The Paper Kingdom

Chapter Three

“I guess I need to share my life story now.” Gerard mumbled. I still had some trouble making eye contact with him.

“I suppose.” I said quietly. Gerard tossed me my underwear from the side of the bed and I passed him his boxers, which were near where I was sitting. We were still mostly naked but I found at least covering his genetalia was really comforting. I found nudity, when it wasn’t matched with pleasure, awkward.

“So, uh. Lindsey. She’s Bandit, my daughter’s, mum. My brother, Mikey, he was pretty sociable as a young adult, and if it surprises you, I wasn’t. He had these two good friends, Ray and Frank. Ray was really strange but a very talented guitar player. Frank was really edgy, had shit tons of tattoos. I became pretty friendly with Frank, mostly cause I was really quiet and he never shut the fuck up. He was really into the Jersey punk-rock scene, knew all the good small bands and the bad small bands. He introduced me to Lindsey, she went by Lyn-Z and was pretty much way too good for me in every way shape and form. We had a few drinks, talked a bit. I think she thought I was gay but I mean I was an artist at the time so no big shock, everyone thought I was gay. I thought she was pretty beautiful. I didn’t see her for another four months but one day, I was on some drinking binge in my house and she rang the doorbell crying about how all guys were all assholes. I think this guy she was very attracted to used her for sex. She never cared to explain it to me.”

He took a breath. I summarized all that he had said in my mind, not seeing it as a worthwhile explanation. He must not be finished.

“We were chatting on my sofa and she was telling me about how all the best guys are gay and I told her that I was pretty good for a straight guy. The whole realization happened for her and we slept together. And it was unbelievably amazing, she was so good. But I’m guessing you don’t want to hear the extent of our sex life. We never dated, we slept together seven times, and she got pregnant. She said she couldn’t have an abortion and she said as long as I paid child support, she’d raise the kid on her own. Lindsey just didn’t want me to feel guilty. I called her out on bullshit and said I’d want to be a part in my kid’s life. We stopped sleeping together, acted more like friends who were having a kid.”

So they went from the best sex they’d ever had to friend-parents? I could never understand the want for children. I loved my brother but I wouldn’t have chose to have him on my own. Plus pregnancy must be an unbelievable inconvenience. And with all the smoking I do, my kid would have three heads.

“She passed, giving birth to Bandit. She got a cold while she was pregnant and it killed out her immune system. They were shocked that she could even give birth to Bandit. So I was a single dad, missed Lindsey. She wasn’t my wife or even my girlfriend but I did care about her tons so it was fucking awful.”

And then Gerard was crying. His crying fit him, in a depressing and sad way. It wasn’t melodramatic like Helene’s, or muted and sort of sounded more like choking then crying, like mine. He wasn’t embarrassed about crying, he was just slowly sobbing, tears streaming out of his hazel eyes.

Crying was a hard thing to help out with. You never know what they want, kind words (something I was quite awful at) or maybe a hug. That seemed easier.

I shuffled across the bed to where Gerard was sitting. I wrapped a goosebump covered arm over his shoulders, and leaned my head on his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry.” I kissed the small area between his shoulder and his neck. I didn’t mean to be overtly sexual with my actions. More to comfort him.

He turned his head to look at me, smiling at me. “You’re a sweetheart.”

I shushed him between kisses. “I’m making you feel better.” The kisses went on for a long time, giving me just as much comfort as him. Just to be close to someone, to do something for someone else instead of for myself, which is mostly my thought process in decision making.

“C’mon Juliet. The hickeys on my neck aren’t getting much darker than that.” He teased, and I pulled away, blushing a bit.

“Aw, don’t be embarrassed. I want a tour of the lovely Miss. Juliet Finn’s shocking large apartment for a nineteen year old.” Gerard said standing up. He extended his hand to me and I interlocked them, smiling a little.

We walked out of my lovely bland bedroom into the hallway.
“So talk me through everything?” He said analyzing everything he saw with his eyes. “It all looks familiar but unfamiliar.”

“Most of it is inspired by The Overlook.” I mumbled, looking at the carpets I’d spent so long trying to find online. I remember having to measure and cut them myself.

“What’s The Overlook?” He said, now that we reached the end of the hallway. He looked straight down it. “I totally know what this is from but I’ve completely forgot.”

“The Shining. Stanley Kubrick, real brilliant stuff.” He nodded, finally understanding the reference.

“Is that your favorite film?” He asked me, mocking my slight accent.

“No. But it’s up there. What’s yours?” I said, exaggerating an American accent.

“Star Wars.” He said, switching back to his original voice. Gerard smiled, thinking of good memories associated with the old sci fi classic, I couldn’t help but despise.

“Star Wars is boring.” I said, grabbing my small tobacco pipe, looking nice and shiny. I hadn’t smoked out of it in a while.

“Is that a crack pipe?” Gerard almost screamed.

I chuckled, and went through my wood dresser silently, noticing that the metal pipe did resemble a crack pipe.

I pulled out a small bag of tobacco. “Tobacco, you idiot.”

“Out of a pipe, what are you, a seventy year old man?”

I raised my eyebrows, ignoring him. I opened the bag and poured a miniscule amount into the pipe, before grabbing a pack of matches and lighting it.

“You’re weird.” Gerard said, staring at me.

“You knew that from the start.” I said before inhaling deeply, coughing a little. “Want?” I said, extending the pipe to him.

He took it reluctantly, re-lit it, and took a drag a lot lighter than mine.

Gerard blew the smoke in my face, and I rolled my eyes.

“I still want to show you my bathroom. It’s where I keep the things that would interest you.” I teased him. I needed to do something unlike myself.

“What do you think…” he muttered, not breaking eye contact. “would interest me?”

I smiled, moving closer to him and draping my arms over his body pulling us close together. “Weird things.”

I let go abruptly and walked up into the bathroom, that he had not yet seen. He followed behind and I showed him the masterpiece. The entire room was blood red with white cupboards. The mirror was a small round one, sitting in it’s black frame. I opened the cupboards and pulled things out.

“My bedroom is purely functional, so this where the fun is.”

Notes

sorry about the delay....

love you guys

-annie