Love Should Always Be Blind

April was here before I could blink. My birthday was in nine days. And like usual Frank and I couldn't seem to stop fighting. He got his acceptance letter in the mail, for Ohio State.
“So that's it? You're leaving. You're not even going to hear me out? You don't obviously care.” I cried, feeling tears stream down my face. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. Frank was going to leave me once high school was over.

“I do care, Gerard. Of course I do. But I can't not go!” He shouted back, frustrated.

“No you don't!” I fought, “What's the point anyways? We might as well break up now!” I sobbed dramatically.

“What?! No!” Frank demanded furiously, storming towards me and grabbing my shoulder. “We are not breaking up. Not now or ever. You understand?”

“It's going to happen eventually!” I shouted back, I wasn't afraid of him, “You're leaving and you're going to meet people while I stay here and rot!”

“DON'T TALK LIKE THAT!” Frank bellowed, shaking me

“DON'T TOUCH ME!” I howled, screaming in his face, while I yanked my shoulders back. Managing myself out of his grip I pulled back but at the same time, lost my balance. Falling to the floor, a thud sounded out in the room. We both were stunned into silence, but before we could react, the bedroom door swung open.

“What the fuck is going on in- Gerard!” Matt yelled. I could hear his footsteps running towards me, “What the fuck did you do to him? Did you hit him?” Matt snarled at Frank as he helped me to my shaking feet.

“This doesn't concern you!” Frank bit back.

“It does if you fucking touched my brother, you cunt!” Matt screeched, his voice menacing and far from the innocent Matte I was used to.

“I didn't fucking hit him, okay? I wouldn't ever touch Gerard like that.” Frank insisted

“Then why does it look like he was knocked down to the ground?” Matt challenged, keeping a protective grip on me.

“Because, he yanked himself out from me and lost his balance.” Frank explained through clenched teeth.

“Why the fuck was he yanking himself from you?!” Matt screamed causing me to flinch.

“We were just having a confrontation.” Frank sighed exasperated, trying to explain without it sounding bad. “It happens in relationships.”

“Fuck you. It seems more like a 'confrontation'.” Matt snapped.

“Then ask Gerard!” Frank growled, “Did I hit you?” He asked of me. I flinched, feeling both their expecting eyes on me. No. Frank did not hit me. But he had scared me a bit.

“No, Matt. He didn't hit me. It was my fault for falling.” I muttered, bowing my head.

“That's bullshit.” Matt called, “I don't believe either of you for a second.”

“That's your problem.” Frank sneered, “Now leave.”

“You're fucking crazy if you think I'm leaving Gee alone with you.” Matt snarled back.

“Please.” I tried gently, turning to Matt while he still held me to him, “It's okay. Frank didn't hurt me, I promise. Please just let us figure this out.” I pleaded.

“Yeah, leave.” Frank added. I whipped my head to his voice, glaring at him

“Frank, shut up.” I snapped, then turned back to Matt, “Please.” Matt sighed heavily

“Fine. For you Gee.” He caved, “But don't think I won't be telling Mom about this.” He threatened before letting me go and stomping out the room, but not before slamming the door behind him. I flinched at the sharp sound.

“Gee-” Frank began, once we were alone again, breaking the silence, his voice sounding as it were approaching me.

“Stop!” I spit at him, bringing up my hands, “You didn't hurt me, but I sure as Hell don't appreciate how aggressive you got.”

“I'm sorry.” He begged, his defense crumbling now that Matt had left.

“You keep saying that but I don't feel like you are.” I challenged. Frank was silent a moment.

“Gerard, please.” He pleaded, his voice chocked up, “I am. I am sorry. I love you, you know I do. I just don't like you talking like we're going to end up breaking up. I can't take that.”

“Then act like it.” I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest, maintaining my distance.

“I will. I promise. We can work this out.” Frank promised, sounding desperate. I sighed, already feeling myself crumble. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't stay mad at him.

