Even Lights Can Fade Away

Gerard though was insisting that I didn't leave. Every time I brought up he would get this fearful look into his eyes and start panicking. Eventually I would end up just dropping it and telling myself I would go back the next day. It never happened though.
After a couple of weeks though I was starting to get annoyed though. Sure I understood the fact that he was concerned for me and worried that I might accidentally feed off of some innocent bystander, but he was being to over protective. His lack of confidence in me was aggravating, and it stung a bit to see how much he didn't trust me.
Gerard himself was different these days though. I could tell something was wrong, but he refused to tell me. It had something to do with his nightmares though. Every night he would wake up, screaming and shaking.
At first I had asked him what it was about, trying to get him to tell me what upset him so bad. He would never tell me though. He would just stare at me with widened guilty eyes before sobbing tear-less sobs. I wasn't sure why, but for some reason I felt like I was the cause of these nightmares. I wished with all my being that I could help him, but he wouldn't even tell me what was wrong. After awhile I stopped asking a just would hold him until he fell back asleep again.
I knew that things weren't the same anymore. Tension was building with each new day, and I was afraid of the wedge it might drive between us. Realizing this, I decided it was time I did something about it.
~~~
I yawned over exaggeratedly and stretched my arms out. Gerard glanced at me from him position on my lap.
"Tired already?" He asked with a small frown. I yawned again and rubbed my eyes before nodding.
"Yeah. Get up so that I can go to bed."
"Frank, it's only seven?" I glanced at the clock realizing that it was earlier than I had planned on it being. Well that put a dent in my almost thought out plan. I shoved him off my lap gently and stood up.
"I don't care, I'm tired and I'm going to bed." I announced and turned marching off in the direction of the bedroom. I heard him sigh deeply and heave himself off the couch just like I knew he would and follow me. I absent mindedly made my way towards the bedroom, my thoughts all rotating around a common point. I needed to get back to my work, and I needed to prove to Gerard that I could handle myself. Then maybe he would ease up and everything would go back to normal.
I sighed and tugged on the sleeve of my long sleeved shirt, frowning sadly. All I wanted was for things to go back to normal. Anyone could tell that Gerard things weren't like they use to be. I just wanted to go on dates again, and walk around outside, and eat human food, and marvel at my boyfriend who was this amazing immortal creature. I wanted to go back to how things were before I was a vampire.
I stopped suddenly, causing Gerard to crash into me.
"Woah Frankie, you okay?" I looked at him with widened eyes and nodded quickly, maybe even a little too quickly.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. You go wait for me I'm going to the bathroom!" I called slipping away as quickly as possible. I got into the bathroom and shut the door and locking it before sliding down against the smooth wood.
I sat there stunned. Had I really just wished I wasn't a vampire? Being a vampire meant I got eternity to spend with Gerard. How could I wish I didn't have that?
The twisting in my gut though told me that I had slightly meant what I said. I missed being human and doing human things. I wanted my human life back.
"It'll get better," I assured myself. "This life will get better." I wasn't sure if I really believed that though.

I felt like this longing sinking feeling in my chest was due to homesickness for my old life. In my old life I had my friends, my company, my family, everything I had ever looked forward to or worked for. This life so far consisted of Gerard, and even he seemed slightly distant from me. I felt confused and lost. I loved Gerard with my entire being. I would die for him multiple times if I had too. So shouldn't he be enough for me to be happy in this new version of reality?
I did love Gerard didn't I? I wanted to spend my entire life with him. I wanted to cuddle up with him and watch crappy movies and make fun of them. I want to have long serious talks about our opinions and dreams and hopes. I want to wake up in the mornings to the smoke detector going off because he burned breakfast. Hell, I even wanted to have a family with him someday. That was love wasn't it? I was pretty sure it was.
Yes, I decided. I'm in love with Gerard Way.
This life had to get better at some point. Gerard was just trying to protect me. Hopefully my actions tonight would change these too.
The twisting feeling in my gut wouldn't go away though.
~~~
"You were in the bathroom a long time," Gerard commented as I walked back into the bedroom after composing myself in the bathroom. It had taken several minutes of deep breathing and thoughts of puppies but I had finally managed to collect myself and go back to Gerard. I was still confused and feeling slightly guilty, but I hoped that as time progressed these feeling of slight regret would go away.
I rubbed my arm and gave him a small smile. "Oh I was just getting ready for bed and stuff," I murmured. He nodded, not arguing in the slightest with my excuse. He pulled the black comforter away from my side of the bed and patted the empty space.
"Okay, now come lay down. All your talk about being tired made me feel sleepy," He groaned looking a me accusingly. I shot him a cheeky grin before stripping down to my boxers and getting in next to him.
Gerard lay the comforter over my small frame and turned off the lamp on the bedside table before sliding back down onto the bed. He cuddled up closer to me and I willingly let myself be wrapped up in his embrace.
"Love you Frankie," He whispered into the darkness. I hugged him tighter.
"Love you too Geebear."
~~~
I spent the next to hours laying awake and staring into the darkness, trying anything and everything to keep myself awake. Gerard had fallen asleep only minutes after we had gotten in bed, but I wanted to make sure he was fully asleep before doing anything. I had helped pass the time by slowly but surely wiggling myself out of Gerard's embrace. It had worked, but it had been a long and slow process.
After what seemed like forever I deemed him fully asleep and stood up slowly, being careful as not to jostle the bed and wake him up. I reasoned if i did I would just pretend to be getting up to go to the bathroom.
I grabbed the clothes that I had shed on the floor a couple of hours earlier and tip toed out to the living room, deciding that I wouldn't want to risk getting changed in the bedroom. I pulled on a black hoodie over that, before feeling around in the dark for my car keys.
It took me a couple of minutes but I finally found them, still in the pocket of my Misfits hoodie. I grabbed them and walked towards the front door before pausing.
Should I write Gerard a letter or not?
On one hand it would keep him from worrying as much and he'd at least know Frank didn't just get up and leave him. But on the other hand if I left a note Gerard would most likely come looking for me and try to get me to come back.
I sighed a scrounged around for a pen and paper. I would write him a note but I would keep it simple and kinda vague. Just enough to let him know I was okay.
Gee,

I'll be back. Love you
xoxo Frnk
Okay, even I admit it was bad, but it would get the message across and that's all it needed to do. I tapped the pen against my temple before changing my mind and writing one more thing.
P.S. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I'm sorry

A little more satisfied with my note I left it where Gerard would find it, propped up on the counter and turned to leave the kitchen.
I shot the apartment one last glance before I snuck out the door.
It was probably bad to say, but I felt more free now than I had the last couple of weeks. I felt like I was entering the real world again, and finally some of the tension in my gut was released, causing me to feel happier.
I wasn't leaving Gerard, no way in hell. I was just proving to him that i could go to work tomorrow and behave myself. I'd be back by the end of the day tomorrow.
I'd prove that I could be good, and then things would start returning to normal.

Notes

This is kinda hard to write considering the week long gap between writing periods. But I'm managing. Sorry for posting late, but I got caught up in a show on netflix and was like binge watching.

Also I would like to thank all of you who showed support for my stuck in a homophobic catholic high school situation. You guys are awesome. Keep spreading the message; homophobia is gay

On a sidenote, Enot_killjoy talked to me about translating Bright Lights That Cast A Shadow into Russian so that Russian fans of MCR could read it. I of course agreed because to me that is insanely cool. So yeah don't judge me on what I think is cool :)