Forget About The Dirty Looks.

Gerard's POV
We sit in silence for a while, me occasionally muttering something stupid in hopes of changing Frank's facial expression in any kind of way. He doesn't respond in anyway, he stays emotionless. I give up, sitting back in my chair. I need to get through to him somehow, I can't just let him bottle everything up.
"Frankie?" He nods, so slightly I barely see anything. I need to say something to shock him, to get him talking... "I want to marry you." I say the first thing that pops into my head, making mine and Frank's eyes widen simultaneously. He slowly turns his head to look at me. He then furrows his eyebrows, like he doesn't understand.
"Why?" It's barely even a question, more like a statement. I shrug at him, trying to formulate an answer.
"Why not?" He laughs at me, not even believing me in the slightest.
"Seriously, Gerard? Why would you want to marry me? I'm fucking messed up." Finally, some emotion, even if he sounds pretty pissed off.
"I think you're fucking beautiful. There's nobody else I would want to marry. I love you, Frankie." He stares at me, his eyes still wide. There's a hint of a smile, threatening to curl his lips.
"How about it? I'll buy the rings, you buy whatever the fuck else we need.." I'm smiling, imagining our wedding. Frank snorts and shakes his head.
"You're crazy. If I were you, I'd run far, far away. I took pleasure in brutally stabbing my own father to death, Gerard. If you think that's husband material, carry on. I won't stop you..." The ghost smile has disappeared, replaced by his serious face.
"Good. As soon as you're out, we'll get hitched. You can even choose where, if you want." I smile at him, making it more of a smirk. He looks me in the eyes, his face breaking into a smile that I've missed after a minute.
"Fine. We can get married... in... in.. your backyard." I nod at him. This doesn't seem like a serious conversation, I feel like I'm dreaming. Marriage? I suddenly chuckle, not able to contain it. He looks at me, slightly amused.
"What? Are you not being serious, Mr Way? This is our future we're talking about!" He tries to sound stern but fails, a chuckle of his own escaping.
"Honestly, Frankie, I have no idea what I'm laughing at.." I stop laughing, looking him in the eye.
"Are you serious? Like, we can actually get married?" I sound excited, my voice reflecting my emotions. He nods at me, a loving smile on his face. Suddenly, his face drops, making me confused.
"I should tell you a few things, Gerard, and then you can decide if you still want to marry me..." He's frowning, not looking at me. I reach out and grab his hand, sensing he'll need some comfort. He smiles slightly at me hand, his gripping mine tightly.
"Uh... It felt good murdering my dad," He takes a deep breath and releases it. "I stabbed him either fourteen or fifteen times and then burnt the house down while he was still alive. I laughed at his screams of pain..." He's saying these things like he's reading off a script. He looks at me, searching my face. I smile at him, reassuring him that I don't care. He smiles back slightly, but it doesn't reach his eyes. I graze my thumb over his knuckles softly, hoping to make him relax a bit.
"I think about dying everyday. I have for a long time. It got easier when I met you.. You make me forget. It's not even me causing myself to die, I fantasize about being ran over, murdered, accidental death. I just kind of, really, want to die, I guess." He shrugs nonchalantly, but the look in his eyes breaks my heart. They feature the utmost pain, completely distressed. I reach out my other hand and stroke his cheek, trying to comfort him. It isn't really working. I sit down carefully on his bed and lie down next to him. He's so small, there could be two extra people in here, and they'd fit comfortably. I wrap an arm around his shoulder, careful not to jolt him and he leans into me.
I don't want to hurt him anymore than he's hurting already.
"You still want to marry me?" His voice is kind of muffled, but I can hear him.
"More than ever, Frankie." I can feel him smile, and I smile.
"That just makes me want to leave this dump more than ever, Gee." He looks up at me and I kiss him. It's short, but perfect. Like him...
We say nothing after that, we just enjoy each other's company. We don't need to talk. I still have my arm around him, he still has his face buried into my neck. He takes really deep breaths every now and again, I think he's smelling me. Every time he does, I smile at him. He can't see me, but I think he can tell somehow, because he's trying to do it inconspicuously now. That makes me smile even harder.
A nurse walks in. This hospital seem to have an endless supply of nurses. I think I've seen the same nurse twice, that's it. She smiles at us.
"Who's this then, Frank?" He jumps slightly at the voice, not realizing that another person was in here. He pulls away from our embrace slightly so he can see the woman. He smiles at her.
"Hi, Jackie. This is Gerard, my boyfriend." Shall I correct him? Yes, I shall.
"Actually, I'm his fiancée." I smile down at Frank, hoping that he's okay with me telling her. He smiles back at me, his smile as big as mine.
"Really? Oh, how lovely!" She smiles at us again, standing beside the bed. "Oh, I almost forgot! They've found you a kidney, Frank. You were put on the emergency list, that's why you got one so fast," She smiles again. She's very... smiley. "The operating theater will be ready for you in fifteen minutes. I'll come back in... Shall we say, seven minutes? We can get you prepped and down there just in time, and you can spend some time with Gerard, okay?" She smiles, again, and Frank nods, worry clear in his eyes. I tighten my grip on his shoulder and start to brush my thumb over his knuckles again. He relaxes slightly, but his forehead is still creased and his mouth is still pulled into a frown.
