Part One
Gerards POV

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

I woke up gasping for air in a cold sweat, sitting up suddenly, flinging my phone that previously lay on my chest to the end of the bed, and sliding of Lyn-zs favorite purple silk sheets and onto the floor.

Shit, that felt so fucking real. They had Mikey, Ray, Frank, Lyn-z, even Bandit was there. All of them were tied to chairs with silver tape over their mouths and I could see bruises on their arms and faces. I was prepared to kill when I saw they had hurt my little girl. We were all in a dark warehouse place when five figures came out of the shadows. I couldn't see their faces because they were wearing dark colored hoodies that covered their eyes and scarfs over their mouths and noses. Simultaneously they pulled out hand guns and put them to the back of my friends heads. I was running towards them but I couldn't move forward, like I was on an invisible treadmill. Then they pulled the triggers one by one, starting with Mikey, and ending with Bandit. My pillow was wet with tears. I can't take this much longer.

As I was regaining a sense of reality, my phone started buzzing and vibrating at the end of my bed. For the second time that day, I swung my legs round and forced myself out from under the covers. I slipped on the wooden flooring, keeping myself up by leaning on the bed with my left hand and made a mental note to buy a rug of some kind.

Eventually I reached my phone and picked it up just in time for it to stop fucking ringing. Where it ha fallen off the bed, the screen had cracked. One long thin line from the top left corner all the way to the bottom right. For fucks sake. I ran my thumb along it, tracing it all the way across my nearly new phone. I sighed and threw it back on the bed, making a quite 'thump' as it hit the quilt. As I turned around I managed to catch a quick glimpse of my appearance in the mirror and had to take a second glance. Shit, I looked awful. I realized just how long it had been since I actually looked at myself. Big black circles had developed under my bloodshot eyes through stress and lack of sleep. I the corners of my mouth started to curls at the sight of actual stubble. I had never been able to grow a beard. At all. I have to shave though, Lyn-z has said to me before that 'it's okay you can't grow one sweetie, I like clean shaven faces anyway'.

The broken phone started making noises again, which were muffled by the quilt but I could still hear them. I picked it up and checked the caller ID. Mikey.

"Ugh...hey Mikes. What's up?" I groaned. I hadn't spoken for about 24 hours so my voice was a little croaky.

"Gerard! Thank God you're okay! I've been trying to get a hold of you for fucking hours! Why haven't you been picking up your phone man?!" I winced at the tone and volume of his voice. I hadn't been awake long enough for this kind of shit.

"huh? What? Hours? I- what time is it?"
"Dude! It's like, 5:30pm! You sound like you've been asleep all day!" he said in an uncomfortably motherly tone.

"I have Mikey, I can't sleep at all at night at the moment. Fuck, is it really 5:30?! Anyway, why were you calling? How's Bandit?"
"You need to get your sleep shit sorted out Gee" he sighed. "Bandit's fine, we were just calling to ask if it's okay if she stays another night? She wants to go to the park tomorrow morning. Don't worry, we still have some of her clothes here form the last time she stayed" His voice turned from slightly harsh, to hopeful in a matter of seconds, kind of reminding me of when we were kids and he wanted to wait outside in the summer for the ice-cream truck. But I couldn't help feel like she wanted to spend more time with her Uncle than with her Dad, she had been spending a lot of time there recently. That hurt.

"Yeah okay Mikes, give her a hug from me alright?"
"Sure Gee, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay, bye Mikey,"
I heard him tell Bandit to say goodnight to me a soon I heard her sweet little voice, " bye, bye Daddy!"
I chuckled to myself as a small tear began to form in my eye. "Bye, bye sweetheart." I heard a beeping sound to signal the call had ended. I turned round and sat on the bed. Not even my own daughter wants to spend time with me. God I'm so fucking useless. I seriously don't know why Lyn-z puts up with me! I can't even get a blood test without fainting at the first sight of the tiny needle! She would be so much better off someone else. She's so beautiful and talented I'm sure she'd be able to find someone.

Maybe she already has.

Maybe the van is fine and it's just an excuse to go off with some other guy...

Oh stop it Gerard! Lyn-z isn't unfaithful!

She's probably just gotten sick of you and wants a couple of days before she has to come back to see your fucking face.

I screamed in frustration. I don't know what to think anymore, what to believe. Even if Lyn-z was cheating I wouldn't fucking blame her! I'm so fucking useless! All I fucking do now is just sit around the house all day waiting for someone to call me saying that they don't want the band to end, that they want to get us back together. They all seem perfectly happy now though. Without me. I was holding them back. Eventually, everyone would be better off without me. Frank's got Death Spells, Mikey could look after Bandit while Lyn-z's on tour making them both happy and I'm sure Lyn-z would forget about me soon enough and move on. And Ray, I've barely heard anything from him, not since my birthday, Mikey told me he was writing songs again.

I mean I was the Gerard Way. The lead singer of the band that had changed peoples lives for the better, now it's rumored that people have killed themselves because we split up? I felt a stab of guilt in my stomach. It's all my fucking stupid fault. Now what am I? A stupid comic book writer who, the only reason his books get published is because of who he is. Once people forget me, they'll stop getting published and I will end up in the same place I was 13 years ago.

All of a sudden I screamed again and swept all of the stuff off the table that Lyn-z keeps all her mirrors and jewellery and stuff like that on. It's spread all over the floor.

I couldn't take it anymore. I ran out of the room, slamming the door as I went, down the hall, and into the bathroom. My hands gripped either side of the sink and I looked at my face in the mirror.

No one would miss you, you're pathetic. Fat, and pathetic, and useless. Once people forget you, you'll just be another struggling artist.

Something shiny caught my eye from the sink. I looked down to see the broken razor from the night before.

The silver blade shone again and before I could think the blade was in my hand and being dragged slowly across my left wrist. I winced as it stung at first but the feeling of relief quickly took over. It was strange. Like it helped me forget everything that had happened. I did it again, and again, and again until the blood was trickling down my arm. I had made iver 15 deep cuts on that arm. My vision started to blur and my head felt light as I lent up against the wall and slid down the tiled surface to sit on the floor. The tiles were cold against my bare legs as I had taken my jeans off at some point during the night. I swapped the blade into my left hand which was now shaking and cut along my right wrist as the words 'stupid, fat, pathetic, useless' repeated in my head. The blood was now forming a puddle on the floor, ruining my t-shirt and underwear. Who cares anymore? I now had 15-20 cuts on each arm, I lost count and I was struggling to keep my eyes open, never mind focused.

In the haze of my vision I noticed a small yellow pot lent up against the bottom of the sink. For some reason it caught my eye. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out what it was.

Notes

*Pokes head around a door* err hey :)
I know I said once a week buuuttt I've had shit going on. I'm sure you don't want to hear (or read?) excuses. Anyway, to make up for it, a two part chapter! *trumpets* The next part will be uploaded soon my little muffins!
Any comments, suggestions, insults will be accepted, considered, pouted about. Thanks for reading!