F*ck and Run

Frank paced back and forth in his tiny kitchen lost in thought.
There was really only one reason a guy like Gerard would want to come over in the middle of the night. Gerard had said he wasn’t just looking to hook up… but Frank wasn’t so sure.
It was horribly confusing for Frank to want Gerard to want him and to be offended that Gerard might want him all in the same.
He thought about picking up the old coffee mugs scattered on several of the dust-covered surfaces but decided Gerard didn’t deserve that kind of forethought. He would just have to accept Frank for exactly who and how he was.
He’d tried to call Gerard to tell him he’d changed his mind and that he shouldn’t come over but the call went straight to voicemail. Gerard was already underground on a train headed towards Frank’s apartment.
He managed to brush his teeth, chug another beer, stare at his hopeless mop of messy hair in the mirror and browse his pitiful selection of non-horror movie titles before the intercom buzzed.
He hesitated a moment before pushing the talk button.
“Hello?” He asked softly, leaning against the wall.
“Frankie?” Gerard asked hesitantly. “It’s me, ahm, Ger-”
Frank heard the familiar buzz of the door unlocking as he pushed the ‘door’ button underneath the speaker, not waiting for Gerard to finish his sentence.
“Don’t call me ‘Frankie’.” He said bitterly to his empty apartment.
His heart began to flutter as he waited by the door for Gerard to climb the stairs to his floor.
He heard the rhythm of Gerard’s boots against the tiles, echoing through the silent hallway. A distortion of the dark figure Frank both longed for and hated slipped into view through the peephole. Frank pulled the door open as Gerard lifted his hand to knock.
“Hi.” Frank offered softly.
“Hey.” Gerard echoed, his lips twitching at a hint of a smile. Melted snow clung to his dark hair and coat. He regarded Frank with a hesitant look, trying to gauge Frank’s mood. Frank took a step backward.
“Um, please come in.” He mumbled.
Gerard followed him into the apartment. They awkwardly leaned away from one another as Frank stepped back towards the door to turn the lock.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” Frank asked, searching Gerard’s face for the mysterious vanishing cut. Gerard’s face was pale and damp with flecks of melted snow, but there was definitely no scab. There was no indication of any sort of injury, in fact.
“No, I’m alright. Thank you.” Gerard replied, sliding out of his coat and kicking off his shoes. He took a step towards what used to be Frank’s livingroom, where they had sat and talked the last time Gerard had been over all that time ago. “Oh-”
The room was dark and empty; still in a state of disrepair. The ladders and plastic sheeting still sat in a neat pile in the corner from the painters who had had to leave them behind at the end of the day the last time they had been around to work on the damage. Gerard blinked, not expecting the cold, paint-fumey darkness in place of the sofa and and shelf after shelf of the truly glorious record collection that used to reside there.
“What happened?” Gerard asked, staring at the empty space. “I mean, Mikey said your apartment had flooded but-” He took another step towards the empty room. Frank reached out and grabbed Gerard’s arm to prevent him from going any further.
The sudden contact had Gerard turning towards Frank with a curious look. Frank retracted his hand, folding his arms across his chest.
“It was my um… my neighbor I guess?” Frank said. “Here um… follow me. I don’t like talking about it in here...”
Frank wandered in the opposite direction towards his kitchen, turning on the burner under the kettle and fixing himself a mug with a tea bag so that he had something to do with his hands. Gerard leaned against the doorframe, watching Frank move around.
‘He, um, well… it’s kind of gruesome. You’re not squeamish are you?” Frank asked.
“You know something of my taste movies.” Gerard shrugged. “As long as it has nothing to do with needles…”
“You’re afraid of needles?” Frank asked, a small, nervous laugh escaping his lips. He could feel himself shaking under the gaze of the supernatural healer. The guy was unbelievably hot and it made Frank nervous. He hoped Gerard didn’t notice. “Guess that would explain the lack of tattoos.”
His heart leapt as he realized he’d more or less brought up that he’d seen Gerard naked. Completely naked.
“It probably seems silly to someone with as many as you.” Gerard said, completely unphased.
“No. Not at all.” Frank said. “Everyone’s afraid of something that’s a little irrational.”
“Well what are you afraid of?” Gerard asked, taking a step towards Frank. “Besides ghosts, obviously…”
“Lots of stuff. Like, dead bodies dropping through my ceiling. Which is exactly what happened.” Frank said, laughing in spite of himself.
