This Is How I Disappear
To Un-explain the Unforgivable
Things like this happen everyday. But you never realize how horrifying the situation really is- until it happens to you.
“Wake up! Wake up!” I fluttered my eyes opened and groaned softly to Magdalena shaking my shoulder with her tiny hands. Her curls were a frizzy mess on top of her head, her torn nightgown showing off her thin, pale stature. Her ribs flashed momentarily, and I sighed as I pushed her lightly away.
“Ok Lana, I’m up..” I smiled softly and rub my eyes, my sight becoming more focused on Magdalena jumping up and down, throwing my good clothes every which way until a “proper” shirt landed on my face. I removed the blouse from my face, its off-white lace neckline wrinkling between my closed fingers. My dark, thin golden locks fell lightly around the garment, my ratty, split ends clearly visible against the smooth fabric. I poked my finger through the one hole towards the bottom of the shirt- this was one of my better shirts.
“Let’s go!” She ran into the bathroom we shared, clutching her hairbrush tight between her fingers. I looked at her through the door frame, shifting slightly so the sunlight bouncing off the empty hinges would stay out of my eyesight.
I placed the shirt neatly on the floor and flung the tattered fabric I dared call a blanket to the side. The cool september air hit me hard, and I shuddered- wanting nothing more than to curl back up on my off-stained mattress after a nice bowl of soft oatmeal. I walked through the small door frame and took the hairbrush from Magdalena’s bony fingers. Anxiety reflected off her brown, tired eyes.
“Ow!” She yelped and pouted, trying to rip the brush from my hands. “You’re hurting me!”
“Jesus, Magdalena- You’ve gotta start brushing your own hair. You’re six years old, sestra. I won’t be here forever, you know.
“Anita doesn’t hurt me with the brush!”
“Well you told me to hurry.” I stated plainly, ripping away roughly as her curls swallowed the brush. “I thought today was the big day?” She stayed silent as her face fell.
“I miss Anita..” She squeezed her eyes tight shut as she started to cry lightly, her tears hitting the cracked ground silently. I shook away tears of my own as small memories of our older sister began to surface.
“Me too, ‘Lena. Me too...”
It took me another twenty minutes to untangle all the rats nests that form in her hair seemingly overnight. I never had that problem- My hair has always been pin thin, never a curl in sight. I guess I was lucky, in a way, but Magdalena has always had prettier hair than myself. Even with her face wet and stained, it still had a sort of flawless, tan perfection to it- much different to my lighter skin tone.
Truth be told, I’ve always been slightly jealous of my six year old sister. Her young features and her happy-go-lucky view of the world made me wish I were her age again. The way rich men look at her as we walk through the market, wishing she were of age that they could marry her. I was almost of that age, but no men have approached my parents to arrange anything. I could see the frustrated looks upon my father's face as my twelfth birthday grew nearer day by day, and my mother became more nervous as time passes on. At least Magdalena keeps my parents happy, doing as she is supposed to without even trying.
“Seiko! Magdalena!” I heard my mother call us from the other room, notifying us about breakfast. I quickly grabbed the brush, yanked it through my soft locks one last time and rushed myself and Magdalena towards our mother’s voice as it called us for a second time.
"Goodness girls, you look horrendous! Seiko, where is your good shirt? I hope you know you're not going out like that, your father would be very displeased." She scolded me and I uninterestedly tossed her words to the side and let my eyes wander in search for food. Mama continued to squabble as she fixed whatever she found off before tidying Magdalena's shirt.
"Mama, I thought you were calling us for breakfast, I've only been awake for twenty minutes." I threw my hands back in my hair, fixing my part to make it more comfortable. I gently tucked it away before continuing. "I'll put on my shirt when I'm finished eating- what if I got it dirty?"
"You need to travel to the market today, we're out of fruit." My mother scrambled throughout the room like a headless chicken in search for something. Was she even listening?
"Why are you still standing there? Go! You may eat when you two get back. Magdalena, you too." My mother finally picked up a piece of paper and handed it to me, relieved. I quietly scanned the paper:
-Bananas
-Apples
-Peaches
She dropped a few bills into my hand and shoo’d us back to my room. I picked up the white blouse and the long black skirt that was resting on the clean piece of cardboard we only used for "special occasions", which seemed to be happening more and more. I shook the skirt a few times, loosening any dirt that may have come into contact with it and watched the dusty particles fall to the floor. I slid the flowy fabric up and around my waist and buttoned up my shirt, careful of the quarter sized hole that seemed to cover up nicely once I neatly tucked up underneath my skirt.
As I started to walk back towards the Main Room, I couldn’t help but notice the crumpled picture of my older sister sitting on my bureau. I picked it up, flattening out the wrinkles and admiring her features. People used to say we looked alike, but I always thought they were blind to her obvious perfections and my more bland features. But now, I’m starting to see more and more of myself in her. I just wish she was here, maybe Mama wouldn’t expect so much from me.
"Seiko..." My mother warned.
"Okay! Coming!" I rolled my eyes and straightened my posture before presenting myself to my family.
My mother looked me up and down before a warm smile spread across her boney cheeks. I looked to my sister’s face, her big eyes shining with approval.
"You're so pretty!" She squealed, clapping her hands together and jumping excitedly. I flashed a crooked smile at the beautiful child.
"Oh my beautiful dochku, you look so much better. Now hurry along, before all the fresh fruit are taken away by those greedy soldiers." She looked down shamefully and sighed deeply before quickly pecking me on the top of my head, her tall, skinny frame easily towering over my own myself and my sisters short ones. Grasping my sister’s hand lightly, I led her out the door and towards the market that seemed more like a home to us than our real one.
