It was finally the last day until winter break. Two whole weeks of being alone , just like last year and the year before that and the one before that. I had seen Gerard and , fucking hell he looked like a mess. Whenever I caught a glance of him my heart did a stupid stutter step. I really couldn’t help it , i was still so fucking in love with him it made my chest physically ache. He had slight stubble growing on his face and his hair wasn’t as nice as it used to be. He looked un groomed and rough. For two days his eyes had been bloodshot and his actions weren’t that sure. I couldn’t wrap my mind around why he was acting like this. I hadn’t seen any girls in a 5 foot radius of him. Not even Sammy came close to him. He walked with his body slumped and his eyes trained to the floor. Rumors spread that he hadn’t been going to any classes , and that he just chain smoked outside. I caught more rumors that he got into fights for no reason. The rumors were proved when he came into school with his knuckles cut up. He lacked his normal confident , badass aura. It took a lot of refraining to not go to him and kiss him. I was so fucking thankful it was the end of the day. I could finally sit around the whole day and eat ice cream and self loathe. The hallway was mostly empty because everyone had caught the last bus home for break.
“Frank?” My heart literally stopped beating for a few seconds. His voice was raspy and almost unrecognizable. Fucking Christ. I turned my head slightly to see Gerard with his shoulders slumped and his arms hanging limply at his sides. I could finally understand why no one came within a 5 foot radius. He smelled slightly of alcohol and he looked 10 times worse up close and personal. He looked tired and worn. Cautiously he lifted his eyes from the ground and locked them with mine. My heart broke to actually look him straight in the eyes. His expression was solemn and his eyes were splattered with pure sorrow. I closed my locker and turned to face him fully. “We really , really need to talk.” his voice was wrecked and harsh. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “Sure.” I breathed out. He ran a hand down his face. “What you saw..” He trailed off his voice cracked sadly. “I had been trying to get Sammy off my back the whole day , that day.” he swallowed dryly after rubbing his right eye. My heart pounded against my rib cage nervously. “When she kissed me , I swear to you I tried pushing her away.” his voice cracked again. “I didn’t kiss her back and i thought I was going to throw up when she was that close to me.” My headache came back , why hadn’t I just listened to him? He looked like he was about to cry. “I’ve downed 4 bottles of whiskey in two days.” his voice wobbled , like mine did when I was about to cry. Please No. “Ive ruined my room and I broke some guys nose yesterday.” his eyes watered over , his voice soft. His breathing got more sporatic and choked. “B-but what i’m really trying to say here…” My hands shook slightly when I tucked my hair behind my ear. I couldn’t believe this was Gerard Way standing in front of me , on the verge of breaking down. I gulped and watched him tremble. “Is that I can’t fucking go on without you Frankie baby.” His voice hoarse. The tears that had pooled in his eyes started cascading freely down his face. My heart smashed inside of my chest , leaving the aching feeling to turn more intense in my chest. Suddenly he dropped to his knees in front of me , landing with a thud. My eyes widened and my own breathing got hard when he fell to his knees. “I will do anything for you to take me back.” he sobbed , his hands in a praying position. I kneeled down to him and put my hand on his cheek. He pushed his head into my hand like it was the most human contact he’d ever gotten in years. “Im sorry , I love you.” His words oozing angst and pain. His eyes were closed and leaking tears , his body was convulsing forward from crying. “Gerard look at me.” I whispered against his loud sobbing. Hestitantly he opened his eyes. The look in his eyes was smoldering. Heartbreak in its purest form burned in his eyes. “You already have me Gerard , you don’t need to ask again.” he choked on his breath then he placed his hands on both sides of my face , his grip was tight. He gazed deeply and lovingly into my eyes , melting my heart. Not even seconds later he lunged forward and sealed our lips together in the most passionate kiss he’d ever given me. He didn’t ask for permission before shoving his tongue in my mouth. “Fuck.” he moaned into my mouth. He released my head and ran his fingers down my arms to my hips. He squeezed my waist , the most endearing action he could do. I whimpered in his mouth and tugged his hair. In response he groaned gutterally. Yanking my hips to his , closing any distance between us. I thought he was going to swallow my whole face the way he was kissing me. My skin was on fire , just like the first times he ever touched me. It felt like the gap in my heart was refilled. The new ache in my chest wasnt heartbreak. It was love. A feeling so big and beautiful I thought it would seep from my skin. Silently he slipped his hands under my crewneck. His fingers were spread , his big hands sliding up and down my bare back. He moaned quietly. He pulled away to breathe. “Two whole fucking days.” he drifted off placing another kiss on my lips. “This is what happens when I can’t kiss you for 48 hours.” he breathed against my lips. “48 hours..” he cut himself off with a kiss to my lips. “Of self destruction and heartache.” i sighed and tugged the collar of his jacket , kissing him again. “Lets go home baby.” he mumbled against my lips , while lifting me up. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You’re still a loser.” i giggled into his neck , earning me goosebumps to rise on his skin. “Yeah , your loser.” he chuckled harshly while walking to the car. “Oh , Mikey , mom and dad are gone for break.” he whispered in my ear , chills running down my back. His stubble scratched my cheek slightly. His hand slipped to my , butt squeezing gently. “Mhmm.” I hummed , completely overjoyed I wouldn’t be spending break alone. But i would be spending it with the love of my life.

Notes

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