Kill This Venom From My Heart

As I step into Gerard's room I look around, taking it all in for a few seconds, seeing the walls plastered in band posters and drawings, a book shelf full of comics and DVDs and a desk overloaded with papers and art supplies along with the usual mess of a teenagers room, clothes scattered all over the floor and Gerard is sitting in the middle of an unmade bed. "Your room is awesome" I tell him before my eyes lock onto his face fully and I see his eyes are red and puffy. "Are you ok?" I ask as I cross the room to him, standing awkwardly by the bed as he looks up at me, unsure if I should sit down or not and he sniffles again and says "I'm fine." I shake my head as I hesitantly sit on the bed beside him and say "Are you forgetting that we know each other? I mean I know we don't know a whole lot about each other but I know enough about you to know that you're not fine right now." Gerard sighs before saying "It's Mikey....and everyone that followed us here. Is it so hard to believe that I could have a friend? Or are you just here as a sick joke?" I shake my head again before saying "Gee I'm here because I need a friend too. Bob is the only real friend I have, the rest of the band don't really like me that much and everyone else just wants to be close to me because I'm famous and they think I'm rich. No one wants me for me, they want me because of their own selfish needs and wants." "I'm sorry" he says softly and I shoot him a small smile as I say "It's ok, I have trust issues too." "It's not that I don't trust you Frank, I've told you things that I've never told anyone else before, I do trust you I just....." "I get it." We fall into silence after that and I climb off the bed to walk around the room, getting a closer look at his posters and drawings. "These are really great" I tell him, turning to look at him as I gesture to some of his pictures and he smiles and says "Thanks." "No seriously, you're really talented, maybe we could get you to design some merch or the next album cover or something, the world needs to see your art." Gerard goes red and doesn't say anything and I smile at him again before turning back to the wall and when I look across to the next poster I cringe slightly before turning back and saying "Interesting choice of poster," Gerard chuckling softly as I point to the large poster of me. I remember the day the picture was taken, the photo shoot was for the whole band but then they started snapping pictures of just me and encouraging me to practically eye fuck the camera and the result is what's hanging on the wall in front of me. I shake my head as I move on, feeling my own eyes burning a hole in me from the poster as I turn my back to it.

The afternoon passes quickly, after I finish looking around Gerard asks if I want to watch a movie and we end up settled on his bed watching a nightmare on elm street and passing commentary about the terrible stunt acting and how it's always the sluts that die early in these sorts of movies and it's the first time I've felt truly relaxed in a long time. Just as the movie is ending Gerard's mother calls down the stairs to ask if I would like to stay for dinner and I look to Gerard who smiles and says "Well?" "Do you want me to? We haven't really talked about this, I know it's kinda weird I just showed up at your school and I don't want to like overstay my welcome and...." "He'll stay" Gerard calls to his mother and we hear her close the door again. "Frank you seriously need to chill out, I like that you're here, it's nice to have someone to hang out with. How long are you here for? Where are you even staying?" "Uh I didn't exactly book a return ticket because I wasn't sure and I'm staying at the hotel near the airport." Gerard nods and we just stare at each other in awkward silence before he says "You wanna go for a walk before dinner?" "Ok" I tell him and he climbs off the bed, me following and we pull our shoes on before leaving the basement, me standing back and checking out his ass while he bends down to pull his shoes on before I realise what I'm doing and I snap myself out of it, mentally scolding myself for being a creep. As we pass the kitchen on our way out Gerard stops and asks his mother how long dinner will be so we know when to be back and we have half an hour so we head out, ignoring the strange stares from Mikey as we walk past him. "So where are we going?" I ask once we're on the street, the sun getting low in the sky and casting long shadows. "The park? It's just down the street." I nod and start walking with him and once his house is out of view he pulls a cigarette and lighter from his pocket, putting it in his mouth and I smirk as I pull my own pack out of my jacket pocket. "You little rebel" I tease him as I light up my own and he smirks before shoving me playfully. "My mom won't let me, well I'm pretty sure she knows I do it but we kinda have a silent agreement that I won't do it at home." I nod and we continue on to the park, finishing our cigarettes before Gerard leads me to the swings, sitting on one while I sit on the other and we start to swing as we talk about random stuff, Gerard asking me about touring and I tell him stories which make him laugh this adorable little laugh and I can't help but laugh along, feeling my stomach flip at how truly beautiful he looks as he smiles and laughs, the setting sun illuminating his face and I'm so relieved it's not awkward anymore like it was at his house.

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