We'll dance again

I really hate how no matter where I go people are assholes. Two schools and I manage to go to the one where everyone is homophobic (except apparently Bob, Ray, Brendon and the other dude whose name I still don’t know) and that no matter where I go the wrong people find out the wrong things about me.
I went to ballet on Friday badly beaten up, I couldn’t afford to miss a lesson though. I managed most of it but then failed all my leaps. My legs were too wobbly and I fell over. Twice. To improve on the embarrassment some girl about two years younger than me videoed me landing badly and rolling over with pain. I was covered in still visible bruises and my shins were so badly grazed that stretching in certain ways stung so much that for the video it also looks like I’m crying. I had to bribe this fourteen year old kid with eight fifty every week not to post it on YouTube. The pretty little freshman with dark curls reminded me disturbingly of Alison. I bet the little fuck is related to the bigger fuck.
I hang out with Ray and Bob on Saturday after the open practice in the ballet school. We sat in Ray’s basement and played various games that were released in the early nineties that had pixels the same size as me and ate this really cool Spanish thing Ray’s mom made. I meant to ask them the guy’s name but I’d forgotten till I was in my mom’s car on the way home. Gerard came over for dinner that night.
Not on purpose.
He’d skated over asking if I wanted to come out with him and the guys when my mom had forced lasagne on him. I had said “I’m eating now I’ll be out later,” when my mom rushed in the hall with a steaming dish of lasagne and begged him to eat the spare portion. I know my mom just wanted to meet my friend to ensure I guess that I had some.
I was half way out the door when my mom yanked me back in. She said it was to make sure I had a jacket but when Gee was out of earshot she whispered; “you two would be cute together,” and sent me on my way.
Gerard and I skated through the park. It was dark now and getting chilly. We arrive to find all the guys standing around a burning thing. It’s so badly charred and engulfed in flames I have no idea what it is. It could have been a dead animal or it could have been a stick. Knowing these guys it was probably a school book.
Gabe stands up tall and flings a small box at Gerard. “Piss on this.”
I look down at the box and read not only tells you if you’re pregnant but how far along you are. “What?” Gerard says smiling at the guys.
“Go piss on that stick. If you’re pregnant I get Mikey’s board,” Gabe explains. Gerard laughs, rather uncomfortably, and walks off to pee on the stick against a tree.
Pete skates around me and proceeds to tell me the story of the pregnancy test. “Mikey said Gee’d gone to get you and when you two didn’t arrive after like ten minutes we decided that you were probably impregnating Gerard,” I laugh uncomfortably. Pete continues, “So we skated off to Walmart and got a pregnancy test and this box of tampons,” he kicks the smouldering thing, “So we rolled dice Bert just, like, had, and Mikey had to go up to the counter to pay for these two fucking contradictory things while applying lip gloss Bert also just had. I think I can say for us all I’ve never seen such a fucking confused cashier. To top it all off Mikey puts on this high girly voice and says “thanks doll” and walks off like Miss United States then afterwards.” I laugh with the guys. I’d love to have seen that but unfortunately I was trying to not be awkward at dinner with Gerard and my mother.
Gerard skips back to us. “It’s processing…” he mumbles and we all huddle around the piss stick and for a second it feels like we’re all actually hoping the stick will declare Gerard to be babyless.
“I don’t know how Gerard’s supposed to be pregnant if the father is still a virgin…” I muse and then immediately wish I hadn’t said it out loud.
“What makes you think you get to be the dad?” Gerard moans.
“Really guys,” Mikey laughs.
None of them make fun of my virginity, that’s… amazing.
“The result!” Gabe squeals, + five weeks along, we read and all burst out laughing.
“You can keep your board,” Gabe gasps, “As a present for becoming an uncle.”
We skate around the pregnancy test then. Gee falls trying to do some weird ass flip and Gabe gasps, “MIND THE BABY FOR FUCK SAKE!”
I skate home that night with the Ways, making pregnancy puns and jokes with Mikey. They all suck. My personal favourites are don’t be such a womb-man, you should listen to in-utero and can we drink your vodka so we can all have morning sickness. After a while Gee just gave up on trying to get us to stop and me and Mikey just sent shitty jokes back and forth till Gerard went into his house.

