You should have never come
Chapter 25
...“I’m gonna go tell Ballash that we’re going to the store,’ he declares and sprints up the stairs, roughly pushing the door open with his shoulder and practically falls into the hotel.
Gerard’s POV
In several minutes Frank practically leaps out of the hotel, panting slightly, his face flushed. He quickly approaches us, putting his arm around my back and slightly pushing me forward. His other arm goes around Diego the same way as he starts walking quickly, crossing the empty road. I know he didn’t hug Diego trying to make me feel bad, he’s just trying to get us to hurry. Drake and Adham are following behind.
“I didn’t find Ballash, and the sooner we get out of here, the better,” he mutters quietly, his voice slightly raspy. We don’t reply but increase our speed down the sidewalk, passing small neat houses. Finally we reach a small square, completely shaded by trees. There are some benches fixed around it, and right on the opposite side of the street there is a small grocery shop. Everything looks abandoned, but in a good way; in the way when everything is kept pretty and never used for it’s actual purposes. Frank pushes us towards the store, and his hand leaves my back.
“Remember- when you’re at the checkout line send Gerard out to warn me,”
We all nod and I smile at him before slipping behind the door. Before my eyes can take in the surroundings, the warm walmart-type smell fills my nose; it’s just everything mixed together- medicine, food, literally anything.
I look around. This is literally a mini Austrian Walmart- countless aisles. Diego lets out an “ooh” and sprints off in the direction of chips, skipping slightly.
“Gee, come here!” he calls out and I follow him.
“Dude, what chips should we get,” he asks thoughtfully, observing the stuffed shelves. He nibbles slightly on his thumb.
“Get Pringles, I like them the most,” I think for a second before adding “Don’t take the spicy ones though,”
“Okay,” he says, throwing two tall green cylinders into a red basket in his hand. They land with a loud crash, but Diego doesn’t seem bothered. We start slowly walking down the aisle, scanning shelves, occasionally grabbing bags of cookies. We just need to get out of here before Ballash arrives, and he can walk in any moment. The amount of food we’re getting might seem a little suspicious to him.
“Can we get Nutella?” I ask Diego, remembering my plans and he nods before moving on to the other aisle. He shoves two big Pepsis into my hands and I accept them without a question.
In about 10 minutes we have a basket full of chips, cookies, gummy worms, Nutellas and three packs of gums shaped like cigars. Apparently if you blow into them they’ll sorta explode with sweet power, and it looks like real smoke which, on my opinion, is pretty hip. Honestly it’s sort of surprising how there are so many kinds of food here, considering the fact that we are literally in the middle of nowhere. Have you ever heard of an Austrian village called Piesendorf? No? Fucking exactly.
There are so many Milka things here- biscuits, cookies, all possible types of chocolate flavours and textures, as if they have an infinite supply of them. It just seems odd, but it’s really cool.
Drake and Adham join us at the check out line, holding various bags and bottles in their hands. The line looks like it’s going to take about five minutes, maybe less.
“Dude, go tell Frank to get ready,” Diego nudges me and I nod, quickly sprinting towards the door. The doors automatically slide open in front of me and I almost bump into Frank. He looks surprised for a second before his cheeks spread in a smile. He makes sure the guys are too busy with the groceries to watch us and drags me a bit further away from the shop onto the shady square before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug. I can’t move and my arms are pressed firmly into my sides, but I don’t mind. Generally I don’t like hugs, but I can make Frank an exception, considering just how rarely I get to touch or even talk to him.
“I want to kiss you so bad,” Frank whispers against my hair, his lips on the top of my head. “You have no idea,”
“I’d tell you to show me but I have a feeling we’re gonna get caught,” I reply, smiling before softly pushing him away. “Sorry,”
“No, I get it, it’s okay. This sucks so much though. Wanna come to my room later in the evening?” he asks, his hand still on my waist. “We aren’t going to do anything you don’t want to do, I promise, we can just talk if you-”
“Yeah, sure, but right now we kind of need to focus on the Nutella we are trying to smuggle into the hotel,”
“I have the backpack ready, so now it all depends on Ballash’s IQ level,” he says, his face expression totally serious as he passes me by and approaches the store doors once again.
