I Still Think You're Beautiful

Gerard's P.O.V

"Why did you punch him?" The teacher asks me once again. The bitch has been trying to get me to answer her for the past 15 minutes, but I haven't said a word.

Yeah, sure, I did punch a kid. But the thing is, he fucking deserved it. I cross my arms and stare back at the red haired teacher, her eyes stare into my soul as she glares at me.

"Mr. Way," She spits, "This would be much easier if you just answered me."

I cross my arms and stare her dead in the eye. "Suspend me." I say. Her eyes widen, a look of shock appearing on her face.
"Suspend you?" She gasps. "You do know that if you get suspended during this week you-"

"Can't go to prom." I interrupt, finishing her sentence. "Yeah, I know." I lean my back against the wall of the hallway, not taking my eyes off the woman.

"Why would you want to be suspended?" I shake my head and shift my body a little, "I have my reasons." I answer, "I need an excuse not to go so nobody bothers me."

She goes silent for awhile, her searching around my face blankly. I've probably shocked her. I mean, who wants to be suspended? "I can't suspend you." She finally says.

"Why the fuck not?!?" I yell, making sure I use profanity. That's another thing you can get suspended for. "I fucking punched a kid and broke his damn nose! I should get a fucking suspension!"
"Language, Gerard." She says sternly. I wonder how she knows my name. I guess teachers know everyone and their names. "Just tell me why you punched Charlie and we can move on with our lives."

"Will you suspend me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"No."

"Than I'm not talking."

"Fine," she huffs while giving me a dirty look, "I'll see what I can do. Now why did you attack Charlie?"

I smirk and uncross my arms, "I punched him because he's an annoying little shit who can't keep his fucking mouth closed." I take a breathe and continue, "He's also a devil worshipper and he kept telling me to join the illuminati." Okay, maybe the last part was made up, but that's the way I viewed Charlie.

"Oh," The teacher whispers. "Just...just follow me to the office." She sighs again and starts walking, motioning me to follow her. She doesn't even look at me on the walk to the office, and when we get there she tells me to sit down and shut up. I'm fine with that.

I sat quietly on one of the plastic chairs that almost every school has, those black kind that have the holes in the back for some reason. My elbow props itself up on the armrest as my chin rest in my hand.

I take a deep breathe and replay the event of me punching Charlie in the face. It didn't punch him that hard, it was quick and someone pulled me off him before I could really hurt him bad. He deserved it though, for the things he was saying.

"Where's your little emo boyfriend Gerard's?" He mocked. "Is he still missing or did he really kill himself this time?"

I don't know why that set me off, but it did. I was almost over Frank and not even thinking about him until Charlie said that. Pain and memories flooded back into my head and I didn't know what to do, so I just punched his stupid face.

I listen as the teacher who talked to me in the hallway speaks quietly to another teacher in the office, I try my best to listen to them but I can't concentrate. "He wants to be suspended, Janice." A voice says quietly, And it's true, I do want to be suspended.

A new rule was passed that if you get suspended or have detention the week of prom, then you can't go. Which I think is bullshit because they can't just stop you from going, it's fucking prom. But I guess they can stop me.

I wait for about 20 minutes until the same woman who talked to me earlier appears, "The principal is out today, but, we've called your mother and told her you've been suspended for two days. She can't pick you up right now, so is your house a walking distance?"

"Wait," I say, "I get to leave now?"

She nods, "You used profanity and put another student in danger. You have to leave."

"Fine by me." I reply. "There's only 15 minutes left of school anyway."

They let me leave after I call my mom and tell her I'm going home. Usually at this school, they make you finish the school day, but I guess I got lucky.

As I walk home, I allow myself to think about Frank. I haven't thought about him for weeks, I just haven't had any intention of trying to remember him.

I know I said I would wait for him and everything, but I'm making myself sick. I got myself so overwhelmed back in January that I started drinking, then I let myself slip back into doing drugs. And yeah, I was suicidal again. Of course Mikey found out and told my mom, so then I had to get a therapist which I go to every Monday.

The therapist got me out of drugs and stuff, and he also helped get over Frank. He made me realize that Frank was never coming back and I had no reason to be depressing myself over him. I always knew Frank wasn't coming back. He probably doesn't think about me anyway.

He's probably moved on and has a boyfriend or a girlfriend better than me, smarter than me, more attractive than me, and more lovable than me. And if that's what's going on in Franks life, than I'm happy for him, he deserves to be happy. Even though he probably has no feelings whatsoever left for me, I still want him to be happy and have a good life.

And I'm pretty sure I've moved on, it was just that hearing someone else say his name around me was too soon. I don't have strong feelings for Frank anymore, It's done and it's over. And he's never going to come back to me anyway, so what's the point?

And to be honest, I was just a love sick teenager who really honestly thought he was going to be in a relationship forever. But that's when reality strikes like lightening and things change. It changes people, it changed me. But the memories will always be there, and I regret letting myself fall in love with him, because I have no love left.

I was obsessive, and I shouldn't have been. I let myself get caught up in everything and I believed that I really found that special person and my dreams had come true. But now that I'm more mature, I see that I wasted my time.

Frank was a mistake.

Notes

dammit