Bright Lights Cast A Shadow

Waking up, Mikey found that his situation hadn't changed at all. He still hated himself and he was still alone. He didn't even have to check his phone to know that there was still no one who cared about him. He also somehow still felt tired, even though he had slept till noon. His stomach let out a growling sound, reminding him that he needed food, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and make something to eat. He had no more energy and drive in him, and honestly, he couldn't even remember what had ever driven him to do things. He looked just as miserable on the outside, as he felt on the inside. His hair was greasy and unwashed, he hadn't showered in over a week and he smelt like it. Despite sleeping most of his days away, he had dark circles under his eyes and his face was pale.
He didn't feel alive anymore, all he could feel was a constant numbness. He yearned to feel, to live. But nothing he had ever tried could really help in the long run, until the only thing he wanted was to fade away into nothingness, to die. Mikey felt dead already. He didn't think it would make much difference. To him it wouldn't matter. To the world, it also wouldn't matter, he was sure of it. Gerard might be shocked at first but he'd get over it and who else was there who cared just a little bit about him? Right, no one.
He couldn't think of a single person that would mourn his death, even though he tried so hard. Sure, there were people who claimed to care about him but humans are liars, it's in their nature.
Mikey didn't believe a single one of them. How could he, though, when he was a liar himself? He always told people that he was fine, on the rare occasion that someone bothered to speak to him and ask him how he was. He shouldn't be trusted to tell the truth, so it is only an act of naiveté to expect other people to be truthful. That's what he told himself. And he'd done it so frequently that he believed in it more than anything else. Mikey Way hadn't always been such a pessimist, though. When he was younger, he had been full of life and energy. He used to be quite popular back then.
He didn't know what happened and he didn't realize until it was too late, but he had ended up feeling more and more lonely and depressed and therefore isolated himself and pushed people away in order to be left alone by himself, which led to the drastic downward spiral of his life.
It was a process in which he lost everything, including his will to live. At first, people were concerned about him and he would often receive texts and calls from family and friends asking how he was doing.
All it did was annoy him, though, so he shouted at them to leave him alone or he lied to them, stating he was fine. He drove most people who cared about him away and he regretted that now. He had nothing left and he was craving for some of the attention his loved ones gave him, back then. But time couldn't be reversed and Mikey knew he had to live with that. Or he would rather die with it.
He wondered if he should leave a note for his brother. Would he even be found? Probably on christmas, when Gerard would call him to come over like he always does, just to have Mikey decline the offer because he doesn't mean it and he doesn't really want him there anyway.
He sighed tiredly, knowing that he wouldn't kill himself today. He was too sleepy right now and maybe he was also a little scared. That didn't change that fact that he wanted to do it, though. Preferably in the near future. He was just as tired of living and of the world in general as he was tired in the physical sense, so with the determination to end his life soon, he fell asleep again.

Notes

Hi!
My co-author seems to not be on speaking terms with me for whatever reason.
So I (IfIWereATurtle) decided to get on with this story on my own. You can expect semi-regular updates from now on.
Tell me what you think so far?

Judy