I Still Think You're Beautiful

After that, I go home. I don't even try to find Frank. Mostly because he's right, It does always seem like I'm lying. If I were him, I would break up with me. I truly deserve it.

When I get home the door is locked and I don't have my fucking keys, so I knock, knowing that Mikey is still home. I wait for a few minutes until he answers the door, he pushes it open slowly and stares blankly at me when he realizes who I am. "Hi Mikes." I sigh. Mikey still stares at me and adjusts the blanket he has wrapped around his body, "Why are you home?" He asks bluntly and I step in. I close the door behind me and answer, "I...I just...I don't wanna talk about it." Mikey's face is expressionless. He shakes his head and trudges to the couch, he lets himself fall back and hits the couch with a loud groan.

I lock the door with shaky hands then sit down by Mikey's feet. He has the Tv turned on and he's watching Adventure Time, but the volume is muted. His eyes stare up at the ceiling and he exhales loudly, "You fucked up again, didn't you?" He says. "You're fucking heart broken as hell, huh Gee?"

I turn my head toward him, "H-how did y-you k-know?" I stutter and drum my fingers on sofa cushions. Mikey laughs, but it's not really a laugh, it's more of a 'hmph.' He sits up and lets his feet land in my lap, "Maybe I know because Frank called me and he was completely hysterical. He was carrying on about how much he loves you and all that shit, then he fucking tells me that you were paid to take his fucking virginity. " Mikey glares deeply at me, "You sneaky little shit, you just can't stop yourself can you? I'm not even sure if I can fix this- hell! Why the fuck am I fixing YOUR relationship? I'm always there to pick up the pieces while sit there and don't do shit!"

"Mikey, how the fuck do you even know if I was paid or not?" I yell, I rise to my feet and glare back down at him, "I'm not that fucking low! Yeah, I screw up alot, but taking someone's virginity for money? That's low even for me! Why does everyone think that I don't love him? Because I faked liking girls and all of the sudden started dating some fucking sad emo kid-?"
"If you loved him you would call him a 'fucking sad emo kid...'" Mikey yells back and throws the blanket off his legs, "How about you think before you say things, huh? Maybe if you did, you wouldn't be in such deep shit with Jared and all the other fucking popular kids! You're digging your own fucking grave Gerard! Because you know what? Frank is going to end up DEAD! Why can't you get that through your thick skull? HE'S UNSTABLE! Dahvie and Mason will fucking RUIN him!"

"Do you not think I know that?" I scream, "Who the fuck do think told Frank that I was paid to date him, huh? Who do you think told him that I cheated on him with my best friend? Who do you think told him that I'm some whore that dates whoever I can get my hands on?"
Mikey goes silent. I go silent. The whole house goes silent. Mikey rubs his now red eyes and I realize he's crying, "Gerard, just please don't let him die. Okay? He's special, and he's so fucking talented. He needs you, and It's clear that you need him."

I nod and run my fingers through my hair, "I don't know what to do now Mikey." I choke out as tears begin to run down my cheeks. Mikey opens his arms and I fall back onto the couch and into his embrace. His arms tighten around me and I feel pathetic letting my little brother comfort me. I'm just lucky to have Mikey, I wouldn't ask for anybody else to be in my family. He's my real best friend.

"His birthday Gerard, don't even wait until Friday." Mikey whispers, "Do something special, something amazing. I hear he likes black roses and guitars." I nod and Mikey rubs my shoulder. Now I know exactly what to do.

After Mikey lets go of me, I rush down to my room and grab my wallet, my car keys and my jacket that still smells like Frank. I check my phone quickly and there's a missed call from Jared, I ignore it and run back upstairs. I walk passed Mikey and thank him for helping me and he just nods. I leave the house and climb into the car, almost dropping the keys in the process.

I think back to when Frank and I were at the mall the other day and when we passed the music. His eye literally lit up when he saw this guitar in the window, its was a really beautiful guitar. It was white and has the word 'BELA' on it in shiny letters. I don't know I didn't think of getting it before, it just made him so happy.

When I get to the mall, I find a parking spot as fast as I can and literally sprint to the music store. Since it's a school day, the only people even in the mall are old guys and adults. Like even Hot Topic is dead. Thankfully, the guitar is still in the store.



An hour later, I'm driving home with the guitar in the backseat along with a bouqet of black roses and a card. I check the time and school is supposed to be out in 20 minutes, which gives me enough time to write in the card and drive to Frank's house. I stop at a redlight and realize that there is a 35% chance that Frank will forgive me and spare my heart. I drive silently, the radio turned off as I sob quietly under my breathe. I can't loose Frank, I just fucking can't...

I pull up in front of his house and grab the card I got him, I search through the glove compartment for a pen and start writing:

'Frank,


I know that you probably won't accept my apology, no matter how many times I say sorry. I
just love you so much baby, and even the thought of loosing you breaks my heart. I need
you in my life, I'm just so blinded by you. And the first time I met you, it was just like something clicked and I could tell you were the one. I know I'm a pathetic asshole and possibly the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends, but I just want you to believe me, I love you. I'll say it a million times if I have to, and I'd understand if you didn't say it back. It's only been about 4 and a half hours since we fought, but I'm already dead iniside. I know it seems like I'm desperate because I apologised this quick, and maybe that's true. I just want you, I need you Frank. I love you and you only, and I would never do anything for money, I love you for you. I just hope and pray that you'll at least call me after you get this...I love you, don't ever think that I don't.


-Gerard'

I stick the card in the envelope and jump out of the car. I open the backseat door quickly and pull out the guitar case and the roses, being careful not to ruin them. I run up to Frank's porch and set the guitar down in front of the door, I place the roses on top next to the card and sigh, hoping that it's good enough. I spent 950 bucks today, but it still doesn't feel like enough.

I scurry back to my car and pull out my phone and text Frank;

To Frank<3 4:13 PM

I hope it's enough. I love you


From Frank<3 4:14 PM

What?


I drive away as I see Frank walking up the street in the distance, hoping and praying that everything will be okay. I'm half way home when my phone vibrates, I pick it up and read the text message from Frank:

From Frank<3 4:17 PM

Gerard what the fuck!


From Frank<3 4:18 PM

Oh my god Gerard, I love you too. Jared came up to me and told me everything after you left and I'm so fucking sorry...I can't fucking believe that I actually thought what he said was true, I sorry I didn't trust you. I can't believe you got me a fucking Les Paul, I love you so much.

Notes

bleh, I don't like this chapter. blehhhh.