F*ck and Run

For the fourth morning in a row Gerard woke up on the cold, concrete floor in the basement of the Way family summer home. The cruel, blinding sunlight streaming in through the small rectangular window at the top of the wall served as a sign that he had survived another night.
It also made his head hurt.
He got up slowly, stretching and breathing through the fiery pain shooting threatening his muscles.
A bath towel and a glass of water sat at the bottom of the stairs. He wrapped the towel over his shivering shoulders and very slowly, very carefully made his way up the stairs. He crossed the hall and slumped into the bath Mikey had drawn for him, carefully working at the clumps of dried blood and fur that he had shed throughout the night. The water quickly tinted a murky, rusty color as the blood clots loosened and slid off, revealing shallow gashes that were quickly closing and healing up.
Mikey had added eucalyptus to the bath water. It was so soothing and familiar that Gerard quickly fell asleep, sinking down until the warm water covered his shoulders. He rested his head against the the cold lip of the tub, knowing it would be much more comfortable to lie down in a bed, but unable to make himself get up.
He could barely remember himself when Mikey came into the bathroom to wake him up and help him out of the tub some time later.
He halfheartedly dried off before collapsing on the pull-out-bed in the living room and sleeping dreamlessly until it was time for Mikey to lock him up again.

Later that night Gerard panted weakly on the same cold floor in the basement. The icy concrete floor felt almost soothing against his sweaty, feverish skin. Every thread of muscle protested as the transition began it’s takeover. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his aching wrist and tried to keep his mind off the nausea.
The pain was the worst thing Gerard had ever experienced. He never got used to it.
His ribs split apart. The hair on his arms thickened, pushing through the skin in a tearing sensation that burned like hot coals. His shoulders contorted down and back with horrific snapping sounds.
His entire anatomy was agonizingly rearranged as he laid there, closing his eyes and desperately trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. In his head he was somewhere far away. In a quiet room with lots of paint and an endless supply of rum, maybe. Gerard thought of Frank then. Fuck rum and paint. Gerard just wanted a quiet room with Frank in it.

He still hadn’t called Frank and Frank was just going to have to hate him for it.
It was just such a shame, Gerard thought, that he kept fucking things up with Frank because Frank was the only thing Gerard could think about in those moments before he was lost in a sea of wolfish impulses.
~

Frank would be a liar if he said he hadn’t been checking his phone more often than was necessary since he left Gerard’s place. His heart fluttered every time he thought about the way Gerard had pulled him close and told him that he wanted to see him again. That he’d call.
Frank hadn’t thought anything of it when Gerard didn’t call the first night. There was this waiting game people often played when they liked someone. Frank thought that perhaps Gerard was trying to take things slow. Gerard didn’t seem like he ever took anything slowly, but Frank could still believe it somehow. He wanted to believe Gerard had a good reason. But then Gerard hadn’t called the night after that or the night after that.
It had been 5 nights and he still hadn’t called.
Gerard wasn’t going to call and Frank hated him for it.

Gerard had said he was going out of town and his credentials checked out. Mikey had called out of the office, sending out an e-mail to all the staff at the record label saying he would be working remotely from a location outside of the city with bad cell reception. After that, Frank felt a little ridiculous for getting so upset. Even still, it seemed unlikely that Gerard had gone somewhere that didn’t even have fucking payphones.
Gerard totally could have called.

Frank wanted nothing more than to stop checking his phone and sighing dramatically when no word came from the beautiful, promiscuous man. He wanted to be done with Gerard and his incredible capacity for disappointment.

Of course, the moment Frank decided he’d had enough he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out of his pocket and checked the number. He couldn’t tell if he was surprised or not to find that it was Gerard calling.
He took a deep breath and prepared to let it ring and go to voicemail.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.
But Frank wanted a fucking explanation. After spending the last 5 days irritable and disappointed he deserved an explanation.
“Hi.” Frank huffed, answering the call.
“Frank?” Gerard’s familiar scratchy voice asked.
“Gerard.” Frank echoed coldly.
“How are you?” Gerard asked hoarsely.
“I been better.” Frank mumbled.
“Oh… I’m sorry. Is this a bad time?” Gerard asked, clearing his throat.
“It’s always a bad time, Gerard.” Frank sighed.
“Oh… right well… I was calling to see if you still wanted to catch a movie or something.”
“There aren’t any movies playing that I want to see.” Frank countered. It probably wasn’t true. Frank hadn’t checked movie times in the paper in quite some time but that didn’t matter. Frank wasn’t about to go on a fucking date with Gerard.
“...Well, maybe we could-”
“Gerard, you can’t just call me up when it’s convenient for you and act like everything’s fine. You said you’d call and-” Frank faltered.
“Ah. I had a feeling you might be upset with me.” Gerard tutted. “Look, I was- was… um… incapacitated for the last couple of days.”
“Incapacitated?“ Frank repeated skeptically. “What the fuck kind of excuse is that?”
“A poor one.” Gerard agreed casually. “But it’s the only one I can give you... I really want to see you. Are you busy?”
“Depends.” Frank sighed.
“On what?” Gerard pressed.
“If you’re just looking to hook up… I’m not interested.” Frank said flatly.
Gerard hummed softly.
“Well I’m not like, opposed to the idea of hooking up… “ Gerard finally said. “But I’m a bit too tired for anything like that. I was kinda hoping you’d wanna come over and like, hang out? We could watch a movie... or listen to music and talk or something?”
Frank just blushed and shook his head. Gerard was the weirdest fucking person he had ever spoken to. He was too collected and polite about everything.
“Frank?” Gerard asked softly.
Frank realized he hadn’t said anything. He bit his lip thoughtfully.
“Okay… “ Frank said softly, grimacing as his own lack of self control. He’d just wanted an explanation and now he’d agreed to see Gerard.
“Really?” Gerard breathed.
“Yeah… um… I’ll get on the next train.” Frank sighed.
“Cool. You remember where it is or you want me to text you the address?” Gerard asked.
“I remember where it is.” Frank said quickly. “See you soon.” He hung up before he could change his mind. He stared at his phone for a moment, seriously considering calling Gerard back and telling him he couldn’t come over.
He wondered if he should’ve lied about remembering where Gerard’s place was. He wished he could carry himself with the same casual, obliviousness that Gerard always seemed to possess.

