But After All, Does It Matter?
Chapter 3
...“Thank you,” I reply, glancing down at the floor. It’s really hard keeping eye contact with him, somehow it just feels wrong.
“So… you wanna go?” Gerard asks after a moment of awkward silence.
Frank’s POV
Without replying, I turn my gaze to my phone and press the home button. The screen lights up. It’s exactly 10 PM. I look up at him, swallowing my tongue. I don’t know what is making him so scary right now- he’s just a young man, rather attractive, the type around which you can practically see the sunny aura, but I can’t help but tremble under his gaze. Something is wrong, but I can’t detect what it is.
“Frank? C’mon, I wanna spend more time with you, let’s go” he smiles once again, and the familiar warmness suddenly returns to his hazel-green eyes. His grin is pure, relaxed and happy. Now he’s back to the Gerard I fell in love with- the optimistic, socially awkward and sweet coffee maker of my local Starbucks. His eyes aren’t those of a crazyman anymore, and I’m not really sure what just happened. Maybe I’m hallucinating because of my insomnia.
“Yeah,” I return the smile and stand up, gladly following him to the exit. He leaps ahead and holds the door for me, a strand of black hair over his pale face and I feel my cheeks heat up in a blush. This is going to be great.
He leaves the building after me and catches up with my pace.
“How was your day?” he asks, trying to start a conversation.
“It was good, I was just really excited to see you,” I blurt out and immediately regret it, but Gerard doesn’t pay much attention to it.
“Really? I was looking forward to seeing you, too,” he replies and I feel a weight drop off my heart. This must mean something, right?
We fall into silence, but it feels comfortable and nice- the type you’d share with a person you sympathize.
“You know Frank, I’ve actually been watching you since the first evening you came to Starbucks,” Gerard suddenly declares and I turn my head, looking up at him.
“Really?” I say, feeling somewhat flattered.
“Yeah. You always take americano, and I found it kind of weird, that’s why I paid attention to you. Do you work a night shift somewhere?”
“No, I just like black coffee,”
“I do too, but I tend to not drink it at 10 PM unless I’m planning a crazy night out,” he says, crossing his arms on his chest.
“It’s kind of weird, but coffee actually helps me sleep,” I lie- me drinking coffee every night is the reason I have insomnia. It’s good that it’s dark outside, or Gerard would notice my embarrassed blush. I’m horrible at lying- I turn all red and look like a hedgehog who has just been hit with a truck.
“Oh yeah, a friend of mine has that too. He can drink coffee at like, 2 AM and be fully asleep by 2:05,”
“Cool,” I reply and we continue walking, none of us knowing what to say, and the silence doesn’t seem as relaxing as it was before. Are all first dates like this? Is this even a date? Probably not- he just invited me for a walk, that’s it. It doesn’t mean he’s interested.
“You are very lonely, right?,” Gerard says out of nowhere, looking down at me and my heart explodes.
“What?” I speak.
”You are lonely,” he repeats as I stare up at him in confusion and shock. “You know how I can tell? You walk really fast. Lonely people are like that- you are used to walking quickly, because you don’t have to consider anyone else’s speed, and you don’t have a conversation to take a part in. I can hardly keep up with you, you are going at the speed of a car,” he pauses, looking me up and down.
“You are lonely because you are unique,” he adds after a second. “You should know and remember that. You probably think you’re always alone because you suck, or because you’re not interesting, but let me tell you, you are so wrong,”
“Thank you?”
“I… I can tell what people are like, Frank. Did you have many friends as a kid?”
I shake my head in reply.
“I was right then. You’re an introvert and always have been. You know introverts are usually the best people if you know how to treat them right? They are creative and open-minded, the type of people that should rule the world but don’t. Your problem is that you don’t want to share your great ideas and thoughts with the rest of humanity. You may not think of it that way directly, but you consider everyone around you lower than yourself,”
“No, I actually think…” I try to protest. I feel uncomfortable when he’s basically digging through my soul and my brain, and I feel like all my energy is being sucked away.
“Yes! You see- you think that you’re worse than everyone, but try to give me a reason why you didn’t have many friends in elementary school. Small kids don’t tend to think that they are worse than anyone; in their minds, they are the ones on the top, but somehow, there are still introverts among them. From your very birth, the idea has been set in you- you are higher than everyone else,”
A shiver of unexplainable terror runs down my spine and I clench my teeth. There is a pause, and I have no idea how to respond. Should I just run away and never come back to that Starbucks ever again?
“You know, maybe you are higher than everyone else,” Gerard says quietly and turns away from me, looking straight ahead with thoughtful, but at the same time oddly empty, eyes. “You getting an americano every evening for the past three months isn’t the reason I paid attention to you. I noticed you because you’re always alone. I felt sorry for you, to be honest. You looked like a storm cloud in the middle of a clear blue sky. Something dangerous about you, something that practically screams “Stay away, or I’ll pierce you with a lightning,” but at the same time it looked like you were waiting for someone to approach you, waiting for someone to talk to you and feel sorry for you,”
“You are going to give me a panic attack, you are scaring me,” I breathe out, slightly moving away from him and creating more space between us.
