Forget About The Dirty Looks.

Frank's POV
Everything hurts. I've tried to not let on to anything, but shit, everything fucking hurts. They've given me minimal pain relief in hopes my liver will start to heal a bit. Things aren't looking good, but they haven't started any treatments yet. They start today.
My pain has been dulled slightly by the pure happiness running through me at the fact I'm now engaged. I'm engaged. Holy shit, it doesn't seem real.
I haven't seen him yet today, but it is only twelve o'clock, he probably hasn't even woken up yet. I only woke up an hour ago, the pain woke me up. I'd still be asleep if it were up to me.
Apparently, they're going to put me on dialysis until my new kidney starts to work properly, which could take several months. Things are looking good for that though, the doctors say it shouldn't be long before it is. My liver, however, is not going as well. They can't find a donor, the thing is failing faster than you can say 'shit', and if I don't get one, and quick, I will die.
A few days ago, I would have jumped for joy upon hearing that, but now I'm engaged, and not to just anybody, but to Gerard. I don't want to die. I never want to die, I never want to even think about dying, never again.
I don't know anything about how to treat a failing liver, but my doctor said he is going to explain it all today. It's daunting, what if I have to go through another surgery? That would make it four in less than seven days. It would probably set a world record or something. I haven't looked in a mirror or anything yet, but I can feel the effects all this has had on me.
I'm exhausted, all the time, I get throbbing headaches, I ache all over, and every time I move a jolt of pain goes through me, making me want to cry. Yesterday, I put on a brave face, not wanting to ruin what me and Gerard were feeling. Today, I can be as miserable as I want. I probably won't see Gerard today, the only people I'll see are nurses and a doctor or two. I don't care what they think.
My eyelids start to get heavy, I didn't get that much sleep last night, Gerard wasn't told to leave until around midnight, but then I was too happy to sleep, so I probably stayed up until around four o'clock.
I keep getting confused, like when I wake up sometimes it takes me around ten minutes for me to realize everything that's happened and know where I am. I'm also constantly tired and I bleed really easily. I caught my knuckle on the table yesterday and it bled for around twenty minutes. I've kept as still as possible since then, not wanting to bleed out before I can marry Gerard.
My eyelids flutter closed, my mind calming down and letting me sleep, when the door opens. My eyes jolt open and my heartbeat gets faster, the door opening scared me a little. I focus my eyes on my visitor, lazily. It's a doctor. I've had so many now, I haven't even bothered to ask his name. He seems okay, though. He notices the rate of the beeps and smiles at me apologetically. I scowl back at him, annoyed at being torn from my slumber.
"Sorry, Frank. It's time to discuss treatments, so look lively!" He smiles at me, coming to sit on the chair placed by my bed. I groan, not knowing how long this will take, not knowing when I can finally go to sleep. He pulls a little book out of pocket and opens it, reading through the page. He hums a few times then places it back into his pocket.
"Okay, so I understand that it's been three days since the incident with the pills?" I nod at him, not being able to muster the energy to speak. He nods back, his eyes narrowing with thought.
"I'm afraid we've left it too late for us to be able to try and stop the damage caused by them." I could have told him that, I'm not stupid. I nod again, crossing my arms.
"That was probably our only option for treatment. The liver is too damaged to remove the damaged parts of it, you haven't had a virus, so we can't treat this with antibiotics, and we can't reverse the effects of the drugs." There's seriously nothing else they can do? Wow...
"So, basically, what you're telling me is that I'm a dead man walking? You haven't been able to find a donor, have you?" My tone is accusatory, my eyes narrowing.
"No, of course not. You aren't going to die, we'll make sure of that." Yeah, okay. Guilt plays in his eyes, letting me know the lies behind his words.
"I'm getting worse everyday. It won't be a donor I'll need, soon it will be a miracle." He looks at me, and sighs, shaking his head.
"Yes, okay. You are getting worse. If we don't sort this, you will continue to get worse, I know. We simply can't pull a brand new liver out of the air, though, can we?" I shake my head at him.
"I know that. But, what's going to happen if you can't get the liver? Say in a week and a half, what will be my condition?" He looks up slightly. It's silent for a minute and then he finally breaks the silence.
