Return To Me, My Love

A week after we get back from Paris the band finally goes back on tour, leaving for Australia and I decide to head into the city, knowing the apartment will be empty. My body is starting to heal and I can walk without the cane again, my face starting to lighten up again, the bruising fading. I take the train into the city, Mikey meeting me and we head to the apartment to drop my stuff off, Mikey waiting in the living room while I go down the hallway to the bedroom and when I go in I see it's exactly the way I left it weeks ago before I went to join the tour. As I head back down the hallway I notice Ian's bedroom door half open and when I step closer and push it open fully, glancing in I see the room is empty, absolutely everything gone and I feel my stomach drop as I stand in the doorway and just stare. "Gee" Mikey calls, clearly confused about what's taking so long and when he steps up behind me he follows my line of sight, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder as he softly says "It's not your fault." "It is" I tell him, my eyes welling with tears as my stomach twists into knots. "They wouldn't have been fighting if it wasn't for me, I've ruined their friendship and...." "No Gee" Mikey cuts me off, gripping my shoulder and turning me to face him. "This isn't your fault ok. Frank shouldn't be such a fucking dick and Ian should respect other people's relationships. The two of them should never have put you in the position they did in the first place." I hang my head, knowing Mikey will just continue to blame them when really it's my fault and Spence's angry drunken words from years ago ring in my ear, "You're ruining the band you fucking slut." Mikey's hand tightens on my shoulder, squeezing softly and I look back up before saying "I'm not feeling so great, I might just lay down, can we go for coffee another time?" Mikey frowns, his facial expression telling me he's going to argue but he seems to rethink it, opening his mouth to say "Sure Gee, get some rest and I'll see you tomorrow right? The viewing of the apartment is at 10." "I'll be there" I tell him, confirming our plans to see an apartment together and Mikey smiles and turns to leave, pausing when he reaches the front door to turn and say "Call me if you need anything at all."

After Mikey leaves I wander back into the front of the apartment, going into the kitchen for a glass of water before I cross to the living room and as I go to take a seat on the couch I see an envelope with my name written on it propped up on the coffee table. I sit my glass down so I can reach out and grab it, pulling the letter out and I see its divorce papers, Franks signature on every page requiring his signature and I fold the paper back up, slipping it back into the envelope before dropping it back onto the table, standing up and leaving the room. I walk back down the hall to the bedroom, collapsing on the bed and the scent of Frank invades my senses, making my heart flutter and my stomach clench painfully, my self control breaking and I fall apart, sobbing into the pillows until I pass out, needing a break from reality for a while.

I wake up hours later, the room black around me and I feel myself start to panic, the dark never bothering me before but suddenly I'm terrified, fumbling around with my good hand for the lamp, flicking it on and once I can see I feel the pure terror I felt slowly fade. I slump back against the mattress, breathing deep and even until I feel my heart rate slow back to normal and I slowly sit up again, dragging myself off the bed and over to where my bags are, digging out my laptop and setting it up on the desk where I turn on another lamp. While the computer starts up I leave the room, wandering into the kitchen for another glass of water and when I come back it has fully loaded, a picture of Frank and I displayed on the screen, making my chest grow tight as I look at it. I sit down, opening my Internet browser and deciding to get it out of the way, googling Franks name, deciding to see what's been happening in the last week and a half but what I see makes my blood run cold. There are gossip stories that Frank beat me, pictures of me at airport in Paris busted and bruised without him fuelling their supposed proof and I scroll down further until I find the link to Franks Twitter, only two posts being made in the last three weeks, the last one reading 'No I did no beat my husband and I will not be answering any questions on the matter. There was an unfortunate incident in Paris which resulted in the injuries he's been seen with, no one is to blame, it was simply an accident.' I keep looking for another ten minutes, seeing what all the fans on tumblr are saying about my appearance and the fact that I didn't arrive in Australia with the guys until I can't take it any longer, slamming the lid of my laptop shut and standing, walking away from the desk and I decide I can't stay in the apartment any longer, ignoring the fact that it's two in the morning as I pull my shoes on and walk out the door, stepping out into the early morning rain, letting it wash away my tears.

Notes