“Fine.” I sighed again, exhaling out my nose. Frank sighed too, but in relief. I really think he thought I was going to break up with him then, and that made my heart ache. I wouldn't ever break up with Frankie, no matter how much I got upset with him. I might ignore him and yell at him, but I could never bring myself to end it. Frank walked towards me, wrapping his arms around me. I closed my eyes, letting my tears fall behind my eyelids. Frank kissed my temple; I sniffled in reply.

*****

Mom had a long talk with Frank and I after Matt told her he swore he thought Frank hit me. Mom talked with me first then Frank. Then both of us together. She said she didn't and wouldn't take domestic abuse lightly. That or tolerate it under any circumstances. We were honest and told her what really happened. What we said and how Frank took hold of my shoulder, shaking me. And how I jerked out of his grip, lost my balance and fell. And that's what Matt saw. Mom wasn't necessarily happy with the fact that Frank had shook me but said it wasn't hitting. She gave him a stern warning, reminding him, he was eighteen and that if he ever did hurt me she wouldn't hesitate to call he cops. And the same for me if I ever hit Frank. Then Mom reassured Matt that Frank didn't hit me. Matt wasn't satisfied but dropped it. Although not without casting Frank dirty looks, or so Frank told me. The whole situation was just plain annoying. Plus Mom proceeded to remind Frank and I, that one of our rules to date was to not bring our drama into family affairs. Although I think that rule was dumb. It was kinda impossible not to involve the family when we all lived under the same roof.

But that was what I'd been dealing with for the past few days. Frank and I had sort of silently agreed not to talk about college and school for now. I think Frank just didn't want to be fighting so close to my birthday. Which was a sweet gesture but our days were getting numbered and it made me sick to my stomach.

Instead however, we had to desperately start planning for prom. It was only in less than two weeks! Sarah was going to take me out to shop and try on suits. Frankie was going to go with Hambone and Neil and Shaun. He was still mad at Tim for hitting on me at the party we went to earlier. I think Bob was going to go too. That was another thing. Frank had been talking to Bob ever since the party. I mean I wasn't trying to be jealous but it did concern me. What would you think if your boyfriend was suddenly talking and hanging out with his ex? Yeah, that's what I thought. Frank insisted they were only friends though, when I asked him about it. Not wanting to have anything else to fight over, I decided to drop it. I'd pick and choose my battles. Or that's what I told myself.

Walking around the mall with Sarah, to shop for prom suits, made me feel nostalgic however. Back to where Frank and I met. Actually I don't think I'd been to the mall since that September... Sarah held my hand in hers, not wanting to lose me in the big scary mall. I couldn't help but be sarcastic still, if you didn't catch that part. I hated being treated like a child. But then again I knew Sarah only cared. In fact her and Frank had been getting along lately. I guess her and Matt traded places, because you know, I couldn't be so lucky to just have us all get along at once. Trying to set all drama aside, I did want to have a nice day with Sarah. We hadn't hung out in forever, just the two of us. If we did hangout there was always someone else there. Either Matt or Frank or both of them.

Walking through the mall, I could hear and smell all sorts of things. It was almost like an over-stimulation kind of thing. Like the Panic! At The Disco concert. I had to brace myself. All the aromas wafting from the food court; greasy pizza, sweet baked goods like cookies and cakes, tangy Chinese food, strong coffee, and smoky barbeque. Then all the chattering around me; coming at me from left, right, side ways, it was hard to differentiate between all the noises. High voices, low voices, voices with accents. Plus noises that weren't coming from people. Like music playing from the speakers up over head, the clanking of silverware by the food court, loud rhythmic footsteps of a million different feet. I felt like I was on drugs almost. Like speed or ACID or something. And as much as I hated to admit it, just the fact of holding Sarah's hand did help to keep me grounded. I focused instead of all the other stimulation, but on the softness of her hand, the unique firmness our fingers had linked together. The way the bones and joints fit together so perfectly. Like humans were designed to hold hands.

“Do you want to shop for suits first or eat first?” Sarah wondered, breaking me from my reverie.

