For my entire life, the one thing I prided myself on was my track record of good decisions. Every action I took was carefully planned out. Every possible situation would be thought through and prepared for. I didn’t like spontaneity, and surprises were my enemy. So when Juno suggested the two of us go out drinking, I was obviously just a bit skeptical.

But, with my dress zipped up, my hair styled, and my makeup applied, there was no way I could back out now. Juno was persistent, and if she wanted me to go out with her and get drunk, there wasn’t a lot I could do to turn her away.

“All ready?” Juno asked me, slipping her shoes on and standing in the doorway of my home. After pulling on my own red pumps on, I allowed myself to be pulled out the door. At Juno's car, I took the time to perfect my makeup in the side mirrors. With my brown hair cut to my chin and naturally curly, there wasn’t a lot I could do with it. My makeup wasn’t smudged, and I wasn’t slipping a nip over the top of my dress, so I chalked tonight up to be an alright one.

The club was smoky, but the people were loud and the music was louder. Juno lead me to the bar and suggested that I wait there while she went to the bathroom to fix the mascara she‘d ruined in the car. I gave her an eye roll as she darted off, and turned to the bartender. Might as well settle myself in with a drink. The drink was a dark brown, and I could smell it before I even took a sip. Perfect.

I wasn’t sure how long Juno had been gone, but I knew it was too long when a man sidled up next to me. I spared him a glance, and almost dropped my drink. Even as I was slightly buzzed and the lights were dimmed, I could tell that this was the most beautiful man I had ever met. A small smile and bright eyes, as well as obnoxiously bright red hair that hung limply around his face - did I mention he was beautiful? I think I did.

“Saw you come in with your friend. She’s a little preoccupied with my friend. I figured I’d come keep you company,” he explained smoothly. His voice was easily audible over the music, it was raspy in my ears and he talked out of the corner of his mouth. I gave him a tight smile at this.

“Thanks, I guess. I knew she’d do this.”

“I’m not all bad, I think. The name’s Gerard.”

“Olivia,” I said shortly, and he gave me a bright smile.

“That’s pretty.”

“You‘re too kind, really,” Gerard let out a small laugh, and gestured for the bartender to bring him a drink as well. Looks like he’d be settling in there for the rest of the night.

---

Men had problems with me. Maybe I had problems with them. When I met one I liked, something about me turned them away. Usually my smoking, or my habit of being a hermit. I didn’t like being around people for too long. After a while, I started to pick out their habits that bothered me, and then I began to hate them. It’s been a problem my whole life, but I take it as a blessing. If they bother me, then I don’t want them around.

Juno bothered the shit out of me, but she was an exception. Her voice was too high pitched, she mumbled a lot, she bit her nails and she was a pig. But she was persistent, and after I got fed up and told her that all of the things she did bothered me, Juno informed me that she didn’t give half a shit, because we were friends. Ever since, she’s stuck around.

Doesn’t make her less annoying, though.

Back to my original topic; Men. I didn’t have much experience with them, considering my inability to want to be around anyone. That’s why I was honestly startled when I woke up naked, next to the beautiful man from the night before. As I clutched the sheets to my chest and leaned over to look at his face, I realized a few things.

One; I didn’t think it possible, but he was even more beautiful now than he was the night before. Didn’t people usually look better when I was drunk? I wasn’t sure, I normally didn’t get inebriated in public places. This was a near first, and it would figure that I would bring fucking Adonis home. I’m not sure if I’m even surprised.

Two; We were stark naked. My thighs were sticky, and that answered my question right away. We’d had sex, and there was no protection in sight. I wasn’t on the pill, either. So, not only did I get drunk in a public place, bring a guy home, and have hot, hot sex with him… we didn’t use protection.

Three; My left hand was heavy. When I looked down, I was shell shocked to see the simple gold band on my finger. Last time I checked, I wasn’t married. Upon closer inspection, it was revealed that Whatshisname - no, Gerard - had a matching band on his own finger. Oh, Jesus Christ.

I said the last part out loud, and that seemed to wake sleeping beauty. He grumbled and cracked his eyes open, and through the haze of sleep his good looks only seemed to increase. This man was so good looking that it physically made me hurt, “What happened last night?”

“Uh… do you remember anything?”

“I remember you… and uh… talking. We left at like one in the morning, right? We saw this chapel and then- ah, shit,” he shot himself up in bed and gave a hurried glance to his finger. The glinting metal told volumes. He gave her a tentative look, and I offered him a shrug. He let out a sigh, and I gestured for him to turn around. He opted to bury his face in the pillow, and I began getting dressed. Thankfully, we had come back to my place, so I didn’t have to go through the awkward leaving phase of our morning after.

We did have to deal with the significantly more awkward marriage phase, though. As I pulled my t-shirt over my head, I decided that I would have taken going to his place over being married.

“Gerard,” I called over my shoulder as I buttoned my pants. He lifted his head and gave me a wary look. Unsure of how to break it to him, I opted to point at his crotch and be blunt, “You don’t happen to be sterile, do you?”

“Uh, no?” He was understandably confused, so I gestured to his genitals again.

“I’m not on the pill, you didn’t use a condom,” I explained, and Gerard let a groan rip through his throat as he flopped back on the bed.

“God damnit. Are you shitting me? Not only are we married, but you might be pregnant?” he unashamedly climbed out of the bed and began angrily yanking his own clothes on.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was going out last night, otherwise I would have-”

“Fuck, no. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I have condoms in my wallet and I just didn’t- Fuck, this is such a pain,” I apologized again but he waved me off and opted to sit back on the bed again.

“We’re gonna have to get an annulment, obviously,” I said as I nervously shuffled from foot-to-foot in the center of my bedroom. I really just wanted Gerard to leave, already. He coursed a hand through his tangled hair, and gave a nod.

“Yeah, of course. What’s the address here? I’m leaving for… work for two or three weeks, but after that I can get it worked out,” I rattled my address off, and he entered it in the memo pad of his phone. I saw that the subject line was “annulment from pretty lady” and I almost laughed out loud. He was a charmer, alright.

“I’m real sorry about this-”

“Don’t worry about it, sugar, we’re both at fault. We’ll get it righted and be on our way, okay?” he stood from the bed and gave me a small smile that made my heart flutter. I don’t think I’d mind being married to him, if it meant I’d get to see him like this every morning, “I’ll see myself out. You should probably uh… clean your sheets.”

Notes

Thanks for reading.
Edited for continuity, apparently I couldn't decide if she was living in a house or an apartment when I wrote this.