"How long will it take?" His voice shakes, and it sounds small.
"It depends, sweetheart. It can last for several hours, but you'll be okay." He nods at her, she smiles one last time and then walks out, quietly closing the door behind her.
"Shit, Gerard, I'm freaking the fuck out." I turn his head so he's looking at me and look at him in the eyes.
"You'll be okay. Try not to stress too much, Frankie. You will be okay." I kiss his forehead, giving him a hug. He relaxes into me, sighing.
"It's just... The last operation didn't go so well, did it?" I tighten my grip, thinking back to his lifeless body, lying there on the table, blood dripping from his fingertips and dropping on the floor.
"This is different. That operation wasn't even supposed to happen. They're prepared now, they know what they're doing. You'll be okay, I promise." He nods his head, sighing again. For the remaining time, we just sit there like that. When she comes back in the room, with two other new nurse, I get off the bed and stand away from the bed. They prep him for surgery, knocking him out. Once they do that, I get one last hug and kiss in. He's still conscious, but barely.
"I love you, Frankie." He nods at me, not able to do anything else, but his mouth tries to mouth the words back to me after a minute. I smile down at him, watching as his eyes slip close and the grip on my hand goes limp.
I step back, biting back a few tears. I'm scared shitless. What if this is just a repeat performance from yesterday? Expect this time, for the grand finale, he dies, for real. As soon as he's out the door, I feel a strong desire to go and walk off a bridge. I don't know why, I just do.
I decide that I need to keep myself busy, but I have nothing to do. A few ideas pop into my head, but they all involve drugs or alcohol.
I wander aimlessly around the hallways, observing people. I spot a ring on somebody's finger and an idea of what to do springs to mind. I could go and buy the ring and plan a proposal.
It seems like a great idea, minus the fact that I'm completely broke.
My mom could lend me some money... I call her, basically begging her down the phone. She makes me tell her what it's for, and I do expecting her to say no straight away. Instead, she says yes and tells me to give her twenty minutes until her break and she'll come with me to help choose them.
When I end the call, I dance around like an idiot. People look at me like I'm crazy, but I couldn't give a single fuck. I'm so incredibly happy. No, I'm ecstatic. This feeling beats anything a drug could give me. I walk out of the hospital, a huge smile on my face, and wait outside for her.
I don't have to wait long, it seems I spent longer inside doing my weird moves than I thought. I run up to the car and practically throw myself in, the stupid grin on my face. Mom smiles at me, her face radiating happiness. I'm surprised by the way she's acting about this. I mean, I'm eighteen and I've just asked for a couple of hundred dollars to go and choose an engagement ring for my boyfriend. She's taking this pretty darn well.
"Congratulations, Gerard." I beam up at her, not speaking in fear that my voice will come out as a garbled, squeaky noise. She chuckles at me and drives off.
We reach the back quickly and I wait in the car while she goes and gets some money. She jogs back to the car, a smile still on her face. I get out, figuring we can walk to the jewelers from here. I bounce on my feet, still feeling high.
I basically run to it, my mom has to jog to keep up with me. I open the door harshly, scaring the two people in there. I mutter a sorry to them, and they give me dirty looks. I smile sheepishly at them, my cheeks turning a light pink. I look around the jewelry while I wait for them to finish up whatever they're doing.
I hear a slight cough and turn around, seeing the woman behind the counter staring at me with expectant eyes. Me and mom step forward and I rest my elbows on the counter. She slaps on a fake smile, looking like a maniac.
"Good afternoon, what can I do for you today?" I smile at her, too, making sure she can tell it's fake.
"I'm looking for an engagement ring, please." She nods and pulls out a key.
"We had some lovely shipments come in today. What's the width of her finger?" Her?
"Him." I correct her. Her eyebrows raise slightly and her smile morphs into a frown. A split second later, though, the frown is gone, replaced with the fake smile.
"Okay. What's the width of his finger?" Shit... I have no clue.
"I don't know..." I think for a second, then decide to go for one a little bit bigger than my finger."I think he's around the same size as mine, but go a bit bigger, just in case." She nods and sets about measuring my finger. She writes down the measurements and pulls out some jewelry cases.
There are so many rings. Different sizes, metals, colors. I don't know where to start, and look to my mom to help. She looks over the cases and points out a few, but I have a feeling Frankie won't like them. We eventually single out ten different rings, after about two million different questions and a whole hour has passed.
I study each ring carefully, also adding in the prices of each. Four of them are too expensive, so they get put back in the case. After another thirty minutes deciding which one, I finally choose a ring. We pay and walk out, and I swear I hear the woman sigh in relief.
The ring is plain and simple. It's silver, but the metal looks black. I had her engrave 'I Love You' on the inside of it, as well. I think he'll really like it.