“...What?” Gerard breathed, fighting back an inappropriate smile.
“Yeah so… oh man it’s so weird. Here, sit down.” Frank said, dropping into one of the chairs beside the small table in the corner. Gerard crossed the room and sat in the other chair, folding his coat over the back.
“So my upstairs neighbor actually um… killed himself.” Frank started, taking a deep breath, “Like, super cartoony toaster-in-the-bathtub deal…”
Frank glanced up at Gerard. He was gazing back at Frank, listening intently.
“He left the water running which flooded his whole bathroom.” Frank continued. “And like, this is a pretty old building and I guess there was an old beam in the ceiling or something. So I was just like, in my kitchen minding my own fucking business, cooking a fucking stir fry or whatever when I hear this loud crash in my livingroom. Scared the shit out of me.”
Frank smiled as he watched Gerard make the connection in his head.
“The tub like, fell through the ceiling and cracked in half. Blood and guts and bathwater everywhere.” Frank said, stretching his arms out to emphasize the sight he could still see so clearly in his head. “Water was streaming down through the hole in the ceiling. Ruined all my stuff.”
“Frank that’s… I had no idea.” Gerard gasped. “Mikey didn’t-”
“I didn’t tell Mikey. Haven’t really told anyone.” Frank interrupted. “Out of like, respect for the dead and shit.”
“Holy shit.” Gerard said. “You’re not making this up.”
“Wish I was.” Frank mumbled, getting up to turn off the tea kettle as it started to whistle. “You know how rare some of my records were. I mean, if you remember...”
“I would’ve fucking moved if that happened to me...” Gerard mused.
“Yeah well… the chances of it happening again are pretty slim so like, statistically this seems like a pretty safe place.” Frank said, getting down a second mug and tea bag for Gerard and pouring two cups of hot water, “But my lease is up in like, 6 months… I’ll probably move when it’s up. This place is like, haunted as fuck now.”
“I’d tell you to get a cat but…” Gerard said, giving Frank a sympathetic frown.
Frank carried the two cups of tea back to the table and dropped back into his chair.
“Jesus… Frank are you… are you like, okay?” Gerard asked, forehead wrinkling in concern.
“I’m fine.” Frank nodded, “Can’t really say I’ve had worse happen to me though, I guess.”
“Yeah… wow.” Gerard agreed, wrapping his hands around the mug. “Fuck, dude.”
“The cop I had to fill out a report with said it was lucky I ran and hid instead of checking to see if the guy was okay.” Frank said, bobbing his tea bag in the steaming water, “It took them awhile to get to the body and because there was still electricity running through everything. There was water everywhere... I could’ve like... died.”
A heavy silence hung over the two men. Gerard had told Frank he wasn’t good at serious conversations so it made sense that Gerard got quiet.
“It’ll be awhile before this place feels like home again but it’ll happen eventually…” Frank mused. “Anyways, weren’t you here to cheer me up or something?”
He looked up at Gerard and smirked. Gerard’s eyes lit up with curiosity.
“If I had known about your neighbor I wouldn’t have let you-”
“We can just… watch something not scary, yeah?” Frank said, trying to change the subject. If he thought about his dead neighbor too much he’d never be able to be alone his apartment again. He’d heard the guy’s footsteps most days back when he was alive. Frank couldn’t help but wonder if there was something he could’ve done for the guy. He couldn’t help but wonder if his neighbors in other apartments were suicidal or living in pain.
Frank gingerly picked up his steaming mug and carried it towards his bed room. His TV was still on, set to a local news channel. His room seemed messier now that Gerard was in it. A few boxes of his belongings that hadn’t been too water-damaged were tossed into boxes, stacked next to the TV. The box on top, containing his DVDs was open.
He eyed Gerard as he glanced around the room, taking in the surroundings. He wanted to ask Gerard if he remembered what Frank’s room looked like. It was a stupid question. The room had been dark and they had been busy racing to get undressed the last time Gerard had been at Frank’s place. If Gerard didn’t remember who Frank was there was no way he’d remember Frank’s apartment.
Frank slid a couple of the DVD cases around, making sure to avoid anything that might feature needles. He settled on the original Dawn of the Dead. He slid it into the DVD played and sat on the edge of his bed.
“Sorry I uh… don’t exactly have a couch right now.” Frank sighed, sipping his tea.
