The next day me and frank sat in the living room. We had slept together downstairs but nothing occurred except cuddling.

After a lot of my tears about killing franks baby he asked a question that made my heart shatter.
“do you know if it was a boy or a girl?”
i told him no because i didn’t. then he asked if we could find out. We spent the whole night talking about whether we should go into the hospital or not.

Frank wanted to know if it was a boy or girl, if you could even tell, and i wanted to know what had happened to my baby.

I even thought about having a little funeral for it with just me frank and Mikey, once we told him….Which is why we are sitting in the living room right now.

We decided we’d wake up early and wait for mikey to wander into the kitchen for breakfast. Then we’d tell him and ask if he wants to come to the hospital with us.

“how do you think he’ll react?” frank asked me rubbing his thumb over my hand.

i laughed “he’ll probably want to kill you.”

frank smacked my arm playfully, but then frowned. “i didn’t mean to hurt you Gerard and i hope you and Mikey both see that.”

“i believe that you didn’t mean to hurt me frank, don't worry about me. i know if you actually wanted to hurt me you wouldn’t be here right now.”

Frank smiled sadly and i kissed his forehead. “thank you.”

“for what?” he asked looking up at me.

“for believing me. just for being here right now and accepting what i am. Ashley didn’t”

“ya what happened between you two? i mean she just looked expressionless when she told Mikey she was leaving.”

I thought back to what had happened between me and her. “yeah i think she was more pissed once she realized i had cheated on her.
I didn’t tell her i had been pregnant but said that my parents had decided to tell me i was a hermaphrodite because they were worried something might happen.
once i explained what a hermaphrodite was she asked why my parents would be worried, and i told her i had come home one night with a guy from a party.
She was hurt, but i think more disgusted.
I broke down apologizing and she just hugged me because she pitied me.
She told me were over because of this and i cried even harder.
Then you and Mikey showed up and she left.
I haven't talked to her at all since then.”

“its her fucking loss” frank spat. “she was stupid to lose you”

“in all honesty i think she just always wanted a boyfriend that would give her whatever she wanted and i always did. as soon as i didn’t she dropped me without even considering everything id done for her.”

“that's so stupid-“

“whats stupid?” a tired looking mikey yawned walking into the room.

I looked at frank, my heart beat beginning to increase. I wanted to tell Mikey but i wasn’t ready. What if he was mad or thought i was stupid for telling frank?

“oh uh nothing.” frank said in response to his earlier question. he squeezed my hand and looked at me “you ready?”

i stood up with franks hand in mine. “mikey?”

He looked at me as he was pouring his coffee from across the kitchen “yeah?”

“i-me and frank have something to tell you and im not sure how you're going to react but i want to get this over with.”

Mikey looked between the two of us and set his coffee down. “is it something bad?”

I shook my head. When i opened my mouth to speak nothing came out. i stared crying and sat down on a stool by the island. I could feel mikey looking at me and i felt like a total idiot for not being able to talk.

“gee do you want me to?” Frank asked.
I didn’t respond so he just went ahead.

“listen Mikey, that asshole guy......who left Gerard in tears, the one you wanted to kill but wouldn’t tell me why.......he’s me. “

“what the hell are you talking about?” mikey asked.

“i’m the father..of gerard’s baby.”

I only heard silence so i looked up. Frank was just standing still but mikey, mikey looked furious.

“you had sex with my brother and then dumped him like that?!”

“mikey i didn’t mean to-“

“i don’t give a shit about what you meant to do but you did it! you fucking did it!” with that i watched mikey charge at frank and tackle him to the floor.

“you inconsiderate asshole! What? Was my brother just some toy to you?! Some place to shove your little dick in and then leave afterwards with no regrets? You're sick!”

“Mikey get off of him.” i pleaded but mikey just looked at me with hard eyes. “You’’ve got to be fucking kidding me gerard you forgave him? He left you after you had to deliver his dead child!”
“i know what he fucking did mikey!” i yelled and everyone stopped. Both of them stared me looking scared. i never tended to yell unless there was a good reason and my sudden harsh outburst scared them.

“i know what he did.” i said again softer this time, "but he’s still my kids father and we decided together to tell you and then ask if you’d come with us to the hospital.”

“why are you going to the hospital?” mikey asked climbing off frank but not helping him back to his feet.

“because.”

“because why?” mikey pressed.

“because frank wants to know if the baby was a boy or a girl, and i want to know what happened to it.”

————-
The ride to the hospital was tense. frank was driving and me and mikey were in the back. When we arrived mikey asked for the doctor we had seen for my delivery, and one of the nurses directed us to a waiting room further into the hospital where we would have to wait for him.

After two painstakingly long hours he came out to greet us, and asked if something had happened to me. We explained why we were there and he apologized to frank for the loss of his child.

“are you sure you’d want to know the sex of the bay? for some parents its better left unknown for grieving purposes.”

i looked at frank who said it was more up to me since i was the one who had to deliver it. Personally i could go forever without knowing but i knew frank wanted to.

“i want to know. We want to know.” i answered and he left us to go get the paper work.

he returned a little while later and told us to follow him to his office. Mikey decided to wait in the sitting area saying it was more important that us two do it together as parents without him.

“are you ready.” the doctor asked me and frank.

Frank answered yes and he pulled out a sheet of paper. “November 2nd at 2:33 pm Gerard Arthur Way, hermaphrodite of 18 years of age delivered a deceased male fetus due to a miscarriage caused by alcohol poisoning to the fetus”

“i was going to be a dad to baby boy.” frank whispered looking at me with teary eyes. “and i almost didn’t believe you.”

i decided not to respond to that but instead ask another question. “where is the baby?”

“well due to the early age there wasn’t much ‘baby’ but whats there would be in the morgue waiting to either be cremated or well, pitched.”

“can we have it?” i asked

“well i suppose... but i wouldn’t recommend looking at it. it would be best to buy a casket if you plan to bury it for another day to pick it up, so one of our workers can place it in for you with out anymore trauma.”

-----------

So thats exactly what we did. Me and frank ordered a baby blue casket with white trim for our little boy and had the hospital place the baby for us.

We managed to buy a plot at a local cemetery and frank, mikey and i had him buried. It’s been three months since then and our tombstone had just come in today.

A simple rectangular one made of black marble saying,
“Alexander Iero-Way. November 2nd 2014

Loved son, and nephew. The miracle child of our lives.”

Notes

The end

xoxox
mcrlove