It was a long night, a very, very long night. Sierra’s breach of privacy made me curious enough to read back, starting a whole new cycle of bad memories. They latched onto me, one by one, weighing me down until sleep seemed like an easy way out. I was trying so hard to stay awake but the silence kept whispering inaudible reasons in my ears, the words mumbled but the tone so sure that it was okay to let my eyelids give in.

It was about three or four when you came in my room. It was a little knock that broke the silence’s speech. I knew it could only be you. My stomach dropped, waking me up for a moment. You nudged the door open and when you were finally before me, all I could feel was the fuzziness in my head and fluttering of my eyelids. No longer cause I was sleepy, but because I was encapsulated by your presence.

“Hey,” you said softly. And I suddenly remembered the parents that slept below us.

I didn’t say anything but I must have had an internal thought behind my eyes. A curious look that was deep in them.

“I can’t sleep,” you told me, shifting your hands from your sides to behind your back. Shoulders itching up at your ears. Eager.

My mind instantly flashed back to you in my doorway on the night. But I back pedaled, trying to get myself out of that mindset.

You stepped further towards me. Pushing the door behind you closed. I felt my blood rise in my face, getting more uneasy by the moment.

You came and sat next to me on the edge of my bed. I looked down to my feet. Unable to look at you. All I could do was feel you next to me. Your presence and aura so strong that my dim room already seemed brighter and warmer than before.

“Sometimes I don’t understand,” you began. “You were always so much more outgoing than me. Such an extrovert. Now you are the shyest person I’ve ever seen. I’m having to be the outgoing one for a change.” As you finished your thought, you reached out for my hand.

I closed my eyes. I felt the shadow of your hand coming towards me. I just didn’t think I could bear seeing it. I felt your cool skin. Slowing down the blood flow again. Intertwining your fingers in mine.

“Are you okay?” you whispered.

I shook my head no. “But don’t stop,” I whispered back. The adrenaline was pumping through me and somehow, what I knew was wrong was making me feel alive for the first time in too long.

You lay down next to me on my bed and dragged my hand along with you till it was pulling awkwardly away from me. The silent invitation for me to lie down too. I felt the gasp wait in my throat. I tried to force it back down. I took a large gulp of petrified air before easing myself down next to you.

I didn’t need to look at you. I knew you were smiling. But my eyes were still closed so tight that all my other senses were off the walls. The perfect softness of your hand in mine, the sound of you breathing so slowly next to me, the dryness of my mouth from the nerves. I didn’t know whether I was in heaven or hell at this point.

“You okay?” you whispered after a long time.

“I can’t tell,” I said back. The tiredness was audible in my voice and it was lowering my inhibitions at this point.

“Go to sleep,” you said.

“But I can’t. I’ll do bad things.” My eyes felt so heavy.

“No you won’t. Not if I’m here. Go to sleep.”

I don’t know if I was just exhausted or frustrated or both, but for some reason I believed you.

I really wish I had stayed awake and not followed your orders.

But I didn’t. And it wasn’t long before I was regretting ever letting you come into my room.