You should have never come
Chapter 18
...“You aren’t scared?” he finally asks, his voice quiet, but not a whisper.
“No. Please, kiss me,” I ask once again and his eyes light up, a delighted, beaming smile parting his lips. He lowers himself towards me again, and this time, I kiss back.
Gerard’s POV
Frank’s lips are still on mine, moving gently, but he still hasn’t tried sticking his tongue in or anything, which I’m grateful for, because this is only my first kiss. I just want to enjoy having Frank so close to me, feeling his body heat on me, and knowing that I was, after all, the one he was apparently attracted to since day one. All of this seems impossible, and I’m scared I might be dreaming and suddenly he’ll disappear.
I wrap my arms around him, pulling him down closer to me, pressing our chests together, and I can feel his heartbeat. It’s calm and even, and I’m guessing he’s happy to have me. And I’m happy to give myself to him. This is really nothing sexual though- just us lying together, and I don’t think what we are doing can even be called kissing- just our lips pressed together and his hand buried in my hair, the lower part of his palm on my cheek.
Suddenly he pushes himself upwards on his arms, and his eyes shoot open as he stares down at me.
“You aren’t doing this because you feel like I’m forcing you, right?” he asks worriedly, his voice louder than needed, his eyes panicked and wild. “I mean, maybe you feel like I can hurt you if you say no to me because I’m a counselor,”
I would think he’s joking, but his face expression looks like he’s about to die of internal bleeding. I fiercely shake my head and lean upwards into a kiss, meaning to prove him that I’m willing to be closer to him and that I don’t mind it, but he pushes himself up even further from me, and I feel somewhat hurt.
“Gerard, am I forcing you?” he asks again, slightly shaking.
“No, you aren’t, now just please…” I sit up slightly, propping myself on my elbows and he finally moves closer, his eyes closing again as he lets out a shaky breath, bringing his face closer to mine. Our lips are inches away from each other, when suddenly there is a loud knock on the door.
In a heartbeat, Frank is off the bed and is standing above me, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide, darting between me and the door. His cheeks turn crimson red, and he quickly bends closer to me, soothing my hair down with his hand.
“Please don’t tell him about this, I beg you,” he whispers almost inaudibly into my ear before leaping towards the door, hurriedly fixing his T-shirt and leaving me lying on the bed, completely dumbfounded. But as soon as Frank opens the door, I understand everything.
“Where’s Gerard?” Ballash’s loud, low voice rings from the hallway, and he sounds somewhat angry. I freeze, not daring to move and hold my breath, trying to hear every word.
“He’s resting on my bed, he woke up just five minutes ago,” Frank replies quickly, his voice a bit higher than usual. It’s been more than five minutes though, more like half an hour, but Ballash sure doesn’t need to know that.
“How does he feel?”
“He’s fine, I was just about to go downstairs and get him some tea, but why are you here? I thought you were doing archery with the upper group,” Frank inquiries, sounding more concerned than accusing.
“It’s raining dumbass, everyone is downstairs playing cards,” Ballash retorts rather rudely.
“Oh,”
Ballash’s voice quiets down that I almost can’t hear him. “And do you really think that I was going to leave you alone in the hotel with him, Iero? I wouldn’t care if it was anyone else, but him- no way. I’m watching you, Frank, so be careful,”
“Would you be so kind to not pour salt on the wound? The kid isn’t gay Ballash, he told me who he likes,”
Frank is pretty good at lying, I need to admit. I wonder if he’s making this up on the spot or if he already had a plan ready.
“He told YOU?”
“Yes he did, because I’m the best counselor here,”
“Oh yeah? So who does he like?”
“I’m not allowed to tell you or anyone else, it’s a secret,” Frank says proudly.
“I can still recite you telling me he got a boner when you were helping him on the low ropes,”
“You know how teenagers are- horny 24/7, and he’s just 17”
“I am not sure if I fully believe you, but you need to remember- even if he wants it, you are not allowed to touch him, that’s the rule,”
“I know, and I’m not touching him, trust me,” Frank’s reply kind of makes me laugh, but I quickly muffle it with my hand, scared of Ballash.
“Alright, go get him tea. I want to talk to him alone,”
I hear Frank’s fast footsteps thump down the hall as he hurriedly retreats from the crime scene, and then they fade completely out of my hearing range.
“Hey, wassup?” Ballash says cheerily as he enters the room, pulling a chair up to the bed and sitting on it, propping his head in his hands.
“Nothing much, just fainted” I reply and laugh, feeling a bit awkward. I definitely wasn’t supposed to hear their conversation, and now, I have to admit, I’m a kind of freaking out.
“Well, you didn’t miss out on anything important anyways,”
“Where’s everyone?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.
Play it cool Gerard, play it cool.
