Kill This Venom From My Heart

"Frank what happened?" I take a deep shaky breath before saying "I don't know what happened. I can't remember." "Babe you're scaring me, tell me what's going on" Gerard pleads and I take a shaky breath before saying "I think I....I think I cheated." "What? Frank what happened?" "Jamia was here last night and we were having coffee and everything was fuzzy around the edges and she started getting undressed and I'm pretty sure I kissed her and then this morning I woke up and....." The phone goes dead and when I pull it away from my ear I see that Gerard has hung up on me. I let out a shaky breath before hitting the call button again and after five attempts at calling with no answer the calls start going straight to voicemail indicating he switched his phone off. "Babe I love you and I'm sorry for whatever I may have done last night, you have to know I would never do this to you willingly, I really think she slipped me something but I know that probably doesn't make this any better. Please call me back, even if only to end this, if that's truly what you want I'll respect that. I'm sorry I dragged you into all this, I love you" I leave on his voicemail before I go back upstairs and collapse in the middle of the bed, curling up and pulling the blanket over my head as I cry myself back to sleep.

Three days later Gerard still hasn't returned my calls and he ignores all my messages on twitter and Skype. I attempt to call his house only to have Mikey answer and tell me to fuck off. I thought Jamia cheating on me was painful but that was nothing compared to how I feel now that I have probably lost Gerard. I can't sit around the house and wait any longer I decide at four in the morning, in the middle of yet another sleepless night so I grab my laptop, booking myself a flight leaving in four hours before I pack a small bag and call a cab, heading to the airport. The flight to Jersey seems to take forever and when I finally land I have an hour and a half until Gerard finishes school. I check into the hotel near the airport again, taking another shower and dressing in clean clothes before I head out and buy a large bunch of roses, grabbing another cab and heading to Gerard's house, deciding he should be home by now. When I get there I hesitate before climbing out of the cab, marching up to the front door and I run my fingers through my hair before I press the button for the doorbell and a few seconds later I hear footsteps, my heart pounding harder and harder the closer they get and by the time the front door swings open it feels like it's about to explode out of my chest. "Frank" Mrs Way greets me, her face going from neutral to angry. "Hi Mrs Way" I greet her softly and she closes the door a little, blocking the entrance with her body. "What do you want Frank?" "I may have fucked this all up, I know but please, just let me see him" I plead, it being more than obvious she knows what's happened. "Please, I wouldn't have flown across the country if I wasn't serious about him" I offer and She takes in my pathetic expression before saying "Wait here" and she turns and walks down the hallway to Gerard's bedroom door and I hear her call down "Gee, can you come help me for a minute." A few seconds later Gerard appears in the hallway and when he sees me he shouts "No" and walks back into his room and in the few seconds he's visible to me I can see this is killing him as much as it's killing me and in that moment I truly wish Jamia was dead.

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