“This is fine.” Gerard said, perching on the edge of the bed beside Frank.
Frank set his mug down and got up to turn the light off. Gerard watched his every move as he crossed the room again to sit beside Gerard. Gerard set his mug down on the floor.
“I thought you said not scary.” Gerard asked confused.
“This movie isn’t fucking scary.” Frank scoffed.
“I don’t know dude. I’ve always been a little freaked out by the idea of reanimated corpses, regardless of how realistic their makeup is.”
Frank just chuckled.
“Like just think about that for a second... Actual dead bodies getting up and walking around.” Gerard shuddered.
“Well, fuck, you sure know how to cheer a guy right up.” Frank said sarcastically.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. We’ve been over this.” Gerard said, shifting closer to Frank and wrapping an arm around him.
Frank felt himself immediately tense up. The strange war between wanting Gerard to want him and getting mad at Gerard for wanting him fired up all over again. He wanted to push Gerard down on the bed as much as he wanted to rip Gerard’s arm off as punishment for him even dreaming of touching Frank.
“I’m legitimately terrible at serious stuff.” Gerard reiterated with a deep sigh.
Frank looked over at Gerard. The opening scenes of the movie played across the his pale face. Gerard’s head turned and he considered Frank with that same curious, hesitant look he’d worn when he’d stood at Frank’s front door. Frank couldn’t help himself, he reached up and touched Gerard’s cheek, where the cut had been a few hours before. He didn’t know how to ask Gerard about it.
Gerard must have misunderstood Frank’s intentions because he ghosted his fingers along Frank’s jaw, tilting his head up to meet Gerard’s lips in a soft kiss. Frank didn’t fight it, even though some part of him told him he should.
He cupped Gerard’s face in his hands and leaned into him, moving his lips against Gerard’s. It felt so fucking good to let go of the conflicting emotions inside of his head and just give in. He pulled on the front of Gerard’s shirt, as he leaned back on the bed, trying to pull Gerard on top of him. He slid his tongue along Gerard’s bottom lip, but Gerard just kept his pace, kissing him with slow, closed-mouth motions. Gerard slid into the space beside Frank on the bed, rather than on top of him. His hand tangled in Frank’s hair.
There was no lust, no hunger behind the kiss and it confused the hell out of Frank. He wanted friction and biting and desperate, hurried movements but Gerard just kissed him slowly, sweetly, politely. Their legs hung off the edge of the bed, but aside from the strange position, it was nice in a weird sort of way.
Gerard pulled his lips away from Frank’s entirely and pressed torturously slow chaste kisses along Frank’s cheek, trailing down along his neck and stopping at the collar of his shirt. He wrapped his arm around Frank’s middle and buried his face in the crook of Frank’s neck.
Frank stared at the ceiling, half-hard and hopelessly confused. Gerard definitely wasn’t a normal human being. “This can’t be comfortable.” Gerard said softly, shifting up and tugging on Frank’s shirt to pull him up against the pillows. “Come here.”
They fumbled into something of a spooning position. Gerard’s arm draped around Frank, his fingers lacing between Frank’s. Frank tried to redirect his focus back to the movie, since it seemed like Gerard wasn’t interested in sex suddenly.
But Gerard hadn’t said he wasn’t interested and Frank wasn’t done testing the boundaries. He pressed his ass against Gerard’s lap, feeling the firmness of Gerard’s hard-on poking against him. Gerard scraped his teeth over Frank’s neck then, squeezing his hand tighter and inhaling sharply, but he made no movements to go any further.
Frank was now completely hard and impossibly confused. He went limp in Gerard’s arms as Gerard continued to kiss his neck slowly and sweetly. Eventually Gerard stopped kissing him altogether and just cuddled up behind him, shifting so that he could hug Frank tighter.
Frank felt like he was on fire. Okay, very confused and on fire. He gave up focused on the movie instead. Gerard’s breathing was slow and even behind him on the pillow.
When the ending credits began to roll he glanced at the clock, it was almost 3 in the morning. With a heavy heart and a growing list of unanswered questions, he lifted the remote to turn off the TV and rolled over into Gerard’s arms, resting his head against Gerard’s chest. Gerard, of course, was happily fast asleep. Frank couldn’t help but snort to himself.
He began to drift off, still fully clothed and filled to brim with sexual frustration.
At least the dark wasn’t so bad when we wasn’t alone.

Notes