I hung out with the guys all Sunday too. We skated literally around the whole town and ate frozen pizza at Gabe’s for lunch. We managed to burn the pizza while having bits of the dough raw. That is talent.
My mom just makes me uncomfortable by asking me questions about Gerard. “Do you like like him?” and “would you like to have him over” and more things that make me go red and tell her to “Just leave it”
And then Monday comes and purgatory begins. So I was actually in good time for school and walking in the front door when I spot that girl who videoed me standing amidst other freshman with an expression that looks like my shit is better than you as she watches me sulk down the hall in search of Ray and Bob. I can find neither so I go back to my locker and try get my stuff for the next few classes. Nothing like getting shoved into your locker first thing in the morning. I’m sure people saw me get neatly folded up and placed in my metal container but no one decides to help me out until Ray runs past as the last bell goes and frees me. “Who did this?” Ray sighs helping me up.
“Carl and Geoff,” I say dusting myself off, “let’s go to class.”
I run down the same corridor as Ray only he leaves the emptying hall four doors before I do. I burst into geometry at the exact same time as my name is called for the role. That would’ve been cool if I wasn’t gasping and didn’t trip over a chair.
I got the uncomfortably close seat, again. I think I’ll just give in and make this my permanent residence. I’m beginning to shape the seat to my body anyway. I get lots of interesting notes from my love, Geoff, asking if my boyfriend helped me out of the locker and if I wanted him to get me a dude dildo. Eww.
I avoid everyone as much as I can. At lunch though it’s really hard to escape everyone when there’s only one source of food. I now fully understand why lions hide by watering holes.
Alison strides up to me as I stand in a long queue for some gross food. “Heya Frankie,” she smiles, eyes glistening, “guess what I have.”
Before I can answer she pulls out a white iPhone. On it plays a muted video of me failing at ballet. My heart takes a swan dive. “How?” I mutter uselessly. I know how of course.
“My sister says you’re a ballerina, Frankie. Not very manly is it. And definitely not very punk,” she giggles, “you know how popular I am on social media Frank? Very. I could make this viral. I know my boys here won’t think too highly of you and your skater friends might lose whatever respect they have for you.”
I’m being skipped in the line but I can’t move. Alison continues, “But of course I’m not about to completely ruin your life because that’s just bitchy. I won’t use this video unless I have to, Frank, and I’m sure you’ll be co-operate and help me not use it.”
I stare up at her. She flashes a white smile. “I’m back with Carl again and I don’t think he’ll be too happy to see me with you so much so I’ll leave a little explanation in your locker. Bye Frankie.”

I run away. I leave the cafeteria and make a B-line for the French literature section. I squeeze into a corner between book shelves and take out my phone. I open up the text box but then close it. I can’t text Gee, what’d be the point. A girl is being mean to me because I’m a small emo faggot who can’t dance for shit and will probably end up with no friends again really soon. Ps. I’d blow you and you wouldn’t even have to blow me back xo –Frank.
I, obviously don’t send that. My life is near enough its end anyway, without making Gerard think I’m a total loser.
The French literature section is nice, honestly. I can’t pronounce 110% of the titles and have no interest in it anyway but at least the books won’t beat the shit outta me or shove me in a locker. Or worse, threaten to show people my failed ballet. After lunch I skulk out around what’s basically the school’s back alleys until I find my class.
Ray doesn’t ask about my whereabouts at lunch, just thanks me for not being beaten up. Carl sleeps through chemistry and Ray and I practice balancing origami things on him. We finished our practical work really fast somehow and spend twenty minutes of the class balancing paper boats and swans on various parts of the slumbering jock.
After school Bob meets me outside my classroom and escorts me to my locker. I grab out my coat and math text book from the metal container which shouldn’t be able to fit me in it. I move my copy of Othello and see a note folded on lined pink paper. Frankie xo is scrawled on it like an angel wrote with their left hand.
I shove it in my pocket getting a quizzical eyebrow raise from Bob. That’s the great thing about Bob, he never blatantly asks questions, just assumes you’ll tell him anything that’s for him to know. My respect for Bob is like a million miles above my self-respect.
Bob, my guardian angel, drives me home and he and Ray wave to me as they drive off.
I put a slice of toast in and unfold the little pink note, flattening it against the table. A smell of stewed flowers and chemicals rises from the paper. A bit too sweet to be nice. Dearest Frankie, I’d like to ask you to do me a favour by Thursday. I need you to put staples in Geoff’s jock strap for cheating on Madison, Love Alison xoxo Ps. I have everything ready for uploading if you don’t quite make it.
Well shit.
I do my homework distractedly. I spend a long time writing my English essay because I have to pause every few minutes and cross out lines such as Othello didn’t know what to do because everyone around him was a bigot pig and no one accepts people for who they are, black or gay. I scribble the gay out especially well because no knows I don’t need to accidentally say that in class.
I leave with Gerard and Mikey as soon as I can and try to align my thoughts. No I can’t tell them. No I can’t say some bitch is threatening me with my own secrets. No. No, no, no.
I end up skating around nervously with a voice that’s on the edge of screaming and crying and laughing. “Are you okay?” Pete asks after I nervously laugh at nothing.
“Yea just have an exam tomorrow,” I say and they all nod muttering things like “that’s the worst”. Nope, exams are not the worst.

Notes

In Othello one can see judgement based on race, not on the quality of the person. People claimed rotten things about Othello because he was black when really he started out as a way better person than most. This may be fan fiction but judgement based on religion, race and sexuality are still here and it pisses me off. That's why I decided to Incorporate this Shakespearean play into the story line... that and I love Shakespeare XD let me know what you think :3