“Uh.” I paused, still sort of lost in thought, “Let's shop first. Get it over with. Then we can look forward to eating.” I suggested. Sarah chuckled.

“I almost forgot how much you hate clothes shopping.” She stated.

“It's boring.” I muttered simply. Sarah chuckled again, leading me to where ever it was we had to go.

“Don't you at least like feeling all the different textures?” She tried to lighten me up.

“Yeah.” I shrugged, “But only for so long.”

“Okay, okay. Let's do this then.” She huffed lightly. Walking into the clothing store, I could already feel a shift in atmosphere. The sound dulled down drastically and it had it's own smell as apposed to a concoction of different ones, meshed together. The room smelled nice, like men's cologne.

“Hello.” A woman's cheery voice greeted us before we could get more than five steps in. “I'm Carrie. Do you need help with anything?”

“Yeah, actually we're looking for a suit for my brother. You know prom and all.” Sarah explained. I just nodded.

“Oh how exciting!” The associates lady, Carrie, exclaimed, “How about we get you fitted to start. Do you know the color of your dates dress? That way we can match it to your tie.”

“Well my boyfriend and I just decided to wear matching black ties.” I jumped in.

“Oh...Oh! Okay. In that case I think we have plenty of lovely black ties for you to pick out then.” The woman sang, always sounding way too happy. Sarah began to lead me into a new direction, probably following Carrie, while she continued talking. I wasn't paying attention much though...

“Gerard?” Sarah nudged me.

“What?” I jumped.

“She asked you if there was a specific style you wanted.” Sarah said, sounding a bit annoyed. She was used to me spacing out though.

“Oh, uhm...I don't have preference. You pick, Sarah.” I muttered. I seriously hated clothes shopping, it was such a drag. Like I can't see what I'm trying on yet everyone has to make big deal out of what I wear. Just give me a cool band tee-shirt and some skinny jeans. I'm sure I'll look just fine.

“Alright-y. Can you-?”

“Gerard.”

“Gerard, can you come stand up here?” Carrie asked. Up fuckin where?

“Uhm, he's blind.” Sarah but in, tugging up hand, guiding me up on some sort of platform.

“Oh, I'm so sorry.” The woman flustered, sounding like we just told her she killed our puppy.

“No, it's totally fine.” I reassured. People always get so upset. Like chill. You're not the reason
I'm blind. Sarah let go of my hand , though, once I'd managed my way up a few steps. Then I felt warm hands pull a fabric measuring tape around my waist. Then my hips, shoulder and butt, all while muttering the numbers aloud.

“Okay, now that I have you're measurements, what kind of style did you say you preferred? Peak, notch, or shawl? Thin lapel or wide? Thin would be better I think. And did you want a waistcoat? More modern or old fashioned? Vent or no vents? Black and white or color?” Carrie wondered, ranting off suit styles. Uh... I never knew there was so much to know about suits?

“Well black and white for starters...without vents.” Sarah jumped in for me, “And modern. Thin lapel...and lets' start with a peaked one.” She went on. I didn't care though, I trusted Sarah.

“What kind of black? A coal? Charcoal or like an off color gray?..” The woman pressed

“Whatever's the blackest thing you've got.” I said simply.

“Well...okay then. I'll be right back.” Carrie cheered, her sharp high heeled steps leaving us.

“How do you know all this stuff? I hardly knew half of what she was talking about.” I inquired, arching an eyebrow.

“Please. I've had my fair share of guy friends to help find suits. That and I did go to prom myself, remember? I had to help my date.” She explained matter of factually. I shrugged. I heard Sarah's soft footsteps approach the platform I was on and take my hand, leading me down. We stood there and talked nonsense for a few minutes before I heard those high heels coming back.

“So I grabbed a few, just to get a feel.” Carrie rushed, the sound of fabrics being moved around, filling my ears.

