I'm Not Okay

When we got home I took my peanut out of his car seat and held him close to me and covered his body with a blanket, I didn't want anyone to see him. Later on I would announce that I 'adopted' him through twitter to let the fans know. While I was in the hospital I got a lot of tweets from my fans asking if I was okay and how I was doing because everyone thought I was sick. Gerard and Mikey came in behind me and my mom was waiting for us. When she saw us she went for the baby, I smiled at them and ran up to my room to grab my camera and came back down and started taking picture of everyone and my peanut. My favorite one was when Gerard took off his shirt and also took off Bryce's clothes and laid him down on his chest, I'm gonna get that framed.

Currently Mikey had to leave and my mom left about an hour ago, she had a long drive home. It was almost ten at night but after having a baby and feeding him every three to four hours, I'm pretty fucking tired. I just put Bryce to bed and Gerard was cleaning up a bit. When I came back downstairs my kitchen was pretty much spotless and Gerard was leaning against the counter drinking a glass of water, when he saw me come in he smiled and opened his arms for a hug. I smiled back and wrapped my arms around his waist and he wrapped his tightly around my body.

"Frankie guess what." He whispered.

"What?" I whispered back.

"We have a baby."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." I said as I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Haha, okay go get some sleep, I'm gonna stay down here for a while."

"You know, you don't have to keep sleeping on my sofa... You can sleep in the bed with me if you want." I offered, my face was heating up and I was looking at the ground rather than him.

"You sure?"

I nodded.

"Okay." He said, I looked up at him and he was smiling.

He took my hand and held me up the stairs and into my room. Before we laid down on the bed we turned on the baby monitor so we could hear if our peanut needed us. Gerard laid down first and I leaned into his side ready to fall asleep; but was thrown off when he grabbed me and pulled me on top of him so I was straddling his waist. He smirked at me before he pulled my head down and attached his lips to mine, I was surprised at first but immediately started to kiss him back. He licked my bottom lip and I slightly parted mine and his tongue forced its way inside my mouth. I let out an involuntary groan and I felt him smirk against my lips. We had a battle for dominance, the last time I made out with Gerard he won but I was determined to win this time. We kept at it until both of us needed to separate for air, but as soon as out lungs refilled we were at it again. Now he filled me over so he was on top and then he started to push his hips down onto mine; things were starting to get heated but then we heard a cry.

Both of us stopped what we were doing and our heads snapped to the baby monitor, sure enough Bryce was now full blown crying. I sighed and pushed Gerard off of me before going to go check on him. Gerard wasn't too far behind me when I walked into his nursery. I picked my peanut up and instantly smelled him.

"Looks like someone needs a diaper change." I said to Bryce, he was still crying. "And someone might be hungry."

"You change him, I'll make a bottle." Gerard said then kissed my forehead and left the room.

While changing my peanuts and waiting for the bottle, I managed to dodge a stream of pee leaving my son and get him to stop crying. By the time I wiped him clean and re-dressed him, Gerard came back in with the bottle and reached out to him.

"No, you can't hold him." I said and took the bottle form him and fed and burped him. When I was done he was still wide awake and it didn't look like he would be going to sleep anytime soon.

"I think he should sleep with us tonight." Gerard told me.

"Yeah okay." I said and carried him to our bed; it felt weird calling it out bed.

I put Bryce in-between us and put a pacifier in his mouth so we could at least try and get some sleep. Gerard rolled on his side and started making faces at his son and poking his stomach and messing with him. I thought it was cute but I was so damn tired, I feel asleep within seconds. The next time I woke up it was also to a high pitch crying, I looked over to Bryce to see his red face and his arms waving around. I groaned and lifted him up so his head was on my shoulder and I started to rock him. He didn't have a full diaper and he wasn't hungry, either, I guess he was just really tired.

"Come on baby." I said getting out of bed; I glanced to my clock next to my bed to see it was only one in the morning. As I was getting out of bed I woke up Gee.

"Where you going?" He asked, he sounded like the dead.

"Gonna walk around till he falls asleep then gonna put him his crib." I said bouncing him in my arms. He started to quite down but was still fussy.

"Okay, don't stay up to late." He said then laid his head back down and fell asleep.

I took my peanut out into the hall and started to walk around in circles until he fell back asleep then I put him in his crib and tip toed out of the room and back into the one I shared with Gerard, once in there I cuddled to Gerard's side and fell asleep.

The next time I woke up it was to an empty bed, I looked around a bit to try and find Gerard but he wasn't in the room with me. I started to rub my eyes and began to wonder what woke me up at five in the morning but then I heard my peanut crying a bit and then Gerard's voice hushing him.

"There's no need to cry peanut, I got your bottle right here."

No. Gerard can't pick him up yet. No. I quickly got up and ran down to Bryce's room. As I got there I saw Gerard, leaning down into his crib.

"Gerard Arthur Way, you so much as pick up that baby I will cut the balls from which he came from off."

"Graphic for in front of peanut." He said.

"I could say a lot worse in front of him but I choice not to." I said taking peanut and feeding him. "So when do you get those out?"

"Tomorrow hopefully." He said.

"I don't know if I should go back to bed or stay up." I said as I burped him, he also vomited on me and I wasn't wearing a towel or anything so it got right on my shirt. "Well I guess I'm staying up and showering. Okay gross, I can't feel it seeping through my shirt." I said as I went to put peanut back in his crib.

"Wait!" Gerard said and I stopped, he ran into the room and I groaned and followed him, when I got in the room he was laying down on his back and he reached out for the baby.

Bryce was cooing a bit and I thought it was the cutest thing, I didn't want to give him up just yet, but since Gerard didn’t get much time with him as I did, I reluctantly gave him to Gerard and proceeded with my shower.

Notes

Oh my god this is on the popular page! Thanks guys! That means a lot!

Till next we meet my killjoys