I Still Think You're Beautiful

As soon as he hangs up, I call him back again. He answers immediatly, not hesitating to speak first, "Gerard stop fucking-"

"Just tell me why and I'll never talk to you ever again." I choke out, denying the sobs that want to escape my body. "I promise Frank." He's silent for awhile and the only thing I can hear is his attempts to quiet down his crying. After a moment, he contains himself and clears his throat. "I never ment for last night to happen..." He barely whispers. I don't say anything.
Frank takes another breathe and continues to speak, "I-I came over to tell you t-that...that I was leaving." I listen silently, holding one of the gloves he left in my hand. "Gerard, I just have to get away-"

"You could have just told me to leave you alone."

"Gerard," He sobs, "It's not just you, it's everything. Between school and m-my dad, I just can't do it anymore. I told myself over and over again last night to not let anything happen but...when I saw you...I couldn't fucking stop myself. You just keep fucking reeling me in and you do it so well...there's just something about you..."

I still don't say anything, I don't even feel like crying anymore. I just wanna sleep, and forget about this.

"I don't want to leave you...I never have." Frank continues, his voice shaking, "But I need time to clear my mind and get my shit together, and never no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get it right. Everything moved so fast with you...and I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. You were the light in my life."

That word rings in my ears, 'were'...

"Where are you going?" I say bluntly as I slide the glove onto my hand.

"California."

I shake my head, "How the hell are you gonna do that?"

"I have people that can get me there..." He sighs, his voice still weak. "I know I'm only 16 now but...I think i can do it."

I don't say anything after that. I lay back down on the bed and let my body sink into matress, listening to Frank breathe through the phone. It goes on for awhile before I whisper, "I'm gonna sleep then..." I'm about to hang up when Franks replies, "I'll stay on the line until you fall asleep..."

I sigh and say, "You don't have too. I mean, we're not even togther anymore, are we?" Frank is silent for moment, "If...If I ever come back...I'll try to find you. I promise. I love you Gerard." He answers and I can hear how hard he's crying and it hurts my heart, making me wish I could be there with him and just hug him and tell him I love him more than anything. But I can't.

"I love you too Frankie." I whisper back, "I'll always remember you, and I'll always be here. I promise." That's when I can't hold it back anymore, I burst into tears, letting out silent and breathy sobs as Frank does the same on the other end. "Bye Gerard..." He finally sniffs, and before I can answer, he hangs up.

I stare up at the ceiling as my heart burns and my body starts to ache. I think about all the things we could've done if he stayed. I had always imagined him staying with me for Christmas and going up to New York for New Years Eve. I had always dreamed of him being my valentine and staying with me, making me feel at least the tiniest bit loved. But most of all, I always had the fantasies of us going to Prom togther and graduating hand in hand. And I actually had a little hope that it would all actually happen...and we could be happy.

But that's me. Always getting my hopes up and expecting the best, but always getting the worst. The just my life summed up in one sentence.

I lay there and think of Frank's smile, the way he walked, the way his eyes shined in the light. I remember all the crazy thing he did, he never thought about he just went with it. Everything he said, everything he did, everything he touched. He's always there, he's just everywhere. Every little thing reminds me of him, and it hurts so bad. I just love the way he is, everything he is, anything he ever will be. I'll still love him, I'll never stop. Even if I'm married and have three kids, he'll always be in the back of my mind. You just can't forget someone like him.

I pick my phone back up and open my camera roll, I begin to scroll through all the pictures of him. There's so many, ones of him sleeping, him smiling, him laughing. My heart breaks to pieces when I find a picture of me and him. It showed me smiling as Frank hugged his arms around my neck from behind as he kissed my cheek, smiles on both our faces.

And that's when reality hits me like a train.

I'll never have anything that special ever again, I'll never meet anyone as amazing as Frank. He's just too perfect, and too amazing. And he deserved better than me. But he still chose to stay with me, and the confuses the shit out of me. But it's over now, and I'll wait for him forever. Until the ends of the earth.

Notes

does this even make sense? and yeah I know, it seems like and ending, but nah.