“Hmm. I like this one.” Sarah said; I could feel her moving around me. “Let's start with this...Did you want to change on your own Gee or did you want help?” She asked. I scrunched up my face not sure while feeling embarrassed at the same time. Like I knew how to dress myself but I wasn't sure I could do a suit. I'd never done it myself before. I remember wearing one for Dad's funeral but that was a long time ago and when I still had my eye sight.

“I...uh think I'll need help.” I muttered nervously.

“Okay. That's fine Gerard.” Sarah reassured, pulling my hand in another direction. We walked only but a few feet at most, then I heard a curtain being pulled back. We stepped forward and then the curtain was drawn back. I began to strip quickly. I wasn't embarrassed with the fact Sarah had to help me dress, she's done it plenty of times. Especially when I first went blind, she'd help me change or bathe when Mom wasn't there. I was embarrassed due to the sheer fact I couldn't do it on my own.

Sarah helped me tug and shove my limbs into the correct holes, feeling the sharp crisp fabric brush along my skin. And Sarah was right; I did like feeling the different fabrics, that was the one good thing I actually enjoyed about trying on clothes. All the complex feelings in such simple touches. The mere brush of my fingertips along a surface of clothing brought a rush I couldn't put into words. I mean I've never done Heroin but that's what I imagine it feeling like. Linen, wool, cotton, or flannel! I'll admit it was like a weird fetish I had, but hey! If I had to endure this shopping, I might as well enjoy the parts I liked. Once I'd buttoned and tied all the appropriate attire, Sarah and I walked out of the dressing room, pulling the chains of the changing curtains back.

“Ohhh! How handsome!” The sales lady cooed, making me cringe. Sarah helped me up on the platform again. They owed and awed both, making me twist and turn. It was nauseating. And I had to do this just about four times before Sarah felt satisfied. I almost felt like a Ken doll being dressed up. In the end however we chose a black and white suit, narrow lapels which was peaked, a black tie, two vents in the back. That and we picked a crisp cotton for me to wear the suit in; it absorbed sweat and would keep me cool which was good considering it was going to be April and I'd be dancing all night. Nonetheless it felt good to wear, fitting my body nice and comfortable; not too big not too tight though. Sarah was satisfied so I was too. Before I could change back out of the suit however, Sarah insisted she snap a few pictures of me in it to send to Frank.

“Isn't that bad luck?” I whined

“That's a wedding dummy.” Sarah sighed. I rolled my eyes but held still. After Sarah finally helped me change. Once back into my regular comfortable clothes, Sarah rang up the suit at the register. It was expensive but Sarah told me not to worry. It was my first and only prom. Plus David was helping to pay for it. While walking out of the store I thought the ordeal was finally over and we could go get food but I guess we needed shoes first.

“Can't we eat first? I'm starving!” I groaned, lagging behind from the sound of Sarah's voice.

“You're so dramatic. This will take two seconds.” She promised.

“That's what you say every time and it ends up taking forever.” I scowled. Sarah sighed.

“Fine. We'll take a break. Then shoes. Then we can leave, you baby.” She compromised. I smirked. Good. Sarah tugged me up further towards her just as her phone began to ring from her pocket. Mumbling curses under her breath she pulled it out pf its crevice.

“What?” She breathed into the phone. “Why?.. Whatever...You're so weird...” She went on,

“Here Gee. Frank wants to talk to you.” Sarah informed, handing the cell into my hand. Furrowing my eyebrows I brought the receiver to my ear.

“Hello?” I asked, as I smelt the smorgasbord of different foods infiltrate my nose.

“God, Gee! Why'd you send me those picture?!” He yelled his voice low. Tensing I thought I'd done something wrong. “You look so fuckin hot and I'm stuck with these fuck wits...” He went on, sounding like he was hitting someone or something in the background, followed by a shout of protest. I breathed out a sigh of relief. refilling it in with blood rushing towards my cheeks.

“Frankie.” I warned. “I'm busy too. And I didn't send those picture. Sarah did.”

“Well, then she's going to have to deal with what happens when you get home, her there or not.” He growled, causing me to involuntarily shiver.

