I Still Think You're Beautiful

The next morning I wake up sad. My heart hurts, my stomach hurts, my whole body hurts. I've never felt anything like this before....

I lay in bed and stare up the ceiling as my eyes begin to water, deciding whether or not to go to school today. If I go, I'll see Frank of course, he sits next to me in every single class. And if I see him, I'll probably just burst into tears.

I turn my head and notice wet spots on my pillow and realize that I actually am crying. I really screwed up this time, never have I felt this bad or this broken. It's worse than what I felt with Dahvie. And god only knows what Frank has done to himself. Oh god, what if I made him hurt himself? I'd feel so guilty and I would never be able to live with myself.

I roll out of bed and check the time, it's 7:00 am. I should be almost ready to walk out the door and get to school, but I've decided that I'm not going. Even if I miss the rest of exams. I feel disgusting as I walk up the stairs from the basement. I'm still in my clothes from yesterday. After Frank left, I sat there on the porch for about an hour just crying, then I came back in and just fell into bed, falling asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

When I get upstairs the scent of coffee hits me and makes me feel warm and happy. When I get into the kitchen I find Mikey leaning against the counter, his phone in his hands as he texts. "Hi." I croak out. I cringe when I hear how different and worn my voice sounds.

"What happened to you?" Mikey asks when he looks up from his phone. His eyes turn from the normal sarcastic look to a concerned and worried expression.

"F-frank." I answer, holding back tears as he hands me a cup of coffee. I take a slow sip and my stomach suddenly feels queasy and shaken

Mikey nods suddenly and looks away from me, "I herd you guys fighting....you said some pretty harsh stuff Gerard. Do you know how bad that's going to affect him? He not completely stable-"

"Yeah I know." I snap, scowling at him. His face drops slightly and he looks back down at his phone. A few moments of silence pass before Mikey breaks it, "You need to apologize and make sure he's okay. You know this is your fault, Frank had a reason to say the things he did. He was just going by what people told him., and you and I both know that 95 percent of it was true..."

I don't answer him. The room goes silent for a awhile until Mikey's phone rings obnoxiously, he answers it and looks me directly in the eye, sending chills up my spine. "Hey Frank," He says softly and continues to stare into my soul, "Yeah are you okay?......Yeah he's not doing so good either, he needs you.....I know what he did was bad but-......Okay, sounds good. Bye Frank."

Mikey shuts off his phone and shoves it into his pocket, he grabs his school bag and stares blankly at me. Before he walks out the door he leans in close to my face and whispers, I just fucking saved your realtionship. He's coming over after school."

My heart stops and before I actually thank him, he's already out the door.I stand there in disbelief. I honestly thought I'd lost Frank forever, and now there's actually a possibility ill have him back. And it's only been less the 24 hours. And for once, I'm actually kinda happy that I have Mikey for a brother,


⚪⚫⚪


I spend all day pretty much just watching movies and eating a bunch of random junk food. And I even catch up on a but of homework, which is something I never do. For language arts, were supposed to be thinking about what kind of project we want to do on Romeo and Juliet. We need to have partners, and so far, I don't have one.

About and hour before school is supposed to let out, I take a shower and make myself presentable. By time I finish, there's about 10 minutes before Mikey usually gets home. While I wait, I sprawl out on the couch and watch Spongebob, because you're never too old for Spongebob. I'm entertained by the Tv until my phone vibrates in my pocket and I see that I've got a text from Mikey.


From Mikey Fucking Way:

Frank is with me. This isn't looking too good


To Mikey Fucking Way:

What do you mean?!? is he okay?!?


After that, Mikey doesn't text me back. I sit on the couch as my muscles tense and my palms start to sweat. What does he mean it isn't looking good? I silently hope and pray that Frank hasn't done anything to himself and that everything is okay. But deep down inside, I know that nothing is okay.

A few more minutes pass until I hear the front door open. I immediately jump up and rush to the sounds of muffled voices, both being very familiar. When I reach Mikey and Frank I have to try really hard not to let the tars threatening to leave my eyes escape. Frank looks completely broken and defeated, I can't even explain it. His eyes look sad and tired, he's way more pale than usual, and his overall appearance just seemed more depressing and sad.

I make eye contact with Mikey who glares at me and shakes his head in disappointment. My heart sinks as Mikey pats Franks back and whispers something in his ear. Frank nods and looks over at me, his eyes skimming around my body. After a minute, Mikey steps away and gives me a look before leaving the room, leaving just me and Frank. I stare into his eyes and his face turns a pale red. I reach forward and grab his wrist gently, guiding him downstairs to my room.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and pull Frank down next to me. We sit in a tense silence, just staring at each other until I say, "Frank, baby, I need to explain to you." He doesn't answer but he keeps staring at me. I take a deep breathe and reach down for his hand, he lets me twine out fingers together as Begin talking. "I never wanted this to happen...I promise. But Jared was so hurt and he told me he loved me....so I just let him kiss me. And I feel so guilty and-"

"It hurt Gerard, what you said." Frank interrupts, his eyes tearing up as he speaks. I sigh and squeeze his hand, "Frank you know I didn't mean any of that-"

"Or did you? Because you sounded pretty damn serious." He snaps back

"No I didn't! Okay?!? I felt so bad and so disgusting for what I said that I was literally about to jump out the window! My whole body was hurting and I could barely fucking move, let alone breathe properly. It's like my body needs you to survive, I just need you Frankie." When I finish I ignore the tears streaming down my face. Franks eyes widen and he drops my hand.

"Gerard I-I..." He grabs his and lets it drop into his lap. My heart stops and I look at him, more fears falling from my eye and dripping down into the bed. I grab Frank wrist gently and he looks away from me, shutting his eyes tightly. I lean forward and kiss the corner his mouth and he relaxes a little. I slowly roll up his left sleeve, I turn his wrist over when I have it pushed by his elbow and suddenly, I feel like Im going to throw up.

His arm isn't too bad, but it not good. Like Mikey said. "Frank I-" I begin to say, but I'm cut off by a sob. I look down at the cuts on his arm, there's 11. Frank slowly turns his head and opens his eyes, "Im sorry..." He whispers. I drops his wrist gently and pull him up into my lap, his head laid againist my chest. I hold him tightly as he sobs, a few silent tears falling from my eyes along with him.

"Gerard..." He chokes out.

"What my love?" I ask and kiss his forehead.

"Please don't leave me...please I need you. Please." He begs quietly.

"Im never going to leave you, I love you Frank..."

"I love you too Gee."

Franks crying slows a little and I hold him until he falls asleep, which doesn't take long. He sleeps alot for some reason. I kiss his forehead and carefully lay him down on the bed, then I take his shoes off gently so he doesn't wake up. He stirs a little and curls up on his side, I smile at how cute he looks and lay down next him. I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him close to me.

I try to sleep too, but I just can't. I frown as I stare at Franks face, the image of his arms burned inside my head.

Notes

*bangs head against wall*