"You will be fighting for your life at that point, Frank. I'm not going to sugar-coat it. I'll give you... two weeks, maybe add an extra five days on to that. That's why we're doing everything in our power to get you that liver. You aren't going down without a fight, Frank." His words are harsh, but I oddly find comfort in that. I need the truth, not the half truthful lies, I need the facts. I need to know how long I have left if they can't find me a liver.
"Thank you, doctor. If you can get me a liver, when would it be too late to do a transplant and have it successful?" I sound strong, something I wouldn't expect considering I've just been told I could be dead within two weeks.
"I'd say a week and a half. We could probably push you to two weeks, if you're lucky." I nod, I need a new liver in me within ten to fourteen days. If that doesn't happen, I'm dead.
"How ill would I be? Will I still be able to walk around? Or, will I be immobile?"
"You won't be able to walk. You will be in lots of pain, Frank. Unless we shorten your time by giving you more pills, you will not really be moving around much." I nod, thinking if there's anything else I want to know. A question pops into my head, making me smile.
"Do you allow weddings here?" My question changes the conversation from a morbid one to a slightly more happier one. The tense atmosphere changes almost immediately, but the doctor is slightly taken back by it.
"Um... I don't know... I think so.." He thinks for a minute before standing up.
"I'll go and check for you." He smiles at me, I smile back, a genuine one. He walks out of the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. He's back no more than five minutes later, beaming happily.
"Yes, we do. I'm guessing this is for you and your boyfriend?" For once, I've met a doctor that doesn't turn his nose up at my sexuality. I beam at him proudly, nodding my head.
"Yes, it is," My smile dampens a little bit when I add the next part. "I want to do it as soon as possible. I might not have that long left..." He nods at me, smiling sympathetically. He moves so he's standing at the foot of my bed.
"I understand. I know what it feels like to be in this kind of situation," He talks stiffly, you could tell that he doesn't particularly want to talk about it "I can start the arrangements if you want? Call the priest, sort out the food...?" I nod at him enthusiastically.
"Wow, you'd actually do that?" He nods at me, smiling. I smile back, going to say something else, but his pager cuts me off.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'll speak to you soon about it, though.." I nod at him and he practically runs out of the room, closing the door behind him.
I'm going to get married soon. Like, maybe even this week. To Gerard. The thought makes my heart swell with pride and love. I can't wait, if I'm being honest. I love Gerard, so much, and the thought of being actually married to him makes me happy beyond words. Should I tell him, or keep it a secret? I decide that I should plan it secretly. It will be amazing seeing his face after he's been told.
I'm still smiling, half and hour later, when a nurse brings me some food. It's only a cheese sandwich, but it looks toxic. I force a smile at her and thank her while she's walking out. I try it but the taste makes me gag, so I put it to one side.
I'm not really very hungry, anyway. After the operation, Gerard managed to convince one of my nurses to let us order pizza. She caved in, and he ordered two. We ate them all, there wasn't even a slice left. It was great, just spending time with him with no worries about my father or my mom buzzing around my head.
Ever since I got out of there, I've strangely felt at peace. Sure, there's the grief of me losing my mom, and the slight twinge of guilt every time I think of my dad, but I feel better than I have in years, parent wise. It was very hard at first to come to terms with mom's death, and the weight of it will be with me forever, but it's a lot easier for me to think of it now.
Now the meeting's over, I can finally get some sleep. I lay my head down, trying to get comfortable without actually moving too much. I fail, the hospital bed making it impossible. But, I'm so tired that I don't think sleeping on a bed of nails would stop my eyes from closing and me from drifting to sleep.

When I wake up, I'm surrounded by people. I feel slightly panicked, and very confused. I stare at them, puzzled. I recognize Gerard, how could I forget him? I stare at the other faces, my brain slowly clicking the pieces in place. It's Mikey, Ray, Bob, and Donna.
I smile at them, finally able to recognize them. They smile back, slightly confused. Gerard comes and sits on the bed by me, grabbing my hand. He stares at the ring on my finger, a proud smile on his face. He looks up at me, adoration reflected in his eyes. He leans in, pecking my lips.