We've been away from the hospital for almost two and a half hours. I still need to think of a good way to propose to him. He won't be able to leave the hospital, so I can't do anything overly romantic. Me and mom go sit in the car ad think about how I could do it. She said that I could get his room 'ready' for when he wakes up. What she means is go and buy some kind of flower, spread the petals everywhere, light a few candles or something and write a shitty poem. The idea of a poem gets me thinking, instead of a poem I could sing him a song. A really lovely song, like the one I sang him a while ago. After I do that, I could pop the question.
I ask mom if we can go home so I can grab my songbook. We get there and I search for it, finding it under a pile of clothes. How it got there, I'll never know.
I decide to sing 'Demolition Lovers' I know he's heard it already, but there's something about it that reminds me of our situation. I run through it a couple of times, trying to get it right A Capella. It sounds pretty good, if I do say so myself.
Three hours and fifteen minutes since we left the hospital, and everything's ready. I have the song all wrapped up, the ring is safe in my pocket. We get in the car, my mom more excited than me. I'm getting really, really nervous. My palms are sweating, I keep having to wipe them on my jeans. We get the hospital far too quickly. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I take a several deep breaths, and get out of the car. I walk unsteadily in, my mom behind me. She has her arms out like she's ready to catch me if I do actually pass out.
Nobody looks at us as we walk in, and we get in the elevator and head up to ICU. Is he out yet? Part of me hopes so, part of me hopes not. I ask about it at the information desk, my voice shaky. He smiles and says the operation went smoothly and he got out way quicker than they expected him to. He's been out of there for around ten minutes, he shouldn't be awake just yet.
Give it fifteen more minutes, he says, and he should come to. I smile at him and go to sit down. Mom's already there and she smiles at me and pats my knee.
After fifteen long minutes, I stand up, and make my way to his room. He isn't awake yet, but he's stirring slightly. I enter the room and close the door quietly behind me. I pat my pocket to check if the ring is still there. It is, thank goodness. I take a seat by his bed and try to wait patiently for him to wake up. I end up wanting to pinch him, just so he wakes up. I refrain from doing so, though.
Slowly but surely, his eyes open. They dart around the room and they find me. He smiles at me, I try to smile back but the nerves get the better of me, and I can't. Instead, I start to talk to him. It's nervous babble that doesn't mean anything at all. I then suddenly remember why I'm nervous and stand up. Frank, who's been silent, speaks for the first time.
"Don't go!" I smile at him and shake my head, clearing my throat. I take some deep breaths and start singing. At first, Frank's face is confused, but it soon turns loving. His eyes fill with tears during the song, and a few escape. I finish the song, feeling pretty emotional myself, and get out the box. I move closer to the bed and sit down.
"Frank Anthony Iero, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, wake up to see your beautiful face every morning. I want to be silly with you, I want to buy a house with you. But, most of all, I want to be with you, forever. I love you, I never got why it was such a big deal, but now I know. You are my world, Frankie, my everything. These past few days have made me realize that. Without you, I'm a shell. With you, I can be anything I want to be. I love you, Frankie, will you marry me?" I open the box and hand it to him. He doesn't take it, he's staring at me with an open mouth and wide, teary eyes. He stares at my face, to the box, and then back to my face again.
"Oh my God." He's still staring and his mouth barely moves when he speaks. I begin to worry about his answer.
"Well, will you?" My voice is soft and I take the ring out of the box and grab his hand, holding the ring out to it. He starts to smile then, it's small at first but gradually gets so big it must hurt. He nods.
"God, of fucking course, Gerard." He looks at me, happiness radiating out of everywhere. All the worry flies away, leaving, in it's place, a feeling of complete happiness. I slip the ring onto his finger, it fits perfectly. We stare at each other, both smiling until I hear a happy sounding sob coming from the doorway. We both look in that direction, and my mom is stood there, a tissue in hand , crying. I laugh at her, feeling overly ecstatic about everything. She has her camera in her hand, but it isn't switched on.
I feel a tug on my shirt, near to my throat, and I twist round to Frankie. He has the biggest smile on his face, and he tugs me down until my face is above his. I kiss him, softly.
"I love you." He whispers against my lips, making me kiss him again.
"I love you, too. More than you could imagine." I kiss him, harder this time, but I'm still extremely aware that he not long came out of surgery, so it's not as rough as we both would have liked. Still, it's enough, and we both pull away, breathless. We hear the click of a camera shutter and Frank goes red. I laugh and turn to look at mom. She's still crying, and the smile on her face is a proud, happy one.
"I need to go tell Mikey!" She takes one last photo and then runs out, laughing as she does. I chuckle at her behavior and turn back to Frank. I lean down again and we kiss, again. Once again, we both pull away breathless, and Frank wraps his arms around me.
"I love you, I love you, I love you!" I chuckle at him and kiss the top of his head.
"I love you, too, sugar." I smile to myself, overjoyed.
We both sit and enjoy the silence before mom comes in with everybody that lives in this town, telling them that we're getting married.
We're getting married.

Notes

I just, idek....
Hope you like it!xo