“Frankie, stop. Not now.” I chastised, feeling incredibly embarrassed and turned on. Sarah could probably hear him, his voice coming from only not even but a foot away. “I'll see you soon.”

“Yeah, I better see you soon.” He threatened coyly, then proceeded to hang up. I hung up as well, still feeling my cheeks burn.

“Why're you blushing?” Sarah teased, while I handed her her phone back.

“Frank's being perverted like usual.” I muttered shyly.

“So pretty much Frank just being Frank.” Sarah laughed

“Haha, yeah.” I chuckled “And you seem to be surprisingly okay with that.” I pointed out

“Well...yeah.” She hummed, “I figured Frank's not as bad as I thought.”

“How'd you realize this? Even though it was like obvious the whole time.” I teased, nudging her shoulder. She giggled, nudging me back.

“Oh shut up! I've been stupid okay? I'll admit that.” She replied, “I guess I realized it when I saw how well he treated you with your whole episode. Not many people would react the way he did. I could see how much he really loved you.”

“So it took one of my embarrassing meltdowns to make you see this?” I muttered dryly.

“...I guess.” Sarah sighed, sounding ashamed. I sighed too,

“No, it's okay Sarah. I understand.” I offered squeezing her hand. She squeezed back.

“Thanks Gee.” She murmured.

“Now only if we can get Matt to behave.” I rolled my eyes.

“You're on your own with that.” She chuckled softly, “But first let's find something to eat.”
Sarah and I wondered through the food court, debating on what we should eat. All the smells mixing together made it hard to decide. Plus I was starving so I didn't want to make up my mind because I wanted to eat everything. Eventually we just decided to go to a small cafe where it was quiet and the food smelled delicious. Sarah and I ordered the same thing; chicken salad sandwiches on wheat bread and french fries. She got coke and I got diet, of course.

“So are you excited about summer?” Sarah asked, starting conversation once we'd been delivered our meals.

“Not really.” I shrugged, feeling bitter at the mere mention of summer and school ending.

“Why? You and Frank, you'll have the whole time to yourselves.” She pressed not understanding my dilemma.

“Because Frank's going to Ohio, remember. He'll be gone by July. And I'll be stuck here to rot while he's gone probably meeting new people.” I huffed, bowing my head

“Oh Gee...” She murmured, reaching across the table to take my hand, “Frank loves you. It's not like he's going to forget about you. And you're going to go to college. You're both going to be busy.”

“No I won't! I'm doing it online. My days are going to go back to how they were. Boring and lonely...I know I'm being selfish...but why doesn't he just want to stay with me?” I begged, starting off loud and ending up just sounding pathetic with tears swelling in my eyes.

“Honey, don't get upset. There's no need. And I can't answer that. You have to talk with Frank.” Sarah reasoned, rubbing her thumb over the back of my hand.

“I try. But it always just ends up in a fight.” I sighed shaking my head.

“Then perhaps you should take a break from trying to discus it. Then go back with clear heads.” She suggested. I sighed. Sarah always was the voice of reason.

“Okay.” I nodded, picking at my french fries with my free hands. “But enough about my drama. I don't want to talk about it anymore. What's been going on with you?” I wondered, realizing that I haven't heard much about her life lately, too wrapped up selfishly in my own.

“Not too much. Y'know school's always a killer. Becoming a librarian isn't as easy as it looks.” She offered. I nodded, letting go of her soft hand to eat my sandwich. “My friend Lindsey's really helpful though. She's getting a degree in the Arts but since we're just getting our basics right now, it's nice to have her in some of my classes.”

“The Lindsey you tried to get me to break up Frank for.” I stated matter of factually.

“Yes that Lindsey.” Sarah exhaled loudly, “But she really is great person. She had nothing to do with that whole thing.”

“Fine, fine.” I waved off, “But I'm glad you've got good friends.”

“Thanks...but I guess I should tell you something since we're on the topics of friends.” She began hesitantly.

“Yeah?” I encouraged, pushing food to the side of my mouth to speak.