Right at that second Diego pops out, carrying two large bags in his hands. He is bending down slightly under their weight and Frank quickly passes him the backpack, unzipping it for him. Diego hurriedly stuffs the groceries inside and straightens his back. I’m not completely sure, but I think I just heard a crack. He lets out a sigh of relief before lifting his hand up to my face.
I’m confused at what’s he trying to do as his palm waves in front of me, so I just stand still, scared to move a muscle.
“Dude. High-five,” Diego utters and I quickly slap his hand with my own. He smiles and I can hear Frank snicker behind my back.
***
“Oh heeeeeeeey Ballaaash,” Frank greets the older counselor, grinning toothily as we pass him by. He looks like the happiest person in the universe right now, and if I was Ballash I’d probably feel that something’s wrong.
“What’s up with the backpack?” Ballash inquiries, looking us up and down. We’d decided that I, Diego, Drake and Adham would keep quiet while Frank deals with everything himself, so we just silently wait for his reaction. I feel my face heat up in a blush and bring my hand up, trying to make it look like I’m scratching my nose while I’m trying to hide behind my hair as much as possible.
“Oh I bought a raincoat for myself, I just found out that the one I bought had it’s sleeve ripped,” Frank smiles even wider.
Ballash watches me intensively for what seems like the whole eternity before finally switching his gaze back to Frank.
“Okay, you can go, but the boys have to go to the meeting spot behind the hotel. We are gathering for the mail,” Frank nods before quickly sprinting up the stairs. He enters the hotel hurriedly and disappears out of sight.
***
The back of the hotel is a small grassy area with old-looking swings in the corner, right near the fence. Above our heads there is a long balcony with tables on it, and in other times it’s probably a lunch area. Everybody is sitting on the ground, waiting for Ballash to appear on the balcony; apparently he’s going to be reading them out loud from up there and then throwing them into the crowd. The one who the note is for needs to pick it up.
Finally he appears, smiling brightly and holding the mailbox in his hands. All the counselors, including Frank, stand next to him, looking down at us. I try to catch Frank’s gaze but he avoids it.
Everyone cheers as Ballash carefully sets the box on the rails in front of him and opens it.
His hand plunges in and starts digging around, and for some reason I feel extremely nervous and uneasy. The reason I’m scared I get a note is that I’ll have to walk in front of everyone to pick it up from the ground, and that makes me feel extremely self conscious.
Finally Ballash pulls a small folded paper out. He lifts it up to his eyes and his voice booms loudly as he speaks.
“Veronica, thank you for being such a great friend!” he reads and folds it in two, tossing it to the ground. Everyone applauses as a blonde girl with a red bracelet on her wrist stands up and walks over towards the piece of paper; she’s from the middle group. She quickly picks it up and walks back to her spot, giggling with her friends.
“Angelina, I really like your hair! xoxo!” Ballash reads out. The recipient picks up the note from the grass, grinning triumphantly. By the looks of it, this is going to be just girls sending BFF notes to each other. Maybe they’ll brave up in a couple of days and start sending hate, which also seems very likely.
“Diego, you’re really cute!” Ballash reads and laughs, dropping the paper.
My head shoots up from the grass and I stare at Diego, who quietly stands up and picks up the note. Several people “awww” at him.
***
About five minutes, consisting of sickenly-sweet notes girls send to each other, I feel like I’m going to fall asleep. Ballash still isn’t done though.
“Okay, there are about six left in here. These are the notes that were put into the box first,” he says before his hand plunges in again. He immediately pulls out another folded piece of paper. I stare at him absentmindedly, struggling to keep my eyes open as he clears his throat.
“Gerard, I think I love you,” he suddenly reads, shaking me out of my trance and the whole crowd “awws”. The paper lands on the ground not too far away from me. My heart seizes it’s beat and my breath hitches in my throat. Diego nudges me in the ribs.
“Go pick it up,” he says and I, instead of standing up and walking properly, lean in and crawl for half a meter until it’s in the range that my arm can reach. I grab it and immediately sit back down, feeling blood rush into my cheeks.
