Bright Lights Cast A Shadow

Gerard didn't look as shocked as Mikey had anticipated.
Well, of course, a death wish didn't vanish over night.
'But why?', Gerard tried again.
Mikey stayed silent. It's not that he didn't want to talk to his brother but he didn't really know what to say.
Yes, he'd had his reasons but they seemed so petty. Would Gerard even understand? Mikey felt so ashamed all of a sudden. His actions were of a completely selfish nature, he knew that. He'd seen the way that Gerard had suffered, had seen the devastation in his eyes and his conscience was killing him, a feat that he hadn't yet accomplished.
He looked up at his brother and realized like a stab in his chest that Gerard had begun to cry again. Seeing the tears silently run down his cheeks made Mikey's level of guilt rise even higher and his resolve begin to crumble.
He didn't want to keep on living but could he really try again, now that he's seen the pain it causes Gerard?
One of the main reasons he thought it was okay to just end his life was because he thought that nobody was going to care. Now that he knows he was wrong he still doesn't want to continue living but he doesn't know if he has the heart to try again.
He's not a bad person and he has a conscience. He only realizes that he's also started crying when the tears begin to drop down from his face onto his chest. He is amazed by the small drops of slightly salty liquid that comes from his eyes and runs down his cheeks. He hasn't cried in forever. All he'd ever felt was numb. But now he was miserable. Mikey felt so guilty and he shared Gerard's pain. He cried harder, even beginning to sob. These weren't pleasant feelings but in this moment, Mikey embraced them wholeheartedly. For the first time in a long while he actually felt something.
He sat up and hugged his brother impulsively. They sat in an awkward embrace, both crying into the other's shoulder until Mikey's eyes stung and he had no more tears left to shed.
'I'm so sorry', he whispered, pulling back but not daring to look Gerard in the eyes and instead looking down at his lap, where his fingers were picking at the white sheets. 'It's okay', Gerard mumbled back with a hoarse whisper, even though they both knew that it was really not. 'I just don't get why you did it. Why didn't you come to me? Don't you know that I'll always be there for you?'.
Mikey shook his head. 'I guess I should have known. But it's not that easy.'
He felt very tired and his head hurt from all the crying. The sudden rush of emotion also had him really exhausted, so he fell back onto the pillow.
'What's wrong? Are you ok?', he heared Gerard's frantic voice as his eyes closed of their own accord. 'Fine', he slurred, almost half asleep already, 'just... gimme a break'. And with that he fell into a deep slumber.

When Mikey woke up about two hours later, Gerard was still there, but he too had fallen asleep. He was emitting those endearing little snores and his head rested on top of Frank's shoulder, who sat in the chair next to Gerard's with his observing eyes trained on Mikey and dried tear tracks still visible on his cheeks.
Mikey felt as though a bolt of lightning hit him right in the chest where his heart was beating faster. He'd made Frank cry. He didn't even think he had that power. He didn't want that kind of power, it was heart wrenching. He felt his levels of sympathy and regret rise. Yes, regret. But he wouldn't have that.
'What, did you come here to try to guilt trip me, too?', he said out loud and his voice was a lot more harsh and and angry than he had intended and he felt bad about it until Frank retorted in a surprisingly calm way.
'If that's what it takes to keep you alive, then yes'. There was not a trace of emotion in his words but that wasn't necessarily because his eyes said it all. They were heavily lidded, like he was tired and emotionally exhausted and the usual active spark of mischief and excitement was missing. Honestly, this man was such a bundle of energy sometimes, but right now he appeared eerily calm and collected and that was really unsettling.
Mikey realised how much he missed Frank and his personality, they used to be so close.
In this moment, he found himself wishing to restore this bond they had and also the one towards his brother and the rest of the band. It felt like he'd finally woken up from his stupor and now he missed everyone with an aching pain that spread throughout his entire body and was almost unbearable.
'I'm sorry ', Mikey said to Frank and there was nothing but honesty behind the words.
'I know', said Frank, 'I can see it. Please, please don't do it again. I know he meant it when he said he'd follow you into death', he whispered, indicating to Gerard who was still sleeping on his shoulder with a pained expresssion, 'and I can't lose the both of you at once. You'd start a suicide chain', he let out a humorless chuckle and they both knew that he was completely serious.

Notes

Well.... maybe things are looking up a bit?

I hope you enjoy it (: