Even Lights Can Fade Away

Work ended too quickly for my liking. Before I knew it Storming the Academy were packing up their instruments and getting ready to leave. I mentally face palmed myself when I realized that I had totally forgotten to check in on Saving Angels. I had spent all my time in here. I only slightly regretted it though. Ember and the gang really were a great band and fun to hang out with. I missed just being able to sit around and make music all day.
"Hey Frank!" Riley asked pulling me out of my daydream. I looked up startled and they all laughed. "We lost you there for a second!" I blushed, but it didn't fully grace my cheeks, leading me to believe that I needed to get more blood packets soon.
"Anyway," It was Ashlyn speaking this time, fiddling with a loose strand of hair casually. Ashlyn was always using her hands for something. She had so much energy and couldn't sit still which was just one reason why she was such an amazing guitar player. "We were wondering if you wanted to come out to eat with us. It's been a bit since we’ve seen you and it's like a celebration since it's Riley's birthday in like a week."
I froze. I wasn't sure how to respond. Of course I wanted to go out and celebrate with them, but I felt like I couldn’t. Gerard was already probably worried out of his mind, not to mention mad. I know I would be if the tables turned and I was in his place. Not only that, but they might get suspicious if I don’t eat or drink anything. I use to be a big party animal when I was human and they knew it. If I suddenly went out with them and didn’t even touch a drop of alcohol it would seem pretty weird.
I sighed. The cons definitely outweighed the pros.
“Actually I have to get back to my boyfriend. To be honest he didn’t think I was ready to go back to work yet so I kinda snuck out. I should probably go home.” I wasn’t sure why I was telling them so much, but I felt slightly relieved that I really didn’t lie. To my amusement they laughed.
“Dude I would’ve gone with your boyfriend. You were gone for over a month so you must’ve been pretty sick. He’s probably worried sick right now,” Ember advised. I blushed slightly (not as hard as a normal human with a full supply of blood) and hung my head guiltily.
“I know, I know,” I admitted glancing up through my fringe. “I was just tired of being in the house all the time and feeling like he didn’t trust me enough to know when I could go back.”
Ember smiled softly and pulled me into a hug. “Oh sweety, that just means he cares a lot about you. Don’t take it for granted”
“I won’t,” I promised hugging her back lightly.
“Speaking of which, when do we get to meet said boyfriend?” Cas asked, the others approving of his question with curious eyes. Gerard actually hadn’t been to the studio yet; with the exception of the day he came looking for me. He hadn’t actually been in the studio though.
“I’m not sure,” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ll talk to him about it tonight.”
“Yay!” Ember and Ashlyn cheered together. I smiled at their eagerness to meet my boyfriend.
“I can’t wait to meet him!” Ashlyn grinned up at me. “Try to bring him as soon as possible.”
“But for now go home and be with him!” Ember insisted shoving me in the direction of the front door. “We’ll see you tomorrow”
“Okay okay!” I cried out, shoving her playfully. “I can walk myself out.” I pushed open the glass door and stepped out on the curb to the sound of them calling goodbye. I waved at them before heading to my car.
Once again the drive created a bundle of nerves in my stomach, and by the time I was parked behind my building I was near a panic attack. Gerard was going to be so upset with me for up and leaving without warning. Sure I had left a note that I would be back but he would have expected me back hours ago.
Hesitantly I approached the lobby of the building. I opted to take the stairs instead of the elevator, hoping to prolong my time as long as possible. This would either go down nicely or kicking and screaming, and I was afraid it would be the latter.
All to quickly I approached our apartment door. I laughed at my intense nerves. I was acting like I was going home to an abusive boyfriend, not a one who loved and cared for me. I think I was mainly afraid that I would have disappointed him. Heaven knows he’s too perfect for me anyway. How many times would he allow me to mess up before he left me?
I put my key into the lock and slowly turned the knob, easing the door open. I walked into the entry hall and was greeted by silence. That’s a little odd… I walked into the living room and discovered why is was so quite.
