It's Not Love If It's Just Fucking

Dee's P.O.V


"Please, Gerard."I begged. He'd not spoke to me since I'd asked him. "Gee?"
He shook his head and sat up. I scrambled to my knees and put my hand on his knee. I hooked a finger under his chin and turned him to face me. "Please talk to me." I whispered.
He searched my eyes. "Your not ready, baby."
He's rejecting me? I moved off the bed and walked out of the room. I headed towards the stairs but was turned round as Gerard grabbed my arm.
"Baby, where are you going?" He asked.
I closed my eyes to stop the tears threatening to fall. "You don't want me." I pulled my arm free and carried on my route to the stairs. My eyes open and tears now running freely down my cheeks. I don't get any of this. I just needed him to give me a reason to believe that not every man could be like Gavin. I needed to be loved not rejected. I know Gerard loves me. I need to be with him in all ways possible. I am still technically a virgin. A fucking thirty eight year old virgin. I want Gerard to be my first.
"Dee, please wait."
I ignored him as I headed to the kitchen. Once there I filled the sink with hot water. I'd just put the first plate in the water when Gerard turned me round.
"Dee..." He stopped and pulled me into his arms. "Oh god, Dee, sweetheart. I just don't want to hurt you. I want you to be completely sure your ready. Don't cry sweetheart. "He held me at arms lengh and wiped my eyes with his thumbs."I do want you, Dee. More than you know. I just don't believe your ready."
I shook my head. "I am, Gee. I really am." I run my fingers through my hair. "All I've ever known is that man. He made me believe that no one could ever love me or want me. When he kidnapped me, every time he...r...raped me." I took a deep breath. "He kept saying after he's finished with me that no one will want to....to...." This is so hard. "He said I would die a lonely old virgin. He said I'm a worthless bitch. That the only person that will ever want me is him because he wasn't fussy....." Great. More tears. I'm a fucking wreck. Gavin was right. I pulled away from Gerard as I realised. I ran both my hands through my hair as I turned away. "Oh god. He was right. Why didn't I realise that?" I turned to look at Gerard as I dropped my hands in defeat. "He was right. I am a worthless bitch. I have to go." I'm not really looking at Gerard now. I'm just starring into space now. "I have to move away again. Stay away from people so I don't drag any one down with me. I have to leave...."
Suddenly Gerard grabbed my arms. I looked up at him. He looks angry. Oh god no. I start to shake.

Gerard's P.O.V


Dee was shaking. She looks...scared? Shit. I'm not trying to scare her. I calm myself down and pull her into my arms. "Oh god, Dee, baby." I rub her back, gently. "I didn't mean to scare you, honey. I love you so much. I was angry at what that bastard said to you. None of it's true. Your wanted so damn much. By your REAL Dad, your brother, Ste, Sam, Geena, Sues, Frank, Ray, Bob even Mikey. In fact everyone you have ever come in contact with." She'd stopped shaking now. I pulled away slightly and looked at her tear stained face. "But no one wants you more than I do. You mean so fucking much to me. "I lean down to gently kiss her. She pulls me gently by my hair to deepen the kiss. It becomes more heated. She pulls away from me, breathing heavy.
"I'm sorry."She says as she rests her head on my chest.
I lift her face to look into her eyes. "Are you really ready?"
"Yes. I really am."
I give her a shy smile. Shy smile? Why am I shy all of a sudden? I grab her hand and head for the stairs. I would pick her up but I want to give her the freedom to back out.

Notes

Second chapter for tonight. Still don't know if Dee's going to back out do you? Lol.xxx