“Gerard, I think I love you,” Ballash repeats and another paper lands on the ground. This time I stand up and walk shakily towards it, feeling my knees wobble slightly. Just as I bend down and my fingers touch it, Ballash starts reading another note.
“Gerard, I think I love you,” he reads and I look up at him in confusion. He furrows his eyebrows and turns with his back to us, shaking all of the remaining notes out of the box onto the table.
“Gerard, you have a crazy admirer,” he smiles at me after a moment. I stand among the curious teens, feeling their gazes on me, dumbfounded. What the fuck is going on?
Frank is standing still, leaning against the rails, his arms folded in front of him and his face expression completely indifferent as he stares into the distance mountains behind us.
“There are four notes with “Gerard I think I love you” written on them,” Ballash laughs and throws them all in my direction. I hurriedly pick them up and stuff them into my pocket, slumping down on my spot next to Diego, who just pats my back. My heart is beating rapidly, and I kind of feel like I’m going to black out.
“Okay, two more left,” Ballash announces before unfolding another paper.
“Gerard, actually, scratch that, I really love you,” he reads and his lips part in a smile. “Hey Gerard, there is a small heart scribbled in the corner, it’s cute,”
I blush even more, probably going the color of my hair, feeling extremely embarrassed but kind of happy at the same time. I stand up, meaning to pick up the note, but Ballash stops me.
“Wait, I have a feeling that the next note is for you, too,” I nod and sit back down obediently, looking up at the counselors. Frank’s muscles haven’t even twitched.
“Gerard, I kinda want to make love to you, but I can’t” Ballash reads without giving it a second thought. Somebody gasps and his eyes then widen in surprise and he quickly crumbles the paper in his hand, tearing it into several pieces. Everyone around me starts murmuring, discussing the note while Diego just stares at me with his mouth open.
That’s when I notice the corner of Frank’s lip twitch.
Gerard’s POV
In several minutes Frank practically leaps out of the hotel, panting slightly, his face flushed. He quickly approaches us, putting his arm around my back and slightly pushing me forward. His other arm goes around Diego the same way as he starts walking quickly, crossing the empty road. I know he didn’t hug Diego trying to make me feel bad, he’s just trying to get us to hurry. Drake and Adham are following behind.
“I didn’t find Ballash, and the sooner we get out of here, the better,” he mutters quietly, his voice slightly raspy. We don’t reply but increase our speed down the sidewalk, passing small neat houses. Finally we reach a small square, completely shaded by trees. There are some benches fixed around it, and right on the opposite side of the street there is a small grocery shop. Everything looks abandoned, but in a good way; in the way when everything is kept pretty and never used for it’s actual purposes. Frank pushes us towards the store, and his hand leaves my back.
“Remember- when you’re at the checkout line send Gerard out to warn me,”
We all nod and I smile at him before slipping behind the door. Before my eyes can take in the surroundings, the warm walmart-type smell fills my nose; it’s just everything mixed together- medicine, food, literally anything.
I look around. This is literally a mini Austrian Walmart- countless aisles. Diego lets out an “ooh” and sprints off in the direction of chips, skipping slightly.
“Gee, come here!” he calls out and I follow him.
“Dude, what chips should we get,” he asks thoughtfully, observing the stuffed shelves. He nibbles slightly on his thumb.
“Get Pringles, I like them the most,” I think for a second before adding “Don’t take the spicy ones though,”
“Okay,” he says, throwing two tall green cylinders into a red basket in his hand. They land with a loud crash, but Diego doesn’t seem bothered. We start slowly walking down the aisle, scanning shelves, occasionally grabbing bags of cookies. We just need to get out of here before Ballash arrives, and he can walk in any moment. The amount of food we’re getting might seem a little suspicious to him.
“Can we get Nutella?” I ask Diego, remembering my plans and he nods before moving on to the other aisle. He shoves two big Pepsis into my hands and I accept them without a question.
