Kill This Venom From My Heart

The next morning I wake up in bed, my head pounding and the blinds are open so the sun shining straight in my eyes isn't helping anything. I pull the blankets back and swing my legs over the side of the bed, shivering as I realise that I'm completely naked and when I look down I see a dark purple patch on my thigh. I run my fingers over it, my head spinning slightly as the purple patch on my leg throbs under my touch and I frown as I wonder how the fuck I got a hickey on my thigh. I drag myself off the bed and over to my pile of discarded clothes, picking up my balled up pyjama pants and as I shake them out something black falls out of them so I quickly pull them on before I bend down and pick it up, dropping it in horror as I realise they are a pair of black lace panties. I back away a few steps, bits and pieces of last night playing in my mind. I remember Jamia showing up and coming inside for coffee and me wishing she would just leave already and then things get fuzzy and I vaguely register that I may have kissed her. I slowly cross the room back to the bed, sinking down onto the edge of the mattress and I hear my phone buzz. I reach out and pick it up, seeing a message from Jamia. 'Thanks for last night babe, you always know just what I like' it says and when I open the attached picture my stomach churns violently. I am laying in bed, Jamia ontop of me in a corset and the panties that are on the floor, her lips sealed to mine and my eyes are closed, looking like I'm kissing back but I think it might be that I'm passed out as I don't remember this at all. The picture is taken from a small distance from the bed, showing our entire upper bodies meaning someone else was in the house taking the picture. I close the message, my heart pounding painfully in my chest and I see that I also have five missed calls and three messages from Gerard. I open the messages which range from 'Babe are you alright? I thought you were calling me back.' To 'Fine whatever Frank, goodnight.' I swallow hard, rubbing my hand over my face before I hit call, bringing the phone to my ear and after a few rings Gerard's voice tells me to leave a message. I sigh and hang up, sitting the phone aside and making my way to the bathroom to take a shower.

After I sit in the shower crying for a while I drag myself out and dry off, wrapping the towel around my waist as I make my way back to my room and I pick up the phone, seeing no new calls or messages. I get dressed and take the phone with me as I head downstairs, going into the kitchen where I see two dirty coffee cups sitting on the bench. I pick up the one I had been drinking from, wondering what she gave me as I know I would never have done anything unless I was under the influence of something and I scream out as I throw the cup at the wall, watching it smash and fall to the floor in pieces. I stomp around the house angry at myself for trusting her and letting her inside and angry at her for doing this to me again and I end up sinking to the floor in the middle of the living room, tears streaming down my cheeks as I sob, knowing Gerard will never forgive me for whatever I've done. I sit in the middle of the floor crying until my phone starts ringing and I scramble to get up, running into the kitchen where I left my phone on the bench, seeing Gerard's name on the screen. "Baby" I sob into the phone and Gerard says "Frank what the....wait babe are you crying? What's going on?" I let out another pained sob before saying "I think I did something bad Gee, I fucked up so bad."

Notes