I'm Not Okay

The next day when I woke up Gerard wasn't in bed and I heard my baby crying in the monitor, I went to go check on him and he was hungry. When I took him downstairs to feed him I saw Gerard on the phone, he was so focused on what someone was saying because he didn't wave back when I waved to him. I sighed but decided to not let it hurt my feelings; I carried on with feeding Bryce some applesauce which he loved by the way. After he ate we decided to mess around which consisted of me tickling him. I would have continued but I heard Gerard yelling some pretty nasty things, some words that a baby shouldn't hear. I decided to take peanut down to the new music room in the basement, I laid him down on a blanket on the floor and took out my guitar and started writing a new song; I called it "Save Yourself I'll Hold Them Back".

When lunch time came around I was absolutely starving, probably since skipping breakfast or being pregnant with twins, either one. I took peanut back upstairs and I saw Gerard was still on the phone, this time though he saw me and gave me one of those quick forced smiles, but also ushered me over to him. I walked over and he pecked my forehead then Bryce's, Bryce reached out for him but Gerard had already turned around and gone back to talking on the phone. I sighed again and pulled Bryce back and took him upstairs to get him changed, after he had a clean diaper on I got a phone call from an old friend.

"Jamia!"

"Frankie! How have you been? How life as a father?"

"It's good, really trying though."

"Aww I bet, so you doing anything right now?"

"About to make some food, I'm starving."

"Wanna go out for lunch?" She asked.

"Yeah sure, but I'm gonna have to bring Bryce along. Is that okay?"

"Aww yes! I wanna meet the baby!"

"Sweet so I'll meet you at the little diner on 2nd street?"

"Sounds great I'll be there in a few minutes." She said then we hung up.

"Looks like someone is gonna meet one of daddy's old friends." I said in a baby voice to Bryce. He squealed in delight.

As I left the house I told Gerard I was leaving but I guess he didn't hear me because he was still on the phone.


Jamia and I have been friends since we were like 12, she is a lesbian and I'm gay, when we became aware of our sexualities we didn't want to be bullied anymore then we already were so we "dated" you know that kind where we'd kiss in public and go out as friends but whenever we'd see anyone from out school we'd make us look like a legit couple. So we "dated" all the way through high school, but since went different places in our life's we just fell out of the loop, we'd still call each other and talked ever once in a while.

When I parked I took Bryce and carried him inside in his car seat. When I went inside I saw Jamia in a booth and when she saw me she started waving like crazy; a hug smile broke out on my face and I rushed over to see her.

"Frankie!" She exclaimed then came over to hug me after I put Bryce down in on the seat.

"It's so good to see you again." She said, "Now lemme see the baby."

I laughed then took peanut out of his car seat and handed him over to her.

"My god he's a cutie," she said as she rocked him in her arms, after a few seconds be ended up spitting up on her.

"Not so cute anymore is he?" I asked as I took him back and she cleaned herself up.

"He's still adorable."

We continued to catch up and talk with each other for a while, I had Bryce sit in lap as we ate and I spoon fed him some yogurt as Jamia and I continued to talk. Apparently she was very serious about the girl she had been dating, I'm really happy for her. About the time we had finished eating and we were waiting for the bill I got a phone call from Gerard.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Where the hell are you and Bryce?"

"We left like an hour ago; I told you I was leaving."

"No you didn't." He sounded pretty pissed.

"Yes I did, you were just too busy on your damn phone."

"I was at meeting, the only reason I was on the phone was so I could make sure you and Bryce are okay. How am I supposed to do that when you leave?"

"You weren't even paying attention to us, Bryce tried reaching out for you earlier and you didn't even notice." I took a deep breath. "Look, you're mad at someone and that someone isn't me so don't take it out on me." I said then hung up.

"Problems in paradise?" Jamia asked.

"You can say that." I said then we both laughed.

"As much as I'd love to stay and catch up, I have to go. My girlfriend and I are going to a party in a bit."

"Well thanks for the invite." I said sarcastically and she laughed.

"Bye Frankie," she said as she hugged me then kissed peanuts forehead, "Bye Bryce."

After she left I buckled Bryce back up in the car, his eyes were kinda droopy and I knew he would be asleep before we got home.

"Alright baby, let's go home." I said as I pulled a blanket out and tucked him in. When I pulled up my driveway I carried a now sleeping Bryce on my arms and quietly walked inside. Inside Gerard was waiting for me on the sofa, when he saw me he stood up and handed me a rose. I smiled and shifted Bryce to one of my arms then took it.

"I'm sorry for getting mad at you, I was just still angry from the meeting."

"its fine, I'm always here to talk when you need it just don't get mad at me for no reason please."

"I won't I'm sorry." He said then leaned down to kiss me. "So who did you have lunch with."

"Jamia, it was really nice catching up with her and-"

"Wait, the Jamia you dated?" He asked sounding angry again.

"Yes, the lesbian one, and in case you forgot Gerard I'm gay for you and pregnant with your second and third child." I said harshly defunding myself.

Gerard took a deep breath and sighed, "I'm sorry baby."

"What are you so worked up about?" I asked sitting on the sofa.

"Lynz is not making this easy, at this rate it will be two years before we are divorced. She's fighting over a necklace that's worth some money, she's saying it's here's because she's a girl even though it's mine. My grandmother gave it to me and I was saving it for my daughter or if I never have one a niece. I wanna keep it in the family and she wants to sell it. It's not just that I wanna keep it in the family but that it was my grandmothers and she seems to forget how close we were before she died."

"Aww baby," I said then leaned on him. I would have hugged him if I wasn't holding the baby. "I'm sorry; tell your lawyer that maybe it'll help?" I offered.

"Maybe." He said then kissed the side of my head.

Notes

Im sorry about the wait, I would have tried to post it yesterday but I was busy, there may be a second update tonight but if not it will be tomorrow.

Till next we meet my killjoys