Pills don't help but it sure is funny

“I’m tired Gerard, can I just go to sleep” I sigh, bowing my head in shame, Gerard sat down on the bed next to me. “You can tell me anything Frank,” he whispered putting his hand on my back. “It doesn’t matter, lately I’ve been feeling very stressed.. Bob died for fucks sake,” I kept the tears from falling.
Gerard was quiet a few seconds, and then he laid down. “I’m sorry, I feel like I had a part in this,” he said, rubbing his palm against my arm.

“It’s not your fault, Frank” Gerard said, “I know it was kit, I know it” I whisper, Gerard covers his eyes. “I’m sorry I can’t change your mind,” He whisper. “I don’t want to change my mind to be honest,” Gerard removes his hands looking into my eyes with curiosity. “I don’t want to forget Bob” I whisper, Gerard start to seem sort of annoyed. “Stop right now Frank” he raised his voice.

I look at him, with tired red eyes. His face was red with anger, his eyes filled with disappointment. He’s tired too, but the kind of tired that hurt looking at. The kind of empty tired, when you can see right through a person like if they were hollow. It hurts because I know it’s my fault.

“I’m feel bad, sorry” I whisper; taking Gerard’s hand stroking my fingertips up and down his wrist. “I love you Frank, I think I can say that” Gerard whispers while his eyes light up. I feel my chest sink a bit, “I feel like you love me too, but... I don’t know. Judging by your face, maybe it was stupid of me to think that I’m terribly sorry,” he says, looking sad again. I giggle, “Maybe I love you,” I whisper not feeling sure if I actually felt what I said.
“Whatever you do, it entertains me” Gerard whisper, I look at him confused.

“It sort of… whenever we are in the same room you see, my palms get sweaty and it gets a little harder to breathe. I have difficulties not staring at you when you’re in front of me” he says laughing because of his own words. I look down, an awkward silence spreads in the room.

After a while the silence turns into a sort of tension making me feel the desire to touch him. He looks innocent, scared and at the moment he looks younger than me. It was different seeing him look weak.I put my fingertips through his hair, "I feel like I love you" I whisper,
"but I've never felt love before." Gerard looks at me,

"I do feel my heart breaking, I don't think thats love." Gerard looks sadder, but it's what was needed right now. He looks at me, “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I don’t think I’m ready to love someone,”
“It’s okey” Gerard whispers.

1Minutes of silence, just looking at him.

“I can’t live without you” he says.

“Stop”

“I wanna die”

Notes

this is a very personal chapter, I have relapsed and everything is bad. The New Chapters might be a little triggering of abuse and stuff Imma sorri.