I’d never believe that Gerard is anything like this if someone told me. Behind the counter, he looked like a normal, a bit shy young man, and right now I don’t even know what to compare him with. A mind reader? A soul searcher? I can’t bring myself to interrupt or stop him though- I feel like I just swallowed my tongue or lost my ability to speak. I feel miserable and pathetic.
“I know you have a whole universe inside, and I just need to find the key,”
Wow, that sounds promising, I’m just not sure if I’m interested anymore.
Who the fuck am I kidding. Of course I’m still interested.
“Maybe you will,” I say and force a strangled laugh, darting my eyes to the asphalt beneath us.
“I most definitely will. Frank, where are we going?”
“What do you mean?”
“You are the one leading the way, didn’t you notice? That was a part of my experiment actually.”
“What experiment?” I ask.
“I didn’t actually plan where we’d go; I figured you’d get carried away and lead us to some place that matters to you,”
I look around and suddenly realise where we are. We are standing outside a cemetery near my old house. I used to go here often when I was a kid for no apparent reason, it was really weird. When we just moved into the house, I avoided the cemetery as much as possible. It gave off this dark, almost scary vibe, and it definitely gave me several sleepless nights. Then I got into horror movies and got used to the cemetery, or more like didn’t care about it. I walked past it every day, giving it none of my attention. Then one day I was walking my dog, and noticed that the gates were open. I don’t know why, but suddenly I had this really strong urge to come inside, and I did. It wasn’t really big, just a small, rather private graveyard, and it somehow felt very cozy, like home. I spent about an hour there, and since that day, I visited it at least four times a week.
“I haven’t been here for such a long time,” I say quietly, turning to look up at Gerard. He smiles, and suddenly it seems like he’s back to normal again- his eyes are filled with sympathy, no hint of his strange thoughtfulness he had just a moment ago.
“I’m not a fan of cemeteries, how about we come here in daytime?” he asks, tugging slightly on my sleeve.
“Sure,” I reply and smile at him. We start walking away, and suddenly Gerard’s arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me closer, pressing me into his side.
“Mind if we go to the movies?” he asks and I nod happily.
“So… you wanna go?” Gerard asks after a moment of awkward silence.
Frank’s POV
Without replying, I turn my gaze to my phone and press the home button. The screen lights up. It’s exactly 10 PM. I look up at him, swallowing my tongue. I don’t know what is making him so scary right now- he’s just a young man, rather attractive, the type around which you can practically see the sunny aura, but I can’t help but tremble under his gaze. Something is wrong, but I can’t detect what it is.
“Frank? C’mon, I wanna spend more time with you, let’s go” he smiles once again, and the familiar warmness suddenly returns to his hazel-green eyes. His grin is pure, relaxed and happy. Now he’s back to the Gerard I fell in love with- the optimistic, socially awkward and sweet coffee maker of my local Starbucks. His eyes aren’t those of a crazyman anymore, and I’m not really sure what just happened. Maybe I’m hallucinating because of my insomnia.
“Yeah,” I return the smile and stand up, gladly following him to the exit. He leaps ahead and holds the door for me, a strand of black hair over his pale face and I feel my cheeks heat up in a blush. This is going to be great.
He leaves the building after me and catches up with my pace.
“How was your day?” he asks, trying to start a conversation.
“It was good, I was just really excited to see you,” I blurt out and immediately regret it, but Gerard doesn’t pay much attention to it.
“Really? I was looking forward to seeing you, too,” he replies and I feel a weight drop off my heart. This must mean something, right?
We fall into silence, but it feels comfortable and nice- the type you’d share with a person you sympathize.
“You know Frank, I’ve actually been watching you since the first evening you came to Starbucks,” Gerard suddenly declares and I turn my head, looking up at him.
“Really?” I say, feeling somewhat flattered.
“Yeah. You always take americano, and I found it kind of weird, that’s why I paid attention to you. Do you work a night shift somewhere?”
“No, I just like black coffee,”
“I do too, but I tend to not drink it at 10 PM unless I’m planning a crazy night out,” he says, crossing his arms on his chest.
“It’s kind of weird, but coffee actually helps me sleep,” I lie- me drinking coffee every night is the reason I have insomnia. It’s good that it’s dark outside, or Gerard would notice my embarrassed blush. I’m horrible at lying- I turn all red and look like a hedgehog who has just been hit with a truck.
“Oh yeah, a friend of mine has that too. He can drink coffee at like, 2 AM and be fully asleep by 2:05,”
“Cool,” I reply and we continue walking, none of us knowing what to say, and the silence doesn’t seem as relaxing as it was before. Are all first dates like this? Is this even a date? Probably not- he just invited me for a walk, that’s it. It doesn’t mean he’s interested.
