Are You Okay?

*Frank's POV*

I got up early in an attempt to make myself look less like shit than usual for Gee. I ended up just wearing more eyeliner than usual and my normal outfit with a smiths tee this time. I suddenly felt a gargantuan wave of stress topple me over as I thought about what had happened the last time I fell in love. Her name was Jamia. We had been dating since a while back I was head over heals for her, but she wasn't in love with me. She eventually broke it off after several weeks of awkwardness and left me in a horrible state of depression.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK TIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was sitting on the couch wondering what she had wanted to talk to me about so badly when I herd a loud thumping on the door. I got up slowly and walked over to answer it, all the while wondering what she would say. I opened the door and there she was looking as beautiful as ever but also really guilty at the same time. I had a feeling I knew exactly where this was going but denied it from the instant the thought even came up. She loves me. Right???? She wouldn't do that to me, right???
Wrong.
She hesitated before quietly telling me that she never loved me and that even though it may have seemed like that, it was just her excuse to get in my pants. She said she was sorry for giving me the wrong impression but I could see the amusement behind her eyes as I choked out a half-hearted goodbye to her.
For several weeks I stayed inside my room, unmoving, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, all I did was think about her last words to me It was just an excuse for me to get in your pants. those words replayed in my head like a broken record for hours, days, weeks, until I had finally had enough. I got up from my position on the bed, facing away from the wall now, and on my shaky legs that hadn't been used in so long, I stumbled into the bathroom. I reached up, my hand having its own mini-seizure, and grabbed the sleeping pills from the top shelf. I had to stand on the tips of my toes to reach them, but I managed to get them. I slowly lined them up on the counter-top. The recommended dose was 2-3 per day but I didn't just want to take a nap. I didn't want to wake up.
Ever....
I started working my way down the line, dry swallowing each one and getting more tired with every single one as well. There were about 30 in the bottle. As I reached the very last pill I was nearly out, but I had to make sure that I would never feel the pain of heartbreak ever again, that I would never wake up. I swallowed the last pill and fell down onto the bathroom floor with a loud thunk. The last things I heard before I faded into my never-ending abyss of sleep were my mother's loud footsteps on the stairs and frantic jiggling of the doorknob to the bathroom, but she wasn't going to get in, I had made sure of that at the very least.
I woke up several days later in a hospital bed to the monotonous sound of the beeping heart-rate monitor. A nurse rushed in to gather up some papers from the chair beside me and then realized that I was alive. She instantly dropped the papers and as they fluttered to the ground I saw ten words sticking out from the rest of the paper: Name: Frank Iero Died: May 27 that was a week ago Cause of Death: Suicide
What had happened came rushing back to me in an instant. The breakup, the days spent doing nothing but staring at the pale white walls of my room, and most of all those monotonous words, never ending, infinite, like the seemingly infinite beeps of the heart-rate monitor, or the infinite amount of times she had lied and told me that she loved me too. And suddenly I wasn't happy to be back alive anymore, I didn't want to wake up, I didn't want to be reminded that I am still nothing to her, nothing compared to the endless amount of boys out there that she would gladly have given her heart to over me. I felt like trash that she had thrown away for the greater good of the world but just kept blowing back out of the trash can in the wind. Just a useless piece of trash getting picked back up and dropped back where it started.
I attempted to kill myself over and over again over those few weeks but every time I thought that I was taking my last breath, I would wake up once again to my mother's muffled sobs and the same nurse that had found me the first time with updated death certificates, all of them ripped up and thrown in the trash can never to be true, never to set me free.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes

Okay so filler/background chapter, I know its sad but bear with me Frank will one day realize he does, in fact, want to wake up again.

I'm sorry the fluff will come soon I promise but I had to add in some background and now was as good a time as any.

For those of you who were not at the poetry slam today, this was filled with references to the two winners' poems.

CONGRATS EKA AND CONNOR!!!

I hope you like it so far.

please comment

-helenakilljoyXOXO byeeee