“Well, uh I've actually been seeing this guy-”

“What?! What's his name? How long? How come you haven't told me yet?!” I cut her off in a rant. Sarah chuckled.

“Chill Gee. I haven't told you because I didn't know if it was going to turn into anything. His name is Dylan and we've only gone on a few dates...but I dunno. I think I really like him.” She explained nonchalantly, but I could tell she was excited.

“Holy shit, Sarah! That's so exciting! When do I get to meet him?” I went on, a big smile breaking my face. Sarah laughed brightly.

“I don't know Gee. Give a few more dates.” She offered.

“How'd you meet this guy?” I pushed, wanting to know more.

“Through a friend at school. My study group I got to, well a friend invited him one day because she wanted us to meet. And he asked me out on a date...and well I guess you know the rest.” She filled in for me. I couldn't stop smiling. Sarah definitely didn't need anyone to be happy, she was a strong independent woman, but still. It was always nice to have someone else.

“I'm so happy for you Sarah Bear!” I cheered, causing her to giggle again.

“Thanks Gee. You're the first person I've told outside school. So don't tell Mom yet. I want to do that if it gets more serious.” She asked of me.

“Oh course. You kept me and Frank a secret forever. I can return the favor.” I agreed.

“Well, it's not going to be like that. I just don't want to get her hopes up. You know how Mom can be.” She reminded. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, I know.” We chuckled together, both knowing exactly how Mom could be.

“So is he cute? What do you like about him? What's he like?” I went on again, still wanting to know more about this guy my sister was dating.

“He's adorable. He has blue eyes and brown curly hair, tall, regular build. He's studying in engineering. And I dunno. We just seem to get along well. He's so smart and funny.” She told, her voice taking on a dreamy air to it that made me smirk.

“Oh, so he's going to be rich.” I teased, in which Sarah shoved me playfully in reply.

“Shut up.” She giggled. “He's smart. That's a good quality.”

“It is.” I agreed, “But what dates have you gone on? What'd you do?”

“Boy you're nosy.” She pointed out.

“I'm curious about this boy my sister is seeing. Sue me.” I rolled my eyes.

“Well, our first date he took me out to dinner. Our second date, we went bowling. I beat him.” She told, a sing-song tone to her voice.

“Did he let you win?” I teased, Sarah shoving me again.

“No!” She insisted, “I can't help it if I'm better than him.”

“I'm just teasing!” I laughed, “I'm sure you killed it and he was trying his best.”

“Damn right.” She replied, making me chuckle once more. I actually felt super happy then, nice and light inside. It was nice to talk about something other than Frank with Sarah. And something she was so happy about. It felt like old times, really. We went on with talking about this guy Dylan, maintaining our silly banter. Then we started talking about her schooling more in depth.
After we were finished eating, though Sarah dragged me to a shoe store. Groaning and moaning the whole time, the sales assistant fitted my shoe size and asked what style I wanted in the same manner that Carrie lady did. And like before Sarah told them what I wanted. Lucky for me, it didn't take as long however, and I ended up getting a nice black leather dress pair that felt like silk to the touch. In fact I couldn't stop touching them, and refused to let the cashier bag them. I held them the whole way to the car and during the car ride, stoking the toe. Sarah just laughed at me, not meanly though, she was used to me weird love of texture.

It was a wonderful day, for once. I missed spending time with Sarah. And that's all I did practically the whole day. Spend time with my sister. Although when we got home, with Frank's friends gone, Frank kept to his threat, pouncing on me once Sarah and I walked through the door. Sarah just laughed, telling us she was going to get coffee. She didn't want to hear us, she commented, which made me blush. Frank laughed too, deviously though, pulling me up the stairs to his bedroom and slamming the door behind us.

Notes

Sort of a filler. I hate doing fillers because I feel like each chapter should be substantial and interesting but this was necessary. Lots of foreshadowing too. But yeah. Hope you enjoyed. Subscribe, comment, rate :)
Oh and p.s. Gerard Way replied to me on twitter. Twice in a year and a half. Two favorite in a year! It's v exciting.