“They are downstairs playing cards. We planned to do archery after lunch, but the weather ruined it all,”
“Sucks, I’d want to try archery,”
“It’s all fun until you get shot in the back,” Ballash laughs lightheartedly and I smile, revealing my teeth. There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence, and I look away, fumbling with my fingers. The rain, which I didn’t pay much attention to before, thumps loudly on the window, and it's sort of annoying.
“Was Frank nice?” Ballash suddenly asks and I turn my head to look at him.
Don’t you fucking dare blush, don’t you motherfucking dare mess this up you-
“Yeah, I mean, he allowed me to lay here while I come to my senses and he kept me company,” I reply.
“An unconscious person doesn’t need company,” Ballash mumbles and I pretend like I don’t understand what he’s talking about, ignoring the statement. His words make me wonder if Frank actually touched or kissed me while I was blacked out.
“We have a similar music taste, so it was nice talking to him,” I say in an attempt to keep the conversation going, glancing behind Ballash at the Misfits poster stuck to the wardrobe.
“Oh god, don’t tell me you’re into the weird stuff too,” Ballash fakes a gasp and laughs. I pout jokingly, even though I’m quite offended.
“Hey! That’s kinda mean,” Frank’s voice rings from the hallway and he quickly enters, holding a promised cup of tea by the handle. His presence makes me feel comfortable and uneasy at the same time. He passes the cup to me and I nod thankfully, taking it from his hands and taking a sip.
He added too much sugar, and I can hardly taste the actual tea. I usually don’t add any sugar at all, and from my uneducated opinion there are at least five tablespoons in this.
“I’ll bring Gerard downstairs when he feels well enough, okay?” Franks suggests, turning to Ballash who’s watching all his actions.
“Sure, but if he feels worse we’ll have to call the nurse,”
“There is no need, really,” I stick into the conversation before Frank can reply. “It was just because of low blood pressure, really, it happens quite often,”
“Alright, I’ll leave you to rest then,” the older counselor finally says, standing up from the chair and heading for the door. He stops in the door frame and brings his index and middle fingers to his eyes and then points them at Frank, gesturing that he’s watching him.
“No. Please, kiss me,” I ask once again and his eyes light up, a delighted, beaming smile parting his lips. He lowers himself towards me again, and this time, I kiss back.
Gerard’s POV
Frank’s lips are still on mine, moving gently, but he still hasn’t tried sticking his tongue in or anything, which I’m grateful for, because this is only my first kiss. I just want to enjoy having Frank so close to me, feeling his body heat on me, and knowing that I was, after all, the one he was apparently attracted to since day one. All of this seems impossible, and I’m scared I might be dreaming and suddenly he’ll disappear.
I wrap my arms around him, pulling him down closer to me, pressing our chests together, and I can feel his heartbeat. It’s calm and even, and I’m guessing he’s happy to have me. And I’m happy to give myself to him. This is really nothing sexual though- just us lying together, and I don’t think what we are doing can even be called kissing- just our lips pressed together and his hand buried in my hair, the lower part of his palm on my cheek.
Suddenly he pushes himself upwards on his arms, and his eyes shoot open as he stares down at me.
“You aren’t doing this because you feel like I’m forcing you, right?” he asks worriedly, his voice louder than needed, his eyes panicked and wild. “I mean, maybe you feel like I can hurt you if you say no to me because I’m a counselor,”
I would think he’s joking, but his face expression looks like he’s about to die of internal bleeding. I fiercely shake my head and lean upwards into a kiss, meaning to prove him that I’m willing to be closer to him and that I don’t mind it, but he pushes himself up even further from me, and I feel somewhat hurt.
“Gerard, am I forcing you?” he asks again, slightly shaking.
“No, you aren’t, now just please…” I sit up slightly, propping myself on my elbows and he finally moves closer, his eyes closing again as he lets out a shaky breath, bringing his face closer to mine. Our lips are inches away from each other, when suddenly there is a loud knock on the door.
In a heartbeat, Frank is off the bed and is standing above me, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide, darting between me and the door. His cheeks turn crimson red, and he quickly bends closer to me, soothing my hair down with his hand.
“Please don’t tell him about this, I beg you,” he whispers almost inaudibly into my ear before leaping towards the door, hurriedly fixing his T-shirt and leaving me lying on the bed, completely dumbfounded. But as soon as Frank opens the door, I understand everything.
“Where’s Gerard?” Ballash’s loud, low voice rings from the hallway, and he sounds somewhat angry. I freeze, not daring to move and hold my breath, trying to hear every word.
“He’s resting on my bed, he woke up just five minutes ago,” Frank replies quickly, his voice a bit higher than usual. It’s been more than five minutes though, more like half an hour, but Ballash sure doesn’t need to know that.
