I'm Not Okay

All the doctors took Bryce back at around ten at night to do some more tests to make sure he was okay and everything. I was reluctant at first to give him up but since I had a high risk pregnancy I knew it was best for him so I let him go. The entire time he was away from me I was pouting and Gerard thought it was adorable. I felt like punching him for that.

"By the time they are done with all the tests and everything it will be past two in the morning, I think we should just let him stay in the nursery for the night. C-section is a major surgery and you need healing time. I can't lift him up so I can't do much to help, please just get some sleep tonight." He begged.

"Lay with me?" I asked.

He smiled at me then made his way over to my bed and plastered his chest to my back and held me tightly to him.

"I will be able to say this enough times but thank you Frankie. You have me a son, and I can never repay you for that. Thank you."

I smiled and rolled over so I was facing him. I looked up at him and gently stroked his face and softly pressed my lips to his.

"Tell me something Gerard, if Lynz had gotten pregnant instead of me, would you still love me?"

"Lynz never wanted kids. Like ever, there was a time where she thought she was pregnant and she started freaking out and screaming that she wanted and abortion. At the time I thought I didn't want kids either so I went along with her, turns out she wasn't pregnant but still it made me think I didn't want kids. So when Mikey told me that you weren't sure if you were gonna let me see him, that's when I realized I do want kids. You never appreciate something unless it's being taken away from you. That's how I realized I also loved you, in those months we didn't talk; I realized how much I actually loved you and how much I wanted you. I did love you from the start but I was too afraid of rejection and the fear of being judged for my sexuality kept me from going after you. If I wasn't so much of a coward, things might if been different."

"You're not a coward Gee."

"Yes I am, I was too much of a coward to go after you and love you like you deserve, I was too much of a coward to be there for my son when I found out and I left you alone. I was too much of a coward to leave lynz and do the right thing in the beginning. I am a coward." He said and wouldn't look at me; I saw a tear spill over his face.

"You may have been cowardly back then but you did come back and do the right thing, you're here now for both Bryce and I and that's all that matters." I said as I leaned back up and sealed our lips together.

"Thank you Frankie, and really do mean it, now let's get some sleep." He said then pecked my lips one more time before pulling me close to him.

*******Next Morning******


Gerard and I woke up to a sound of a shutter, when we opened out eyes Mikey was holding a camera in one hand and my baby in the other, I smiled at him and stretched my hands out towards my peanut. He handed him over and my little peanut let out a yawn and opened his eyes and looked up at me.

"Hey peanut, how are you?" I asked him.

He just kept looking at me then let out another yawn.

"Am I really that boring?" I asked him and he yawned again.

"Well-" Gerard started and I shot him a 'I will beat you if you say another word' look then he shutup.

“When can we take him home?” I asked in a quiet voice, I wanted to let my peanut sleep.

“Right now actually.” Dr. Shannon said coming in the room, “I’m here to discharge the two of you after I give you a quick exam.” She said coming over to me, I passed Bryce to Mikey who went to the personal bathroom in my room while Dr. Shannon lifted up the blanket to examine me,

“Everything looks good, your organs are healing nicely and your stomach is almost completely flat. In a female pregnancy their stomach doesn’t really go back to what it was before the pregnant for at least a few months. But you’re almost there, so no one will be able to figure out you had a baby, they make think you put on a few pounds but it’s all for the best.” She said and smiled. “No please Frank, take it easy, for both you and the baby.”

“Oh, hey Doc, I know newborns are a lot of work and I can’t do much but what can I do to help?” Gerard asked.

“Diaper changes and bath’s but for baths do not lift him out of the tub, call Frank or someone to do that. So that means no feeding, no burping, no holding, and no lifting.”

“Okay, thanks Doc.” He said and smiled at her.

“Okay Frank, take care and come into my office in about one week for a checkup.”

“What about Bryce? Can I take him to you?” I asked as Mikey came back in the room with my baby, I reached out for him and cuddled him to my chest.

“I don’t really take on babies anymore but in this case I’ll make an expectation.” She said and smiled at me.

“Thank you.” I said as I stood up, I placed my peanut in his car seat and Mikey carried him out to the car and drove us home while Gerard and I sat in the back seat with Bryce and I sitting in-between us and us making faces at him. Since he couldn’t smile at us just yet he stared at us in awe. He is so damn precious.

Notes

Hey guys I forgot to give credit to GeesGirl! who helped me with the past few chapters. Btw this is just a filler

Till next we meet my killjoys