"Hi." He's still smiling at me, and I can't help but smile back.
"Hey!" Well, I didn't sound way too excited at all... He smirks at me, making my cheeks tinge with red. I cough slightly and repeat my words, in a calmer way, making him laugh at me.
"Are you feeling okay?" His face has suddenly switched to a serious expression and he searches my face for any traces of pain and discomfort. I nod at him, smiling softly. I bring my other hand up and rub his forehead, trying to make the creases disappear.
"I'm good, Gerard. In fact, I'm fantastic!" His smile is back on his face, but the worry is still evident in his eyes.
"And why's that?" I smile at him, and brush my lips over his. I lift up my hand, showing him the ring, and then I kiss him properly. After a minute, somebody coughs, and I remember the other people in the room. Gerard pulls away, smirking at my red cheeks. I look around sheepishly, noting smirks on all of their faces, apart from Donna, who's looking at us lovingly.
"You two are so cute!" Donna's voice is in a higher pitch than usual. She rush over and pulls me into a hug, being careful not to jolt me too much.
"I'm glad you're okay, you gave us all a fright over these past few days!" A twinge of guilt makes me frown slightly, I'm not okay, not really. I have a failing liver, and within two weeks I could be dead. I fix my frown before anybody can notice and beam back at her. They all sit down in chairs, apart from Gerard, who's very happily sitting on the bed, his feet up.
We all stare at each other, taking in any differences that could have happened. I feel like I haven't spoke to Mikey, Bob, and Ray in years. I've missed them. I smile at everybody, they smile back.
"Congratulations, you two!" Ray is the first to speak, a huge smile on his face. His hair has gotten longer, the mass of curls seem to be swallowing his head.
"Thanks, Ray!" I smile at him.
"Yeah, congratulations. I never thought Gerard would get married, he used to bring home a different person every night..." Mikey's smirking, pleased by Gerard's reaction. Gerard's squirming in his seat, unhappy with what Mikey said.
"Shut up, Mikey!" We all chuckle at Gerard's defensive tone, all apart from Donna, who looks slightly disgusted.
"You wait until my best man's speech, Gerard. You're going to love it..." Mikey's smirk gets bigger, but Gerard's also smirking at him.
"Who says you're going to be a best man?" Mikey thinks for a minutes, but then shrugs, dropping the conversation because he knows he will be a best man, he's Gerard's brother.
"When will you be out, Frank?" I shrug, I honestly don't know the answer.
"Well, you've had the kidney transplant, what is stopping you?" Oh. They don't know the severity of what's wrong with me. I sigh, looking at all of them guiltily.
"My liver." My reply is simple, but tons of different emotions flash across the trio's faces. Mikey, Bob, and Ray all ask a question at once, all of them sounding similar.
"It's failing, too. I need a new one, they can't treat it or anything." Gerard's face drops as he hears the new information, and the other's faces still show slight confusion mixed with hurt.
"What? When will you get a new one?" I shrug, again not able to provide answers.
"I don't know. They've been looking, but they haven't found any eligible ones. It could be tomorrow, the next day..." I trail off, not like the next words that were going to slip out of my mouth. "Or never.." My voice is small and quiet, but they all hear me. The happy mood we were all in has disappeared, in it's place a somber atmosphere has came about.
"Oh." Ray seems to sum up what everybody else was thinking. Yeah, oh. I smile at everybody, trying to lift their spirits. I doesn't work, so we sit in silence, no-one knowing quite what to say to me.
After about ten minutes, Bob breaks the silence.
"How long have you got left if they can't find you one?" His voice is dull, and I gulp, my mouth suddenly going dry.
"The doctor said two weeks. Two and a half at the most." I glance at everybody, not wanting to even look at Gerard.
"Two weeks?" I don't have to look at him to picture his expression. His voice says it all, he's heartbroken. I nod at him, looking down at my hands.
"No..." His voice is little more than a whisper. "No.. No, no, no!" Now, he's shouting. His weight lifts from the bed and I hear something crash to the floor. I look up at him, my heart breaking. His chest is heaving and he's standing over a tipped over chair. He paces the floor, grabbing anything he can and throwing it.
