Kill This Venom From My Heart

The interview goes well, a small group of twenty fans attending and getting a chance to ask questions and afterwards we play three songs acoustically, the fans all singing along with me and it feels great. After the performance we meet the fans, giving autographs and photos before we go into another room and have our photo taken for the magazine and when we come back some of the fans are still hanging around. I look around for Gerard and see him standing in the corner talking to another guy and I feel my stomach clench, anger and jealousy slowly coursing through me as I watch him laugh at whatever's being said, one hand coming up to push his hair back and the other guy starts laughing too. I take a step towards them, Gerard not even noticing we've come back into the room when I'm stopped by a young girl who stutters badly and I can see her hands shaking as she holds out an envelope to me so I reluctantly take my gaze off Gerard and focus on the girl, smiling reassuringly at her as I gently place a hand on her upper arm, her cheeks now bright red with embarrassment over her stuttering. She falls silent and I softly say "It's alright, you're doing great" and she smiles softly and manages to get out that she wrote me a letter and I smile a little wider as I take it and say "Thank you so much, do you mind if I read it a little later?" She smiles and shakes her head and as we stand there she reaches up to tuck her hair back behind her ear and a few of her bracelets shift, revealing angry looking cuts and scratches on her arm and my eyes widen, my hand moving before I register what I'm doing and I grab her wrist, making her freeze and her eyes well with tears. I glance from her arm back up to her face before dropping her wrist and pulling her in for a hug, gently rubbing her back for a few seconds before pulling away again and she sniffles, a few wet patches on my shirt and I smile softly at her again before glancing over at Gerard who has finally noticed I'm back and is glaring daggers in my direction.

After the fans are ushered out of the office, the guy Gerard was talking to shooting him a lingering glance on his way out, I march over to Gerard and lean in to hiss in his ear "What the fuck was that?" Gerard steps back from me looking surprised and confused and just as I go to speak again Bob comes over and tells us we're leaving. The ride home is silent, my hands clenched around the steering wheel so tight my knuckles are white and Gerard turns in his seat so his back is to me, glaring out the window with his arms folded over his chest, the tension in the car so thick it's hard to breathe. By the time we reach the house I am fuming, replaying the way Gerard was talking and laughing so easily with someone else in my mind and when we go inside I snap, grabbing Gerard's arm and spinning him around to face me. "So what the fuck was that?" I snap, my hand tightening around his arm and Gerard squirms and says "Frank let go, you're hurting me." I loosen my grip a little as I ask again, "Well?" "I was talking to someone, is that a problem?" "Looked like more than innocent conversation" I tell him and he scoffs and says "Well what the fuck were you doing? I told you I don't like you hugging the fans, looked like you fucking loved it." "Oh fuck you Gerard, it's my job to make the fans happy, what do you want me to do?" "Fuck you" he snaps, bracing his hands against my chest and pushing me, causing me to stumble back a few steps before I straighten up and charge forward, shoving him back. Gerard stumbles back before correcting himself and before I know what's happening his hand swings up and slaps me hard across the cheek. I stand stunned for a few long seconds, Gerard still glaring at me before he turns and runs upstairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him and I sink to my knees where I am, one hand coming up to clutch my cheek as my eyes well with tears and I wonder what the fuck just happened, not meaning for it to get that out of hand, just having felt jealous and scared.

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