In about 10 minutes we have a basket full of chips, cookies, gummy worms, Nutellas and three packs of gums shaped like cigars. Apparently if you blow into them they’ll sorta explode with sweet power, and it looks like real smoke which, on my opinion, is pretty hip. Honestly it’s sort of surprising how there are so many kinds of food here, considering the fact that we are literally in the middle of nowhere. Have you ever heard of an Austrian village called Piesendorf? No? Fucking exactly.
There are so many Milka things here- biscuits, cookies, all possible types of chocolate flavours and textures, as if they have an infinite supply of them. It just seems odd, but it’s really cool.
Drake and Adham join us at the check out line, holding various bags and bottles in their hands. The line looks like it’s going to take about five minutes, maybe less.
“Dude, go tell Frank to get ready,” Diego nudges me and I nod, quickly sprinting towards the door. The doors automatically slide open in front of me and I almost bump into Frank. He looks surprised for a second before his cheeks spread in a smile. He makes sure the guys are too busy with the groceries to watch us and drags me a bit further away from the shop onto the shady square before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug. I can’t move and my arms are pressed firmly into my sides, but I don’t mind. Generally I don’t like hugs, but I can make Frank an exception, considering just how rarely I get to touch or even talk to him.
“I want to kiss you so bad,” Frank whispers against my hair, his lips on the top of my head. “You have no idea,”
“I’d tell you to show me but I have a feeling we’re gonna get caught,” I reply, smiling before softly pushing him away. “Sorry,”
“No, I get it, it’s okay. This sucks so much though. Wanna come to my room later in the evening?” he asks, his hand still on my waist. “We aren’t going to do anything you don’t want to do, I promise, we can just talk if you-”
“Yeah, sure, but right now we kind of need to focus on the Nutella we are trying to smuggle into the hotel,”
“I have the backpack ready, so now it all depends on Ballash’s IQ level,” he says, his face expression totally serious as he passes me by and approaches the store doors once again.
Right at that second Diego pops out, carrying two large bags in his hands. He is bending down slightly under their weight and Frank quickly passes him the backpack, unzipping it for him. Diego hurriedly stuffs the groceries inside and straightens his back. I’m not completely sure, but I think I just heard a crack. He lets out a sigh of relief before lifting his hand up to my face.
I’m confused at what’s he trying to do as his palm waves in front of me, so I just stand still, scared to move a muscle.
“Dude. High-five,” Diego utters and I quickly slap his hand with my own. He smiles and I can hear Frank snicker behind my back.
***
“Oh heeeeeeeey Ballaaash,” Frank greets the older counselor, grinning toothily as we pass him by. He looks like the happiest person in the universe right now, and if I was Ballash I’d probably feel that something’s wrong.
“What’s up with the backpack?” Ballash inquiries, looking us up and down. We’d decided that I, Diego, Drake and Adham would keep quiet while Frank deals with everything himself, so we just silently wait for his reaction. I feel my face heat up in a blush and bring my hand up, trying to make it look like I’m scratching my nose while I’m trying to hide behind my hair as much as possible.
“Oh I bought a raincoat for myself, I just found out that the one I bought had it’s sleeve ripped,” Frank smiles even wider.
Ballash watches me intensively for what seems like the whole eternity before finally switching his gaze back to Frank.
“Okay, you can go, but the boys have to go to the meeting spot behind the hotel. We are gathering for the mail,” Frank nods before quickly sprinting up the stairs. He enters the hotel hurriedly and disappears out of sight.
***
The back of the hotel is a small grassy area with old-looking swings in the corner, right near the fence. Above our heads there is a long balcony with tables on it, and in other times it’s probably a lunch area. Everybody is sitting on the ground, waiting for Ballash to appear on the balcony; apparently he’s going to be reading them out loud from up there and then throwing them into the crowd. The one who the note is for needs to pick it up.
Finally he appears, smiling brightly and holding the mailbox in his hands. All the counselors, including Frank, stand next to him, looking down at us. I try to catch Frank’s gaze but he avoids it.
Everyone cheers as Ballash carefully sets the box on the rails in front of him and opens it.
His hand plunges in and starts digging around, and for some reason I feel extremely nervous and uneasy. The reason I’m scared I get a note is that I’ll have to walk in front of everyone to pick it up from the ground, and that makes me feel extremely self conscious.
