Pills don't help but it sure is funny

Just know that the best I'll ever be is whatever you make me to be.

Yeah you're on my mind
---


It's been three days since Bob passed away, me and Gerard have grown pretty distant, it's obvious to everyone. Even Mikey, though me and Mikey have spoken a lot more than usually. Gerard is always out working at the comic book store or drinking. Well thats what Mikey guess he's doing, it hurt a lot. Though I don't really know Gerard that well. I've been asking Mikey all about him but it seemed like he knew just as little as me.

"So when did you find out Gerard was gay?" I ask Mikey who is busy looking at something at his phone. He grunts back an answer, I just sigh. I haven't really been able to feel happy after what happened to Bob. I hate myself, I killed Bob Bryar. It's my fault he died, I didn't call the nurse. I didn't stop Kit.
"Stop thinking about Bob" Mikey says like he was reading my thoughts. I look into his eyes, his eyes made me feel sorry for him. He always look sad but when he was happy he would make me happy. I didn't have the guts to tell him that though.

"I can't help it" I mutter under my breath. "Why don't you tell me more bout why its your fault, I didn't really understand that" he says and put his phone away. It's weird how professional he sound all of a sudden. "Well I had an ex boyfriend named Kit," I mumble, "I think I know him, tall, black long hair, blue eyes and play in a band?" Mikey interrupt.

"Yep, thats the old him though" I say, taking a huge breath "that doesn't sound too positive"
"Yeah I know" I respond tying not to cry.

"Well Kit was what we call erhm.. An abusive dickhead. He used to beat me up, rape me, degrade me." I take a tiny break to breathe, Mikey's eyes wide and in shock. "The bruises the first day I saw you?" He whisper, I nod and drag my fingertips down my bruised arms. He looks even more shocked. "Is that.. I didn't notice them.." I nod again. "For fucks sake Frank" he says worried.

I take a huge breath, "when I met Gerard and you for the first time.. I was forced out of the house by Kit, he beat me up but went to fix some buisness.. Well when I think about it.. It was probably drugs. I went to mall for no reason what so ever, saw Gerard in the store, got awkward eyecontact and thats basically all. The next day I think we fucked" I say in a normal voice.

Mikey was getting sort of red so I laugh.

"Well a lot of drama played out, and Kit knew Bob well, he caught us in the apartment just hanging out," Mikey nods. "Crazy ex boyfriend issues, do you think he did it to make you run back to him?"
I shrug but then shake my head, "he was done with me I think, it was probably revenge" I say and breath heavily. A few minutes with silence, it feels good to be honest. I feel comfortable with Mikey, he feels like a brother.

I feel that my heart starts to feel heavy my lungs closing up almost. A tiny sob and Mikey smile. He sits next to me and holds his long skinny arms around me. "Is it a bad time to ask about who you made out with that night" Mikey says sounding worried. "Yes it is" I sob and pull his warm body closer to me. "Does Gee know?" Mikey whispers and put his fingers through my hair. I nod and cry into his chest.

"I'm sorry Frankers, I dont want you to go through that much pain" he whisper, I feel happy in his warm arms. So happy.

He kissed my forehead and giggled at me blushing.
----


"Eyyyy" a loud voice spoke out and the door opened, Gerard stands there. He stiffens up when he sees me and Mikey, but Mikey won't move. I don't want to either, but after a few seconds Gerard smiles. "you're getting along well... Are you okey Frank?" He said obviously worried.

I nod and smile, "I had this idea that will make us all cheer up after.. You all know what" Gerard said putting up a bag with maybe 20 beer cans.

"Lets do that drinking game where you take a sip for every thing you've done and not done, sexually or not, we'll get to know eachother better" Gerard says not smiling once. "Sounds great Gerard" Mikey says and sit up. Gerard gave a beer can to each of us.

"Lets start easy, never have I ever eaten a worm" Gerard say to lighten the mood.

We all take a sip, "dude we're gross" I chuckle.

"Never have I ever masturbated before 14 years old" Mikey says lifting an eyebrow in Gerard's direction, they both take a sip. I started at 15 I think.

"Never have I ever seen my mother naked" I giggle seeing both Mikey and Gerard gag as they take a sip. It must have been fun growing up with them being such interesting people. "Never have I ever looked online for a sex toy" Mikey says and only Gerard takes a sip.
"You sick bastard" Mikey say and laughs loudly.

An innocent saying hurt a lot, it reminded me of Bob and mines conversations.
"i need to go" I almost yell as I run into Gerard's bedroom "w-what" Mikey yells.

Notes

Probably wont get too many comments on this one so gonna put my excitement in the notes. *dudu dudu dudu dudu* she came from greece she had a thirst for knowledge *silent jazz hands* she studied sculpture at saintlakkejsrj(?) college, thats where I *throws hands in air and points at eye violently* CAUGHT HER EYE. *heavy breath* SHE TOLD ME THAT HER DAD WAS LOADED, *heavy breath and exaggerated ded* I see IN THAT CASE I'LL HAVE COCOA POWDER (i knwo its not right ok) SHE SAID FAINE, *du du du* and in THIRTHY SECONDS TIMe *violent jazz hands*

so I was thinking of a killjoy name cuz sure why not and I said stained napkin and I've been laughing too much for like 5 minutes

ok now go on