Bright Lights Cast A Shadow

When he woke up again, Mikey didn't feel any different. He was still determined to end his life and he didn't have anything left to do. In that moment, he chose to do it today. He still didn't feel like getting up at all, but he wanted to do it soon. It made absolutely no difference whether he waited another hour or did it right now. It gave him more time to think about it but he wasn't going to back out of it. He had been thinking about it for a long time now and there was nothing holding him back, nothing there to tie him to this life.
He hadn't thought of a way to do it yet. He would prefer it to be a painless process. He knew that he didn't have any pills to overdose on, which would have been his method of choice. He remembered somebody he had once been close with always talking about how it would be easiest to slit your arms open along the veins in a tub full of water with the same temperature as one's body. This seemed to be somewhat appealing to him but he also expected it to take some time. He would have liked it to be over fast. He didn't have a gun, though and he also had no clue where he could get one. And he'd have to leave the house for that anyway, which he didn't want to do. There was not a thing he wanted to do anymore, except die. But that was not something that could just happen in the security of his own house. He was going to have to do it himself, play an active part in his demise.
He laughed at himself, what kind of stupid loser is too lazy to fucking kill himself? Pathetic.
He considered holding his breath until he suffocated but this wouldn't work anyway, he'd only become unconscious. He could also just stop eating and drinking and waste away in his bed without having to move another muscle ever again. This would be a slow and painful process, though and he'd rather have avoided this.
He decided to just go with bleeding out in a bathtub.
Sighing, he got up, slowly putting his feet on the cold ground beside his bed. He had always wanted to put a carpet there, but it was too late for that now. Shrugging, he walked towards his bathroom door. He didn't care about anything anymore. Opening the door, he walked inside, finding the mess he had almost forgotten abou. The mirror was broken, long cracks along the length of it, shards of glass were littering the floor. This was still the same from weeks ago, when Mikey couldn't stand his own reflection anymore. His knuckles had healed long ago, only small scars were left on them.
Clothes were strewn everywhere, some dirty, others torn. He took a step closer towards the ruined mirror to try to catch a last glimpse of himself. He couldn't really recognize anything, the damage was too big.
Sighing, he pushed a hand through his hair. It was greasy and a bit too long for his liking. It didn't matter anymore. He went to turn on the faucet to slowly fill the tub, profusely checking the temperature. Despite knowing that he was going to take his own life in a matter of only minutes, he was pretty calm, no nerves seemed to show at all. He even turned around, searching for some bubble bath, while the water was still running. Before pouring it into the tub, he thought better of it. It would surely sting and burn in his open wounds and causing pain was not his goal. He wanted to die in peace, not torture himself in his final minutes.
When the tub was full, he turned the flow off and went in search for a sharp object to slice his skin open. His best option was probably one of the kitchen knives. He chose a long one with a black handle and a thin blade. It looked sharp enough to cut the air. Satisfied with his search result, he returned to the bathroom, stripping on his way, throwing his clothes wherever.
The last piece of clothing he shed, his worn and old jeans that had holes at the knees, came down onto the floor with a clattering sound. He was confused for a second, before he remembered his cellphone in the back pocket. He took it out to look at it for a moment. It was of no use to him anymore. He laid it down on the edge of the tub together with the knife and then slowly climbed in.
Sighing, he leaned his head back and relaxed his body for a minute before sitting up straight and grabbing for the knife. The time had finally come to end it all. He had a lot of regrets but nothing he could change. He had nothing to live for. Taking the knife into his right hand, he set the blade at his left wrist and pushed down, breaking the skin. He cut his arm open to the elbow and then changed the hand to repeat the motion at the other arm. Blood was streaming out of the wounds continuosly. Resting his arms on his upper thighs under water, he was already feeling lightheaded. There was no turning back now. It was with a jolt that he remembered his older brother. Gerard was going to be devastated because he didn't leave him any message. Not that it mattered anymore. It was too late.
But he still had his phone right there. Even though he felt pretty weak by now, he grabbed it and dialed Gerard's number. His breathing became very shallow and his head started to spin while he listened to the dial tone. When Gerard finally picked up the phone, Mikey almost couldn't hold his head up. 'Hi', he breathed 'Gee, I love you, be safe. Goodbye'.
With that he let his phone fall down, it hit the tiled floor right beside the bathtub. He could faintly hear his brothers frantic shouting, before he heared nothing anymore, blacking out.

Notes

Thanks to ErinosaurXX, this is for you because I actually didn't plan on writing tonight but I'm just happy that you like it (:

Judy