"No!" He grabs an empty vase. "This isn't fucking fair! I.. I just fucking saved you!" He turns and faces me just as a tear drops to the floor. Any anger that he had leaves his body, you can literally see the sadness taking over. His shoulders slump, his eyes cloud over and he drops to the floor, his shoulders shaking. He keeps repeating the word 'no' over and over again. I can't watch this, he's literally breaking down. I glance at the others. They're all looking between the both of us, their faces filled with shock and grief. I look down at myself. I yank the IV out, and any other wires attached to me. I don't care about them, I need to somehow comfort Gerard.
I swing my legs out of the bed, wincing at the pain. Every move I make is filled with the thing I should be accustomed to, pain. I pull the blanket off me and sit on the edge of the bed for a second, catching my breath. I stand up, almost falling back down again. I catch my balance and then start walking towards him. It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.
When I reach him, I kneel down, trying my best to ignore the pain. I hug him, bringing him close to me. I basically drag him onto my knees, hugging him for dear life. He's still sobbing, his shoulders heaving. His arms wrap around my middle, not squeezing, though. Even in this state, he still makes sure he isn't hurting me.
We sit on the floor for ages. He's still crying, and occasionally tears drip onto his hair from my eyes. The other four haven't said a word, but I know they're all still in here, watching us. We sit until Gerard almost stops crying.
The pain is screaming at me, commanding me to go and get a drip of morphine and connect it to me. I pull Gerard away from me, just enough so I can see his face. His eyes are puffy and red. His cheeks are tear-stained and streaked with black, presumably from eyeliner. Apart from that, and the pained look in his eyes, you wouldn't be able to tell he'd just had a break down.
I wipe under his eyes and at his cheeks, getting rid of any tears. I then cup his cheek, stoking it with my thumb. I stare into his eyes, trying to tell him that it's going to be okay. His eyes fill with tears again, but he stops them from falling by wiping at them roughly. His lips move, as if he's talking but no words come out.
"It's not fair." His voice is hoarse and broken, even though he's speaking in what you could barely call a whisper.
"I know.." I pull him into a hug again, pain flaring through me. I gasp slightly and Gerard pulls away. His eye brows furrow and he looks at my face, taking in my pained expression. He stands up, helping me up. He helps me over to the bed, and he helps me get in.
The room is so silent you could hear a pin drop. It's like everybody has ceased breathing. Gerard lies next to me , his back pressed against my side. My arm is around him, my hand stroking his hair. I finally look at the others, seeing everyone of them staring at me with wide eyes and frowns on their faces. They're all speechless. I suppose I wouldn't know what to say to somebody that has a very high chance of not even living for another month. I smile at them, not knowing what else to do. It's either smile or cry, so I choose smiling. They don't smile back, they just sit and stare at me.
"Why are you so calm?" It's Gerard who breaks the silence, making everybody jump. I look down at him to find him staring at me. I shrug, trying to think of something to say to him.
"They could still find me a liver... I'm clinging onto that." The uncertainty in my voice is prominent, and I hope he doesn't pick up on it.
"How's that going? From your voice, I can tell it isn't going well." I sigh at him, and as I do, his face crumples.
"So... You have two weeks left? Then you... die." His voice breaks in numerous places, causing another crack in my heart every time it does. I nod my head at him.
"I'm afraid so, Gee." I'm really struggling to hold in my tears, and my voice breaks as well. He stares at me for a minute, his eyes dull. Then, he nods and smiles at me the best he can.
"We had better make it the best two weeks of your life then, hadn't we?" The smiles slips, and tears fall again. He mutters things to himself, his head dropping onto the pillow. He then suddenly sits up, tear stains once again on his cheeks. He looks at me, and the others. His eyes are wild and wide.
"I've got to go see somebody, I'll be back in a minute.." I look at him confusedly.
"Who are you going to see? You can't just run off!" He smiles halfheartedly at me and gets up.
"I won't be off hospital grounds, I promise." He runs out before I can say anything against him, leaving the five of us siting there and wondering what the hell he's up to.

Notes

I'll try and put another one up today..xo