I'm Not Okay

Three in the morning is usually when people sleep right? Yeah well not me, I spent it hunched over the toilet throwing up, probably the worst I had throughout this pregnancy. After what felt like forever, my stomach subsided and I brushed my teeth before crawling back into bed with Gerard. He wasn't woken up by me and I am thankful for that, he's so peaceful when he sleeps. I fell asleep right after I closed my eyes. The next time I woke up I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost five in the morning, I started to wonder why I woke up but then I heard Bruce cry from the monitor, I sighed and got up from my warm bed and walked through the cold air in my house to his room. When I got there he was still crying a bit but when he saw me he stopped and reached out for me, in my sleepy state I still smiled back and took him out, as is picked him up I checked his diaper to find it completely soiled.

"You sir poop a lot." I told him then took him over to the changing table.

"There you go, all clean." I said as I redressed him. I looked down at him and saw he was wide awake.

"You're not gonna go back to sleep are you?" I asked. He smiled and started to blab a bit.

I shook my head at him then sat down in the rocking chair and rocked back and forth while he was snuggled in my neck. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

The next time I woke up it was because my stomach was turning again, I quickly placed sleeping peanut back in his crib and ran to the hallway bathroom. As I threw up I could see from the corner of my eye that the sun had already come out. Great. While I was throwing up I felt hands run up and down my back, when I finished and pulled away from the toilet i turned and saw Gerard giving me a sad smile.

"Did you even sleep last night baby? You have dark rings under your eyes." He said as I brushed my teeth.

"Barely I was up all night either vomiting or taking care of peanut." I said finishing then leaning into Gee, he held me close and kissed my head.

"Okay, it's only seven; go back to bed until like eleven or twelve then I'll wake you up."

"What about Bryce?"

"Am I really useless?"

"Just a bit." I said then leaned up and kissed his lips. He smiled into the kiss.

"Go get some sleep." He said pushing me out of the bathroom.


******* After nap*******

"Come on baby wake up." Gerard said softly as he gently shook me awake. "You need to get up now if you wanna shower."

"Shower with me." I said, my eyes still closed.

"As much as I’d love to get it on," he purred in my wait then planted a kiss on my lips. "Mikey and Ray are here, I'm pretty sure they don't wanna hear us getting it on in the shower." He said then kissed me again.

"Fine." I said getting off the bed, and ruffling my hair. "Go put his stroller in the car and pack like a shit ton of blankets, I want no press getting any pictures of his face or anything."

"Okay." He said then left the room; I went into the shower and made myself presentable.

If I was gonna face the press I needed to look good. I decided to go with skinny black jeans, black shirt, and black (fake) leather jacket. Manly pregnant man right? After I thought I looked good I went downstairs to find Gerard cooking and Mikey and Ray were at the table. Ray was holding peanut and feeding him some baby mushy food, it was green; sometimes I feel bad for my little peanut for having to eat that nasty looking stuff. I walked into the kitchen and Gerard saw me then whistled.

“What’s up hot stuff?" He asked then came over and pecked my lips.

"Hey there a baby here, keep it PG." Mikey said.

I turn to face him the stuck my tongue out at him. Gerard turned around and handed me a plate of egged and bacon. I looked up at him and have him a questioning look.

"Tofu bacon." He said

"Ooh thanks." I said then took a seat down and began to eat, I looked over at Ray who was holding Bryce; Bryce let out a yawn and started to close his eyes.

"No!" I said then went over to them and clapped near his face.

Bryce's eyes shot open and he looked around the room.

"What was that for?"

"I want him to sleep during the press meeting, the longer he's awake the more he'll sleep."

"Okay." Ray said then he started to play with peanut to keep him awake.

"Okay guys, its twelve-fifteen we got to get going." Mikey said.

I nodded and finished my food really fast.

"You're gonna throw up if you eat that fast." Gerard said, I showed him how pretty my middle finger is.

After I finished my food then took peanut out of Ray’s arms and put him in his car seat, I then put a blanket over his seat and made sure you couldn't see inside it. I went down to pick him up but Gerard stopped me and picked up the seat instead. We all climbed in the car after Bryce was locked in and we all drove there, the closer we got to the press meeting the more nervous I got. Gerard held my hand the way there, it helped but not by much. When we got there was some press waiting for us. We all got out and I heard shutters going off and I was so thankful for the blanket covering my baby. Gerard opened the trunk to get the stroller out but I told him to just leave it there and we'll carry the car seat. He nodded then picked up the seat and we all started walking inside, while he carried the seat I carried the diaper bag full of all things my peanut might need. As we walked in people were talking pictures I started to feel uncomfortable until Gerard out his arm around my shoulder and held me close to him, he also planted a kiss on the side of my head; camera shutters were going off like crazy. But I loved how Gerard wasn't ashamed of it and how he sensed I was uncomfortable and is trying to help me. My love for this man will never end.

We walked into the press room and to the panel where we would be speaking to everyone, off to the side I saw out manger and I pulled on Gerard to make him take peanut over there, he nodded and we took Bryce over there and dropped his car seat off by him and had him watch him, I also dropped off the diaper bag.

"No matter what, this blanket doesn't leave it; I want no one to see his face." I told him.

He nodded and I bent down and carefully stuck my face in the car seat to check on him, Gerard was standing by me so no one would be able to see him. Bryce's eyes were starting to droop and I knew he would be asleep soon. I leaned down and kissed his forehead; he moved his arms and tangled his fist in my hair.

"As much as I'd love to cuddle baby, I got to go. I'll be back before you know it." I told peanut then kissed him again before removing his hands from my hair. I pulled my head out and made sure the blanket was covering every possible visible entrance. When I deemed it good, I took Gerard's hand and walked up to the table in front of the crowd where everyone was waiting for us.

"Ready baby?" Gerard asked as we sat down, us then Mikey then Ray.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

Notes

Sorry for the wait, expect another chapter in a few hours.

Till next we meet my killjoys