“Wake up! Wake up!” I fluttered my eyes opened and groaned softly to Magdalena shaking my shoulder with her tiny hands. Her curls were a frizzy mess on top of her head, her torn nightgown showing off her thin, pale stature. Her ribs flashed momentarily, and I sighed as I pushed her lightly away.
“Ok Lana, I’m up..” I smiled softly and rub my eyes, my sight becoming more focused on Magdalena jumping up and down, throwing my good clothes every which way until a “proper” shirt landed on my face. I removed the blouse from my face, its off-white lace neckline wrinkling between my closed fingers. My dark, thin golden locks fell lightly around the garment, my ratty, split ends clearly visible against the smooth fabric. I poked my finger through the one hole towards the bottom of the shirt- this was one of my better shirts.
“Let’s go!” She ran into the bathroom we shared, clutching her hairbrush tight between her fingers. I looked at her through the door frame, shifting slightly so the sunlight bouncing off the empty hinges would stay out of my eyesight.
I placed the shirt neatly on the floor and flung the tattered fabric I dared call a blanket to the side. The cool september air hit me hard, and I shuddered- wanting nothing more than to curl back up on my off-stained mattress after a nice bowl of soft oatmeal. I walked through the small door frame and took the hairbrush from Magdalena’s bony fingers. Anxiety reflected off her brown, tired eyes.
“Ow!” She yelped and pouted, trying to rip the brush from my hands. “You’re hurting me!”
“Jesus, Magdalena- You’ve gotta start brushing your own hair. You’re six years old, sestra. I won’t be here forever, you know.
“Anita doesn’t hurt me with the brush!”
“Well you told me to hurry.” I stated plainly, ripping away roughly as her curls swallowed the brush. “I thought today was the big day?” She stayed silent as her face fell.
“I miss Anita..” She squeezed her eyes tight shut as she started to cry lightly, her tears hitting the cracked ground silently. I shook away tears of my own as small memories of our older sister began to surface.
“Me too, ‘Lena. Me too...”
It took me another twenty minutes to untangle all the rats nests that form in her hair seemingly overnight. I never had that problem- My hair has always been pin thin, never a curl in sight. I guess I was lucky, in a way, but Magdalena has always had prettier hair than myself. Even with her face wet and stained, it still had a sort of flawless, tan perfection to it- much different to my lighter skin tone.
Truth be told, I’ve always been slightly jealous of my six year old sister. Her young features and her happy-go-lucky view of the world made me wish I were her age again. The way rich men look at her as we walk through the market, wishing she were of age that they could marry her. I was almost of that age, but no men have approached my parents to arrange anything. I could see the frustrated looks upon my father's face as my twelfth birthday grew nearer day by day, and my mother became more nervous as time passes on. At least Magdalena keeps my parents happy, doing as she is supposed to without even trying.
“Seiko! Magdalena!” I heard my mother call us from the other room, notifying us about breakfast. I quickly grabbed the brush, yanked it through my soft locks one last time and rushed myself and Magdalena towards our mother’s voice as it called us for a second time.
"Goodness girls, you look horrendous! Seiko, where is your good shirt? I hope you know you're not going out like that, your father would be very displeased." She scolded me and I uninterestedly tossed her words to the side and let my eyes wander in search for food. Mama continued to squabble as she fixed whatever she found off before tidying Magdalena's shirt.
"Mama, I thought you were calling us for breakfast, I've only been awake for twenty minutes." I threw my hands back in my hair, fixing my part to make it more comfortable. I gently tucked it away before continuing. "I'll put on my shirt when I'm finished eating- what if I got it dirty?"
"You need to travel to the market today, we're out of fruit." My mother scrambled throughout the room like a headless chicken in search for something. Was she even listening?
"Why are you still standing there? Go! You may eat when you two get back. Magdalena, you too." My mother finally picked up a piece of paper and handed it to me, relieved. I quietly scanned the paper:
-Bananas
-Apples
-Peaches
She dropped a few bills into my hand and shoo’d us back to my room. I picked up the white blouse and the long black skirt that was resting on the clean piece of cardboard we only used for "special occasions", which seemed to be happening more and more. I shook the skirt a few times, loosening any dirt that may have come into contact with it and watched the dusty particles fall to the floor. I slid the flowy fabric up and around my waist and buttoned up my shirt, careful of the quarter sized hole that seemed to cover up nicely once I neatly tucked up underneath my skirt.
As I started to walk back towards the Main Room, I couldn’t help but notice the crumpled picture of my older sister sitting on my bureau. I picked it up, flattening out the wrinkles and admiring her features. People used to say we looked alike, but I always thought they were blind to her obvious perfections and my more bland features. But now, I’m starting to see more and more of myself in her. I just wish she was here, maybe Mama wouldn’t expect so much from me.
"Seiko..." My mother warned.
"Okay! Coming!" I rolled my eyes and straightened my posture before presenting myself to my family.
My mother looked me up and down before a warm smile spread across her boney cheeks. I looked to my sister’s face, her big eyes shining with approval.
"You're so pretty!" She squealed, clapping her hands together and jumping excitedly. I flashed a crooked smile at the beautiful child.
"Oh my beautiful dochku, you look so much better. Now hurry along, before all the fresh fruit are taken away by those greedy soldiers." She looked down shamefully and sighed deeply before quickly pecking me on the top of my head, her tall, skinny frame easily towering over my own myself and my sisters short ones. Grasping my sister’s hand lightly, I led her out the door and towards the market that seemed more like a home to us than our real one.
Notes
Heyyyyooooooooo. Guess who's back? Kinda. Lol Hey.
Comment, Rate, Subscribe, Criticize- you know what to do~
Xoxo
-Hazel
You're back! YAYYY!!! :D
9/2/15