“You are very lonely, right?,” Gerard says out of nowhere, looking down at me and my heart explodes.
“What?” I speak.
”You are lonely,” he repeats as I stare up at him in confusion and shock. “You know how I can tell? You walk really fast. Lonely people are like that- you are used to walking quickly, because you don’t have to consider anyone else’s speed, and you don’t have a conversation to take a part in. I can hardly keep up with you, you are going at the speed of a car,” he pauses, looking me up and down.
“You are lonely because you are unique,” he adds after a second. “You should know and remember that. You probably think you’re always alone because you suck, or because you’re not interesting, but let me tell you, you are so wrong,”
“Thank you?”
“I… I can tell what people are like, Frank. Did you have many friends as a kid?”
I shake my head in reply.
“I was right then. You’re an introvert and always have been. You know introverts are usually the best people if you know how to treat them right? They are creative and open-minded, the type of people that should rule the world but don’t. Your problem is that you don’t want to share your great ideas and thoughts with the rest of humanity. You may not think of it that way directly, but you consider everyone around you lower than yourself,”
“No, I actually think…” I try to protest. I feel uncomfortable when he’s basically digging through my soul and my brain, and I feel like all my energy is being sucked away.
“Yes! You see- you think that you’re worse than everyone, but try to give me a reason why you didn’t have many friends in elementary school. Small kids don’t tend to think that they are worse than anyone; in their minds, they are the ones on the top, but somehow, there are still introverts among them. From your very birth, the idea has been set in you- you are higher than everyone else,”
A shiver of unexplainable terror runs down my spine and I clench my teeth. There is a pause, and I have no idea how to respond. Should I just run away and never come back to that Starbucks ever again?
“You know, maybe you are higher than everyone else,” Gerard says quietly and turns away from me, looking straight ahead with thoughtful, but at the same time oddly empty, eyes. “You getting an americano every evening for the past three months isn’t the reason I paid attention to you. I noticed you because you’re always alone. I felt sorry for you, to be honest. You looked like a storm cloud in the middle of a clear blue sky. Something dangerous about you, something that practically screams “Stay away, or I’ll pierce you with a lightning,” but at the same time it looked like you were waiting for someone to approach you, waiting for someone to talk to you and feel sorry for you,”
“You are going to give me a panic attack, you are scaring me,” I breathe out, slightly moving away from him and creating more space between us.
I’d never believe that Gerard is anything like this if someone told me. Behind the counter, he looked like a normal, a bit shy young man, and right now I don’t even know what to compare him with. A mind reader? A soul searcher? I can’t bring myself to interrupt or stop him though- I feel like I just swallowed my tongue or lost my ability to speak. I feel miserable and pathetic.
“I know you have a whole universe inside, and I just need to find the key,”
Wow, that sounds promising, I’m just not sure if I’m interested anymore.
Who the fuck am I kidding. Of course I’m still interested.
“Maybe you will,” I say and force a strangled laugh, darting my eyes to the asphalt beneath us.
“I most definitely will. Frank, where are we going?”
“What do you mean?”
“You are the one leading the way, didn’t you notice? That was a part of my experiment actually.”
“What experiment?” I ask.
“I didn’t actually plan where we’d go; I figured you’d get carried away and lead us to some place that matters to you,”
I look around and suddenly realise where we are. We are standing outside a cemetery near my old house. I used to go here often when I was a kid for no apparent reason, it was really weird. When we just moved into the house, I avoided the cemetery as much as possible. It gave off this dark, almost scary vibe, and it definitely gave me several sleepless nights. Then I got into horror movies and got used to the cemetery, or more like didn’t care about it. I walked past it every day, giving it none of my attention. Then one day I was walking my dog, and noticed that the gates were open. I don’t know why, but suddenly I had this really strong urge to come inside, and I did. It wasn’t really big, just a small, rather private graveyard, and it somehow felt very cozy, like home. I spent about an hour there, and since that day, I visited it at least four times a week.
“I haven’t been here for such a long time,” I say quietly, turning to look up at Gerard. He smiles, and suddenly it seems like he’s back to normal again- his eyes are filled with sympathy, no hint of his strange thoughtfulness he had just a moment ago.
“I’m not a fan of cemeteries, how about we come here in daytime?” he asks, tugging slightly on my sleeve.
“Sure,” I reply and smile at him. We start walking away, and suddenly Gerard’s arm wraps around my waist and he pulls me closer, pressing me into his side.
“Mind if we go to the movies?” he asks and I nod happily.
Notes
Gerard showing some of his weirdness
Ya'll probably think he's a vampire, but you have nooo ideaaa where this is going
feedback would be nice btw)) luv u all
Pleaaaqqqqssseeeee
*PLLLEEEEAAAASSSSEEE*
UPDATE THIS STORY ITS SO MAGICAL AND WORTHEY OF THE FRERARD LOVE.
PLLEEAAASSEE
1/22/16