There was a lot of cursing after that.
Frank cursed himself as he pulled on a warm jacket and toed into his shoes. He cursed himself as he slipped a few DVDs he thought Gerard might like in his backpack. He cursed himself as he was locking his apartment. He cursed himself as he walked down the street and down into the subway tunnel. He cursed himself as he sat on a bench in the subway car, pulling his headphones on and putting on the angriest, most distracting music on his Ipod. He tapped his hands nervously on his knees while the train screeched from stop to stop across town.
He got off the train, took the stairs to another platform and caught a train running express uptown. With each stop the train made, Frank very seriously considered getting off and catching the next train in the other direction towards home. He was so distracted by thoughts of not following through with going to see Gerard that he very nearly missed the stop that Gerard lived off of.
Which wouldn’t have been such a bad idea, Frank thought as he hurried off the train. He could’ve easily taken the train a few stops too far and then caught another train back home. He’d just call Gerard and say he hadn’t remembered correctly after all and had gotten horribly lost and given up.
The sun had gone down and Frank honestly had felt turned around for a moment as he tried to remember which direction Gerard’s street was. He zipped his jacket the rest of the way up, pulling the collar tightly around his neck, and buried his hands in his pockets. After a few minutes of wandering uncertainly through the chilly, windy, winter evening, until eventually Gerard’s looming apartment building came into view.
Frank was trembling with nerves as he climbed the steps to the entrance of the building. He hesitated with his index finger hovering over the button with the small “G. Way” label beside it. He had come so far it seemed silly to turn around. Even so he wanted nothing more than to turn around anyways and forget Gerard and everything about his strange ways.
Frank dropped his hand just short of pushing the button and turned on his heels, starting down the steps.
“Frank, wait!” a familiar voice yelled, when Frank had gotten just three paces away from the steps. He froze and spun around carefully.
Gerard was bounding down the stairs, quickly closing the space between them and pulling Frank into his arms. Frank inhaled sharply and held his breath. He didn’t hug Gerard back, but he didn’t pull away either. He just stood there and let Gerard hug him tightly as the wind whipped violently around them.
Frank realized he hadn’t needed an explanation for why Gerard hadn’t called, he wanted proof that Gerard gave a fuck. And somehow he felt like he had it now.
“How did I know you’d change your mind?” Gerard laughed. His breath was a welcome warmth in Frank’s hair.
“I changed my mind a thousand times on the way over here.” Frank admitted softly. His voice was so light that his confession was almost carried away on the wind.
“Well I hope you changed it again in the last 15 seconds. Come inside, it’s freezing out here.” Gerard said through chattering teeth, pulling out of the hug and tugging on Frank’s arm. Frank noticed he wasn’t wearing a jacket. He was wearing a thin, long-sleeved black shirt. It fit him quite nicely but it didn’t look very warm.
Frank allowed himself to be dragged inside and up several flights of stairs to Gerard’s apartment.
“Can I get you anything?” Gerard asked, glancing over his shoulder at Frank as he walked down the hall in the direction of the kitchen. Or, Frank assumed it was the direction of the kitchen. He’d never actually been in that part of Gerard’s apartment. Just the hallway he was standing in now, the bathroom and... Gerard’s bedroom
Frank’s heart fluttered.
Gerard spun around, smiling softly when Frank stared at him blankly rather than answering.
“I just made coffee but I don’t have any ahm… substitutes for milk. Do you take it black?” Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Um… just a little sugar is fine” Frank said softly, surprised Gerard had remembered he was vegan.
Gerard just nodded, spinning back around and disappearing into a doorway down the hall.
“Make yourself at home.” Gerard’s voice echoed through the apartment.

Notes

it's cute, right?
-m