Gerard’s sleeping form was on the couch, clutching a blanket to his chest and in the fetal position. I would have thought it was adorable if it weren’t for the pained expression across his face.
He suddenly let out a sudden whimper, startling me. He was having another nightmare. I was about to shake him awake when he started mumbling in his sleep. At first I thought he was awake because he called my name, but I soon realized he was still fast asleep.
“Fra…Frankie…don’t…ple…please…” I bit my thumbnail, torn on waking him up or listening to him talk in his sleep. Suddenly he got louder and he started sobbing in his sleep. “No Frankie…I’m…sorry…leave…no…!” Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I grabbed his shoulders shaking him awake.
He shot up in an instant, looking panicked and terrified, his hands scrambling wildly for something to hold onto.
“Gee! Gee! It’s me, calm down!” I grabbed his face between my hands and forced him to look at me. He did, staring at me with dilated pupils and his breathing erratic. He just stared at me with fear as I got up so that I could pull him into a hug. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here.” I breathed into his ear softly trying to get him to calm down.
“Frankie…” His voice came out choked. “Frankie, Frankie, Frankie.” He just kept on repeating my name, over and over. “Frankie, Frankie, Frankie…” I held him the entire time until he calmed down enough. It wasn’t until an hour or so later that he actually spoke anything besides my name.
“I woke up this morning from another nightmare. I saw your note but I was worried. I stayed up pacing for what felt like hours. I was so afraid that you had left me just like-“ His eyes widened and his hands went over his mouth.
“Just like what?” I asked, worried what the answer might be.
“Nothing, nothing,” He replied too quickly for my liking. “But I thought you had left and so much time went by and you didn’t come back. I called Mikey and Bob and they didn’t know where you were and I was so worried.”
I hung my head guiltily. “I’m so sorry Gee. I just really wanted to get back to work and I figured the only way you’d let me go back was if I proved I could handle myself.”
He nodded into my chest where he was curled up. “I’m sorry. I was being overprotective. I just should have let you go back, but I was just so afraid. Maybe I was being a little selfish too. I just-“
I shut him up by kissing him. He kissed back immediately.
“We were both in the wrong. How about that?” I asked. He nodded and I grinned and kissed him again. “You know I was actually super nervous as to how you would react all day,” I confessed playing with a lock of his dyed black hair.
“I could never be mad at you Frankie, even if you hated me,” Gerard whispered quietly into my shirt. I frowned suddenly, remembering earlier.
“Gee…” He pulled away and looked at me, confused by my sudden change of tone. “What were you dreaming about when I woke you up?” He paled if that was even possibly and his eyes began darting around.
“It was nothing. I don’t remember,” He gazed at me as if hoping by a miracle I wouldn’t detect his lie.
“Yeah mmhm. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sucky liar?” He glanced down at the carpet, his eyes becoming sad.
“I’m sorry, but can we just please not talk about it. I really don’t feel like it.” I felt a pain go through my chest at how sad and tired he looked just then.
“Okay fine,” I conceded. “But you know you can tell me anything right?”
“Yeah, I know,” He told me before curling back up into my side. My arms automatically wrapped around him as he grabbed the remote, turning on some Batman marathon he found on TV.
I couldn’t concentrate though on the marathon, which was saying something considering Batman was one of my favorites. It was bothering me though, Gee’s nightmares. It had been very clear from his sleep talking that they focused on me. What could I do that is so bad that he would have nightmares about it on a daily basis? Was I really that bad?
I didn’t believe him for one second when he told me he didn’t remember. That fear that had been in his eyes when he looked at me had been genuine, like his dream had been carried out into reality and he was still living it. And for some reason unknown to me, it was so bad that he wouldn’t even talk to me about it.
I sighed and gazed down at Gerard who was fully immersed in Batman. I would figure out what these dreams were about somehow, and then I would figure out a way to make them stop.
A sudden thought struck me though and it took all I could to stop myself from shaking and alerting Gerard to my sudden panic.
What if in order to stop his nightmares about me it means cutting myself out of the picture?

Notes

meh I really need more time to write. I feel like no ones reading this one...