Gerards POV


I tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning. I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, was I?

The digital alarm clock on the mahogany-colored bedside table beamed a bright green light which read 7:18am. It was early spring time so the sun had just stated to show over the horizon and through the window with the birds who were singing happily to alert people that it was time for them to wake up and get ready for work.

For those who had work.

My sleepy mind flickered over to what I had to do today. Bandit wouldn't want picking up from Mikeys until later this evening, she was staying over with him and his girlfriend, fiance, whatever she was, Sarah, for the weekend and Lyn-z should be home soon from her tour.

It looks like I have the house to my self until then.

Only two hours sleep...eugh. I sighed as my legs swung round and hung off the side of the bed. My sock covered feet quickly found the slippery surface of the wooden flooring as I pushed the screwed up blanket off my lap. I rested my elbows on my thighs and my face in my palms, just sitting there for a while, gathering my thoughts.

Thoughts gathered, I forced my body out of bed and into the kitchen. Like always, the first thing I need this morning, is coffee. Milky, sweet liquid filled the mug and I made my way into the lounge.

I sat on the couch without bothering to turn the TV on, there's nothing good on at this time of the morning anyway. While I was taking a long sip of coffee, my phone buzzed signaling a text message from Lyn-z.

'Hi sweetie, something has gone wrong with the van and it looks like I won't be home for a few days, I'll call you later because you're probably asleep, sorry if I woke you. Miss you! Give B a hug and a kiss from me when she gets back from Mikeys. Love you honey xxx
Lyn-z xxx'

Without realizing it, I had sunk down in my seat. I texted her back saying that it was okay and I missed her too but what I didn't say was that I needed her today, that I needed her to hold me, tell me everything was going to be okay. What little sleep I did have was filled with nightmares, the terrors were back. Today was going to be a bad day. A really bad day. I could feel the dark hole opening up inside me again, I haven't felt it for eight or nine years but I knew what it was. I had been feeling like this for a few months now, but I chose to ignore it. Now it had been made worse by the break up and I couldn't just ignore it anymore. It's eating me from the inside-out. I had no energy, no drive to do anything anymore. I just sat there for what felt like hours.

I picked up my phone and clicked on the little bird icon, hoping that Twitter could make me feel at least a little better. My timeline opened and I scrolled up for a while, reading as I went. There were some from fans, asking questions about the band, about Lyn-z and Bandit, and some people just saying hi. What caught my eye was that someone had retweeted an instagram post from Frank. I could feel tears already in the brim of my eyes but I forced them back and clicked on the link. I was confused for a second when a burnt guitar appeared on my screen but it didn't take long for me to realize what it was. It was the guitar. The guitar that we used for the famous last words video.

All of a sudden, the memories came flooding back. I had flash backs of the band, the video and the black parade. Everything. The entire set went up in smoke for that video, including Bob. His leg was so badly burnt, that as soon as we had finished recording, he ran (limped) off set and went to get medical assistance. He had to go to hospital and we all stood by him until we knew he was going to be okay. He was freaking out for hours because he thought that it might have to be amputated. Now we don't even talk. We just had a stupid argument and now the jackass won't even acknowledge my existence.

Oh God.

What if that happens with me, Ray, Mikey, and Frank?! Ray's just fading away, not really wanting to do anything, Mikey will be off with Sarah, and Frank... Frank will be with his new band. No. He can't be in a new band.

But he is.

Deathspells.

I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks as I think about it. Frank in a new band. Singing. Going to interviews, concerts, practices, maybe even award ceremonies, without us. I've dropped my phone on the floor and I'm sobbing now, properly sobbing. My palms are pressed into my eyes as if that would make it all go away. It looked like a tiny fireworks display. Then I realized that I had slid off the couch and onto the floor, with my knees up against my chest and my back resting up against the deep purple leather of the couch. I moved my hands from my face and wrapped my arms around my legs, burying my face in the crack between my knees. I was crying so hard now that I was gasping for air. My own tears were suffocating me.

Maybe it was for the best.

I don't even know why I was crying this much. He was moving on, the band was over, he had a right to have another option. But I still felt something...betrayal? I guess I think he should be sitting on his lounge floor sobbing as well, not touring with someone else, at least not this soon.

I was really struggling to breathe now. My head was getting light and fuzzy. Why did I feel like this? Yes, he was my friend but I shouldn't feel this bad...?

I remember when we met, he was at one of our first shows, there for the band from the very beginning. He came to meet us after the show, his eyes glistening with excitement and something else to this day, I haven't been able to put my finger on. We were all drunk out of our minds and I was a little high from the pills and shit I had been taking but we knew something had happened. We had put together something special. But the band was never truely complete until we had Frank. Over the next few years me and Frank had grow closer and closer. When I had announced that me and Lyn-z were getting married, something was wrong. A little spark in his eye had gone. He congratulated us both and left, barely saying a word. Ray and Mikey had a joke that he went off to cry. But that wasn't true. The last time we played before I was married, there was something...different about him. He was angry. He threw and kicked stuff around the stage, trying to jump on me. Not like his normal 'I'm gonna climb on this drum set and try and kill Bob' kind of Frank. But, angry. Me and Lyn-z had the wedding with Frank as one of my best men, along with Mikey and Ray (I couldn't choose between them could I?) but as soon as it was over he ran off, coming back to the van 6 hours later, drunk.

I couldn't think about that shit anymore though. I needed more sleep. I took some sleeping pills that Lyn-z had in the medicine cabinet and went back to bed. For more terror filled nightmares.

Notes

Sorry it's not great! I will try to make them better in the next few chapters though! You guys know how it is though right? No time for updates, exams, midnight updates ect.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm gonna try and update at least once a week. Probably more than that. I do have plans for the next one though so I'll get on that tomorrow! Thanks for reading!