fine, baby. If you think it'll help... I'll stop as soon as you want me to, or ask me to, or even show any signs of discomfort. You know how this goes, right?” He hates asking the question, but he was obviously out of it when he and Craig slept together, and he doesn't know if he's remembered what happened with Miles, even though that isn't how it would go anyway.
“I.. don't know. I guess being raped isn't exactly how it would happen. I know what happens, obviously... I've just never had it done... properly to me... I can't even remember what happened with Craig.” Gerard nods, biting his lip.
“We'll go slow. I won't do anything you don't want me to. Now, do you want to top?” Frank shakes his head.
“If this is going to work, we need to do it properly.”
“Okay, baby. Just... don't worry. If it hurts I'll stop. Just please talk to me and tell me if there's something wrong or you want to stop.” Frank nods, leaning closer to Gerard and kissing him again.
The next morning, they 'wake up' when sunlight streams through the curtains, warm on their skin. The comatose state can also happen after sex.
Frank opens his eyes first, his body sore. A smile is already on his face. He turns over, seeing that Gerard already has his eyes open.
“Are you okay?” Frank nods. Gerard searches his face, and when finding it truthful, he smiles.
“Good, baby.” Frank smiles back, curling up next to Gerard.
Wrapping his arms around Frank, he sighs. They lie in content silence, Gerard's chin resting on the top of Frank's head.
“You know, that kind of felt better than the drugs... I though I was going to freak out...but...” Frank looks up at Gerard, whose already staring at Frank.
“I know you did. You don't know anything about pleasurable sex, baby. It's only natural that you felt really anxious, okay?” Frank nods, biting his lip.
“Thank you. I think it's helped me, maybe only a little bit, but I don't feel as freaked out about you touching me. I don't know about other people, but you're fine to touch me freely now, I guess.” Gerard smiles, his eyes glowing with happiness.
“That's great, Frank. I won't let anyone else touch you, so don't worry about that, anyway.” Frank rolls his eyes, making Gerard laugh.
“Please don't turn into a possessive freak on me, Gerard.” Gerard carries on laughing, making Frank laugh, too.
“I won't, don't worry.”
Frank closes his eyes, letting his head rest back on Gerard's shoulder. He sighs, content.
“You know, I wish we could just go out for breakfast or something normal. Like a proper date.” Gerard smiles sadly.
“Yeah, I know...” He sighs. “I'm sorry for changing you, baby.” Frank shrugs.
“It was either that or I died in front of you, I would have done the same.” Gerard smiles, kissing his forehead.
“I'm going to take you out on a date tonight, albeit not a proper one, but still a date, okay?” Frank sits up, smiling.
“Really?” Gerard nods, smiling back at him.
“Well, we've been married once, legally divorced, gotten back together, been separated for months on end, and we haven't even been on a proper date yet, have we?” Frank laughs, almost in disbelief.
“I honestly can't remember...” He pauses, thinking. “But where will we go? We can't go and eat out...”
Gerard shrugs, tapping his nose.
“You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?” Frank rolls his eyes, falling backwards.
“That's not fair!”
“And?” Gerard smirks, making Frank groan.
“You're a dick, you know that, right?” Gerard's eyebrow rises.
“Oh, really? Perhaps we shouldn't go out after all... If I'm that much of a dick...”
“I was joking!” Gerard laughs, flicking his ear.
“I know you were, idiot,” Frank smiles, rolling his eyes. He rests his head on Gerard's chest, looking up at him. “You're really going to like tonight, I think...” Frank's face falls as he feigns being annoyed.
“Fuck off!” Gerard laughs, moving hair out of Frank's eyes.
“I just really think you'll enjoy it, you know?”
“Shut up, stop teasing me!” The corners of his mouth tug up, Frank unable to contain the smile.
“Okay, okay I will. Now, let's go and find some breakfast, shall we?” Frank looks up at Gerard, slightly puzzled. “We're going to go hunting, baby. It's about time you learned how to do it.”

Notes

I just fucking missed my therapist appointment. Jesus, I'm so stupid
Anyway...