“How does he feel?”
“He’s fine, I was just about to go downstairs and get him some tea, but why are you here? I thought you were doing archery with the upper group,” Frank inquiries, sounding more concerned than accusing.
“It’s raining dumbass, everyone is downstairs playing cards,” Ballash retorts rather rudely.
“Oh,”
Ballash’s voice quiets down that I almost can’t hear him. “And do you really think that I was going to leave you alone in the hotel with him, Iero? I wouldn’t care if it was anyone else, but him- no way. I’m watching you, Frank, so be careful,”
“Would you be so kind to not pour salt on the wound? The kid isn’t gay Ballash, he told me who he likes,”
Frank is pretty good at lying, I need to admit. I wonder if he’s making this up on the spot or if he already had a plan ready.
“He told YOU?”
“Yes he did, because I’m the best counselor here,”
“Oh yeah? So who does he like?”
“I’m not allowed to tell you or anyone else, it’s a secret,” Frank says proudly.
“I can still recite you telling me he got a boner when you were helping him on the low ropes,”
“You know how teenagers are- horny 24/7, and he’s just 17”
“I am not sure if I fully believe you, but you need to remember- even if he wants it, you are not allowed to touch him, that’s the rule,”
“I know, and I’m not touching him, trust me,” Frank’s reply kind of makes me laugh, but I quickly muffle it with my hand, scared of Ballash.
“Alright, go get him tea. I want to talk to him alone,”
I hear Frank’s fast footsteps thump down the hall as he hurriedly retreats from the crime scene, and then they fade completely out of my hearing range.
“Hey, wassup?” Ballash says cheerily as he enters the room, pulling a chair up to the bed and sitting on it, propping his head in his hands.
“Nothing much, just fainted” I reply and laugh, feeling a bit awkward. I definitely wasn’t supposed to hear their conversation, and now, I have to admit, I’m a kind of freaking out.
“Well, you didn’t miss out on anything important anyways,”
“Where’s everyone?” I ask, even though I already know the answer.
Play it cool Gerard, play it cool.
“They are downstairs playing cards. We planned to do archery after lunch, but the weather ruined it all,”
“Sucks, I’d want to try archery,”
“It’s all fun until you get shot in the back,” Ballash laughs lightheartedly and I smile, revealing my teeth. There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence, and I look away, fumbling with my fingers. The rain, which I didn’t pay much attention to before, thumps loudly on the window, and it's sort of annoying.
“Was Frank nice?” Ballash suddenly asks and I turn my head to look at him.
Don’t you fucking dare blush, don’t you motherfucking dare mess this up you-
“Yeah, I mean, he allowed me to lay here while I come to my senses and he kept me company,” I reply.
“An unconscious person doesn’t need company,” Ballash mumbles and I pretend like I don’t understand what he’s talking about, ignoring the statement. His words make me wonder if Frank actually touched or kissed me while I was blacked out.
“We have a similar music taste, so it was nice talking to him,” I say in an attempt to keep the conversation going, glancing behind Ballash at the Misfits poster stuck to the wardrobe.
“Oh god, don’t tell me you’re into the weird stuff too,” Ballash fakes a gasp and laughs. I pout jokingly, even though I’m quite offended.
“Hey! That’s kinda mean,” Frank’s voice rings from the hallway and he quickly enters, holding a promised cup of tea by the handle. His presence makes me feel comfortable and uneasy at the same time. He passes the cup to me and I nod thankfully, taking it from his hands and taking a sip.
He added too much sugar, and I can hardly taste the actual tea. I usually don’t add any sugar at all, and from my uneducated opinion there are at least five tablespoons in this.
“I’ll bring Gerard downstairs when he feels well enough, okay?” Franks suggests, turning to Ballash who’s watching all his actions.
“Sure, but if he feels worse we’ll have to call the nurse,”
“There is no need, really,” I stick into the conversation before Frank can reply. “It was just because of low blood pressure, really, it happens quite often,”
“Alright, I’ll leave you to rest then,” the older counselor finally says, standing up from the chair and heading for the door. He stops in the door frame and brings his index and middle fingers to his eyes and then points them at Frank, gesturing that he’s watching him.
Notes
You guys might find it weird, but for me, the best sounding word in english language is suicidal. The vowels are so harmonised, and it pours out of your mouth like a waterfall, or a butterfly. It's so light, like a cloud, and you just want to say it over and over again. It makes the most horrible thing there is in the world sound amazing and enticing, romanticises it. Suicidal suicidal suicidal... It even looks good when you write it. I love this word, but I hate the meaning.
What is wrong with my brain
Anyways... feedback? Ballash is so protective
This was actually the first fanfiction I ever read. (Hence that was like a year and a half ago)
5/1/17