Finally Ballash pulls a small folded paper out. He lifts it up to his eyes and his voice booms loudly as he speaks.
“Veronica, thank you for being such a great friend!” he reads and folds it in two, tossing it to the ground. Everyone applauses as a blonde girl with a red bracelet on her wrist stands up and walks over towards the piece of paper; she’s from the middle group. She quickly picks it up and walks back to her spot, giggling with her friends.
“Angelina, I really like your hair! xoxo!” Ballash reads out. The recipient picks up the note from the grass, grinning triumphantly. By the looks of it, this is going to be just girls sending BFF notes to each other. Maybe they’ll brave up in a couple of days and start sending hate, which also seems very likely.
“Diego, you’re really cute!” Ballash reads and laughs, dropping the paper.
My head shoots up from the grass and I stare at Diego, who quietly stands up and picks up the note. Several people “awww” at him.
***
About five minutes, consisting of sickenly-sweet notes girls send to each other, I feel like I’m going to fall asleep. Ballash still isn’t done though.
“Okay, there are about six left in here. These are the notes that were put into the box first,” he says before his hand plunges in again. He immediately pulls out another folded piece of paper. I stare at him absentmindedly, struggling to keep my eyes open as he clears his throat.
“Gerard, I think I love you,” he suddenly reads, shaking me out of my trance and the whole crowd “awws”. The paper lands on the ground not too far away from me. My heart seizes it’s beat and my breath hitches in my throat. Diego nudges me in the ribs.
“Go pick it up,” he says and I, instead of standing up and walking properly, lean in and crawl for half a meter until it’s in the range that my arm can reach. I grab it and immediately sit back down, feeling blood rush into my cheeks.
“Gerard, I think I love you,” Ballash repeats and another paper lands on the ground. This time I stand up and walk shakily towards it, feeling my knees wobble slightly. Just as I bend down and my fingers touch it, Ballash starts reading another note.
“Gerard, I think I love you,” he reads and I look up at him in confusion. He furrows his eyebrows and turns with his back to us, shaking all of the remaining notes out of the box onto the table.
“Gerard, you have a crazy admirer,” he smiles at me after a moment. I stand among the curious teens, feeling their gazes on me, dumbfounded. What the fuck is going on?
Frank is standing still, leaning against the rails, his arms folded in front of him and his face expression completely indifferent as he stares into the distance mountains behind us.
“There are four notes with “Gerard I think I love you” written on them,” Ballash laughs and throws them all in my direction. I hurriedly pick them up and stuff them into my pocket, slumping down on my spot next to Diego, who just pats my back. My heart is beating rapidly, and I kind of feel like I’m going to black out.
“Okay, two more left,” Ballash announces before unfolding another paper.
“Gerard, actually, scratch that, I really love you,” he reads and his lips part in a smile. “Hey Gerard, there is a small heart scribbled in the corner, it’s cute,”
I blush even more, probably going the color of my hair, feeling extremely embarrassed but kind of happy at the same time. I stand up, meaning to pick up the note, but Ballash stops me.
“Wait, I have a feeling that the next note is for you, too,” I nod and sit back down obediently, looking up at the counselors. Frank’s muscles haven’t even twitched.
“Gerard, I kinda want to make love to you, but I can’t” Ballash reads without giving it a second thought. Somebody gasps and his eyes then widen in surprise and he quickly crumbles the paper in his hand, tearing it into several pieces. Everyone around me starts murmuring, discussing the note while Diego just stares at me with his mouth open.
That’s when I notice the corner of Frank’s lip twitch.
Notes
So, what do ya think?
By the way if you guys haven't heard Gerard's Oxford Union speech yet, here's the link:
https://soundcloud.com/alliana0x/gerard-way-oxford-union-speech
PS: you'll come crawling to me thanking me for giving you these gifs:
http://m.vk.com/wall-69018633_210023
It's basically frerard porn, just look at them, you aren't going to regret it.
This was actually the first fanfiction I ever read. (Hence that was like a year and a half ago)
5/1/17